Bridesmaids being unhelpful?

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
7195 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@MrsFitness:  Ah, the age old dilemma of BM’s responsibilities. In the end, it comes down to what your friends are comfortable with.

With the luncheon, did you make it clear this was a big deal? It sounds like most of them weren’t too excited by the idea.

Now the hens’ night: it is really important that all the girls are on board with the idea. Did they all agree to travelling 3 hours, or only some? 3 hours means an overnight stay, as well as a serious chunk of 2 days. Some people just can’t or won’t do that.

If these are all girls you love and trust, they’re good friends, right? So why have half of them suddenly dropped out of sight? Perhaps you’re putting expectations on them, without even realising it?

Post # 5
Member
7195 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@MrsFitness:  First question: the two girls who didn’t make the luncheon, are they usually “flakes”? Because if they’ve been unreliable in the past, they’re not going to change now.

Now I’m just guessing, but I’m wondering if your explanation of what is expected came across as too bossy? Or as asking too much? Because some people don’t react well to being told what to do. They think they’re going to wear the pretty dress and be available on your wedding day, but then find you’re expecting other things of them. So my guess is that some of the girls felt their task list was too much (or too “bossy”), and lost enthusiasm.

From here, I suggest expecting less of them. If anyone helps, that’s wonderful. If anyone doesn’t – never mind. For the hens’ night, I suggest you stay out of organising it. Ask your MOH to phone around and see if some of them have decided that a 3 hour trip is too much after all, and to change it if necessary.

p.s. You will find lots of different opinions of what a BM should do. My personal opinion is they should be available for the hens’ night, the wedding rehearsal, and the entire day of the wedding, but beyond that everything is optional.

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