Post # 1
Odd situation here. Originally, my MOH offered to plan my bachelorette party. We’re in DC and want to go to NYC for a long weekend. However, according to my MOH, one of my other bridesmaids (let’s call her B) stepped in and said *she* wanted to plan it — according to MOH, she kind of insisted on it.
Last weekend, my future SIL asked when the party would be so she could plan ahead with days off, etc. I said I’d get in touch with MOH to ask (this was before I knew that B had apparently decided to take this on herself).
MOH filled me in on what B wanted to do — apparently, B was supposed to talk to me about it a while ago, but never did. So I sent an e-mail to B just checking in with her, seeing if she had done any planning yet.
Here’s the thing … B now lives in California (not that you can’t plan from there, but everybody else is around DC), and she told me yesterday that she doesn’t even think she’ll be coming to the bachelorette party! So I am a bit puzzled why somebody would want to plan an event that she won’t even be able to attend.
I don’t want to slam B in any way because she is a wonderful friend. I know she has the best of intentions, but that sometimes her "good intentions" go awry, especially since she isn’t here with the rest of us every day to talk about all this stuff. Another thing is that I fear that while my MOH would be fine with going along with whatever I want to do with this party, B can sometimes tend to interject her own "wants" into the situation. Although, since she won’t be there, perhaps that won’t be the case. But I really don’t know.
Anyway … I’m trying to figure out a tactful way to tell B that I think it would be best for MOH to handle the bachelorette party. I know B is just trying to stay "included" and I don’t want to make her feel left out (sometimes it’s easy to hurt her feelings), but I just think this is a recipe for trouble.
Post # 3
Sticky situation but I think you easily have your MOH tell B that while she totally appreciates her help, since she isn’t sure if she can make it yet, MOH will take the lead on this one. I wouldn’t say anything to B about it until MOH tells her she isnt planning it anymore. Then ask her to do something else…just tell her how much it meant to you that she wanted to take charge but since she cant this time around would she mind doing…xyz
Since she’s out of town I would suggest asking her to take care of brunch the morning of your wedding (if you’re having an evening one). Ask her to bring mimosa’s and breakfast food to where ever you’re getting dressed. If she’s coming into town for your shower perhaps she can take charge of an aspect of that (games, centerpeices, dessert etc).
Post # 4
B said she still wanted to plan it even though she’s not going? Maybe I’m just a bad person so I’m reading this wrong, but maybe your MOH doesn’t want to plan it and she’s trying to hand it off to B.
Post # 5
I know its customary for the MOH to plan the bachelorette and shower events, but can’t they throw it together? So its not just one person planning?
I think that is what my ladies are doing (and I encourage it!) and maybe you can suggest that they work together instead of just one person take charge. And find out if your MOH minds that B is doing it, or prefers it?
I’d be concerned, too, considering she didn’t tell you about her not being able to make it until you called her to ask.
Maybe you can talk to B and say something like, "Thank you for planning the bachelorette for me even though you cannot make it. Even though, I hope you change your mind and decide to come. Perhaps you can share the planning with the MOH so that it will be easier, in the event you still cannot make it."
Post # 6
Thanks all for your advice. I talked to MOH about my concerns. We’re seeing each other Friday and we’ll talk about it a little more then.
I know for a fact that MOH is *not* trying to get out of planning the party. That’s just not like her at all and she is very, very much a planner (and very good at it). She threw an engagement party for us before she even knew I wanted her to be my MOH, just because she wanted to celebrate the occasion with our friends and family.
I’m feeling a little better about it now, but we’ll see how it goes. My FI agrees that MOH should approach B about taking over the planning because there would probably be less hard feelings that way.