Post # 1
I know it can be quite common for people to have bad bridesmaids but this one just taking the piss out of me. I decided to have three bridesmaids I picked one of my oldest school friends and my two FSILs. One of my FSIL I get on really well the other is 18 and we arent close at all but I felt obligated to ask her as I couldnt ask one without the other. Big mistake!
Lets call bm friend bm A close SIL bm B and not so close SIL BM C.
Bm C is not what you call a girlie girl. She hasnt worn dresses since she was a kid. I havent added any pressure for her to be a bm and said many a times if shes uncomfortable or doesnt want to do it I wont be offended. Apparently according to my FMIL she does.
However her attitude towards it all stinks. I didnt mind what the bms wore they could pick whatever they liked but she wouldnt even come to the shop to try anything. She was going to go down separately with her sister but then didnt.
Bm A & B liked the same dress when shown the photo she wouldn’t even look at it. She does have abit of an attitude and it comes across to me like she sees it as a chore than an honour. I don’t ask too much just to pick a dress and show up on the day. It suppose to be special for me and a chance to get to know each other better and it gets thrown back in my face. Im wishing I picked another friend who could of shared in the enjoyment.
If a friend was acting this way I would of had it out with her and told her not to bother but I feel awkard as il be marrying into this family and dont want to cause dramas.
Post # 3
I would say sit down and talk to your FI, see if he has any advice.
The next step would be to arrange a lunch date or coffee date or time to talk with her alone. Make sure she knows that you are happy to have her be a bridesmaid. If you keep offering her ways out, she might feel you are trying to pressure her to leave. She probably already feels uncomfortable if she doesn’t know A + B as well.
Ask her what she wants to do about the dress. Make sure you know her price range and set a deadline to talk about dresses. If she really doesn’t want to look at dresses, maybe give her an option to not wear a dress? Set a deadline you need to know by and let her know. Because she is going to be family, I would make sure to remind her as that deadline gets close. If she doesn’t get back to you, then just select the dress A + B like and let her know. If she chooses not to purchase it, then she isn’t a bridesmaid and she took herself out.
Post # 4
@mandy86: I would maybe try and talk with someone in th family about talking to her just to be a lil more positive bc this is ur time and you said she didnt have to if she didnt want to … but if she is gonna she should at least ty be supportive and good energy in the room
is is possible the mother is making her?
Post # 5
Bm B is her sister. I haven’t directly told her she doesnt have to do nor have I pressured her to either I have left the ball in her court and her sisters spoken to her about it. She wouldnt even meet up with me on my own or with her sister as we dont have that type of relationship. We are paying half of the dress and will be paying for hair and gifts. I can see her pulling out last minute after we spent money. No my FMIL wouldnt make her.i messaged her and even said she could come to see some dresses answer was no but she still wants to be bridesmaids I dont no how that works. She wouldn’t wear a suit as I think she wud stand out even more. I did suggest it to her sister and she think people would notice more than if she wore a dress like them. Its frustrating as we should be able to enjoy it and I cant.
Post # 6
@mandy86: Where is your fiance in all this? She’s his sister, so he should be the one to talk to her.
He should have a proper heart to heart with her and ask her how she feels about being a bridesmaid. He could always offer an “out” of doing a reading in the ceremony.
Post # 7
I dont think he wants to get involved he said he would be annoyed if she changed her mind at last minute. I dont want to harper to much to him as I dont want him to think im attacking his sister. He was going to have a word and his other sister meantioned it to her. Apparently shes going to do it but just wont try a dress on to see what its like? Which is worrying as she will be wearing it for the wedding.
Ive expressed my concerns to the other sister about bm c wearing a dress and having her hair done and gifts which is money coming out of our pocket for her to turn round and say no. I cud see it just before or on my wedding day. She is known for throwing tantrums and getting her own way. I want people I can actually count on. Weve arranged a dress maker so the bms need to go get fitted and pay the deposit. Bm A is arranging the appointment this week. Ive told the other two bms to do the same so if she doesnt show for it does that mean shes opted out?
This may sound harsh but I know I should get gifts for the bms but bm c she hasnt even been supportive and wont even do the simple task of picking a dress and trying it on. Shes took away the enjoyment by being difficult. Obviously I wouldnt leave her out. Im just venting lol.