Bridesmaids are stressing me out & I dont know how to approach them…

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2565 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Do you live near the bridesmaids?  Could you go out for lunch/dinner/movie etc and then ask “hey, while I’m here do you need help taking your measurements for the dress?”

Post # 5
Member
3948 posts
Honey bee

Did they help pick out the dress, or did you choose it for them? A $200 dress is quite the expense, especially when you cant even try it on before ordering.

 

Post # 6
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee

@Barbiestylez:  Frankly, I would tell them “Hey, I really need this information from you all. I have it from X out of Y girls, and my deadline is DATE.  I’m sorry ladies, but if you can’t get it to me by then, I can’t order your dress, which means that though you’re still welcome as guests, you won’t be in the bridal party.  It really means a lot to have you all with me, and I want it more than anything in the world, but I can’t do this for you unfortunately, so the ball is in your court to determine what role you’ll play in my wedding”.

I tend to be direct, as do my friends, so that wording may not work for you and your girls, but if they can’t even do this for you, it’s not an auspicious start.

Post # 8
Member
7997 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

Pick up the phone and talk to them. Stop texting and emailing.

Just explain the situation… and hopefully they’re reasonable people.

Go the extra mile and give them the name/address of tailors near them so they can get properly measured (it’s harder to measure yourself than you’d think).

Did they agree to buy the dresses? I’d be iffy as well about having my dress chosen for me, not being allowed to see it/try it on, and having to shell out $200.

Post # 10
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@Barbiestylez:  Invite them over and have a measurement party! Seriously, it is such a small ask that I’d question if they are actually committed to being in the wedding at all.

Post # 11
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@canarydiamond:  +1, that’s a great point. I wouldn’t blindly give money for a dress I have never seen or tried on. What if it doesn’t fit? What if I hate it? No, thanks.

Post # 12
Member
4827 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

@Barbiestylez:  You are not being unreasonable at all. So annoying!!

What about a real, live phone call? (I’m not being snarky 🙂 If you’re anything like me you hate actually calling people on the phone but it usually gets a good response. 

Post # 13
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee

@Barbiestylez:  Being assertive is not the opposite of being nice.  You are letting these ladies create stress for you, and there is absolutely nothing you can do to correct it beyond laying it out there for them and telling them what you need, when you need it, why you need it, and what will happen if they can’t help you.

When they agreed to be a bridesmaid, they agreed to doing certain things.  You are barely into it, and already they are letting you down. If they aren’t married, they may have no idea what you have on your plate. You need to let them know, because it is unlikely that your nearest and dearest would intentionally let you down. 

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