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I'm sorry you're having such a difficult time with this :(. The truth is, though, that they would still have to pay about $300 for the hotel (I looked at your old post), and that's hard for a lot of people. I know I couldn't swing it. In addition to that, they would have to take time off of work, which would mean that they would be losing even more money. I doubt they're not attending because they don't love you; I'm guessing it's just too much money.
I'm sorry this is happening to you but you need to see where your friends are coming from. While they shouldn't have agreed to go in the first place if they weren't planning on following through, destination weddings are a burden on the guests. You may be offering to pay for their airfare but there are still ALOT of other aspects that they will have to cover on their own dime. Aside from the obvious (accommodations, food, entertainment, etc...) they will have to take time off of work, purchase a new wardrobe, make arrangements for furbabies, get passports, etc. It adds up very quickly.
FI and I were originally planning a destination wedding. After getting some less than stellar reactions from my family we decided to forego our plans and get married here. I know this doesn't help your situation but for us, deciding to have our wedding here was the best decision we could have made (and we're still honeymooning in Bermuda).
This isn't meant to sound snarky but as for this statement, "Nobody will ever get to Aruba cheaper than what I've made it for them", did you ever think that they don't have a desire to go to Aruba? I only say that because the same point was made to me with our Bermuda wedding. I made a similar comment to my friends and family about "never getting the opportunity to visit Bermuda again" (a bit dramatic but I was trying to make a point). My mother knocked me down a peg and said that she and my father never had a desire to visit Bermuda. So the fact that I was asking them to spend their hard earned money on a destination that they never wanted to visit anyway, was a reality check for me. While you may think Aruba is paradise and there isn't a person on the planet who wouldn't want to go there, I can assure you thats not the case.
Your wedding is in 3 months so you're obviously not going to change your plans now (atleast I would hope you don't). Continue to plan your wedding the way you have been and have the best time possible. Also, don't ruin your friendship with your ex bridesmaids because they bailed. I'm sure they all have a good reason. DW's are very expensive and its not right to assume that they would want to spend a great deal of time and money on your wedding.
Good luck with everything. I'm sure your Aruba wedding will be awesome!
If this is still what you dream of for your wedding, then go for it. I promise it will still be just as magical and exciting and wonderful, even if you don't have a lot of guests compared to your husband. Weddings for better or worse show you who your true friends are, if the guests who don't choose to attend your wedding in an alternate universe attended your local wedding they would have done something else to disappoint you.
All that matters is what you said above, that you are marrying the man of your dreams, your best friend. Less people is more of a bonus than you think you can focus more of your attention on him and it will be overall less stressful. If this is what you want then just go with it, hope that more of your loved ones will change thier minds and attend but don't be disappointed if they dont.
Keep your head up, the most important thing is that you and your honey are going to marry each other. I'm sure they all care and still love you even if things have changed and they can't be there physically. Financially alot of people are set back these days. I think you'll still have a great day...its a destination wedding.
Good Luck and happy New Year 
Is your FI from Aruba?
If so, then it will be perfectly understandable to all attending why your family and friends weren't able to attend. I'm sure their intentions were honorable when they said they would attend, but the reality is you are asking them to cross the world for your wedding, and being younger adults, life got in the way of their plans.
This could be an opportunity in disguise. Have you considered asking your mom to be your attendant?
I think that, for the majority of people, this is something that's faced when you have a destination wedding in a resort area like Aruba. It's not that your friends don't like you or care about you ... they just cannot afford that expense. And, what might've happened to some of these people in a year that they couldn't afford to go? Car repairs, medical bills, broken furnaces, etc. can all eat at money set aside for your wedding.
To be quite honest with you, even though they had a year to save, why do you think they should save for your wedding? I certainly have a lot of other expenses in my life and my friend's destination wedding would be the last thing I'd be saving up for. Plus, your friends will have to take vacation time off of work to attend your wedding. Maybe they don't want to use their vacation time for your wedding or their vacation money to travel to your destination. Maybe they want to spend their money and take their vacation where they want to take it?
If you want people at your wedding and to participate, then you need to really consider having a local ceremony where it can be affordable for your friends to attend. Travel expenses to a tropical destination far from home, in this economy, can be very difficult for some. While you've told some you'd generously provide airfare, there's still a hotel to pay for. And, let's face it ... there aren't any Red Roof Inn cheapie deals in Aruba. They're going to have to shell out a lot of money for a resort room. And, if everyone's going to Aruba, it's not like they can go, spend the night, and head back home. Going to a tropical destination like that is a week's vacation.
Let's face it, your Aruba wedding would be considered their vacation. I don't know anyone who wants to be told where they have to vacation.
My friends went through the same thing you did and wound up cancelling their Mexican Riviera destination wedding so that they could have guests at their wedding. Everyone was excited at first and then, when the numbers came down, the expenses (airfare, hotel, wedding clothes, etc.), nobody could afford it for more than an overnight. And, as I mentioned before, people were saying that if they were going, they'd have to do it as their vacation and that location was a spot that they had zero interest in vacationing at.
I think that, it's not that your friends don't love you or dont' want to be there for you. I think it's the fact that, in this economy, it's unaffordable and money that they probably feel could be better spent elsewhere. I would bet that they're looking at that money and thinking of the other things that they could be doing with it.
I hate to say it, but if one of my friends invited me to stand up in her destination wedding, I'd be saying no, too. Not that I don't love my friends and not that I wouldn't want to be there but that there's a lot more sensible ways for me to spend my money and someone's destination wedding is not one of them. If I can drive to the destination wedding, get a cheapie place to stay and can get home the next day, then I'd attend. But to have to take a chunk of vacation time on a vacation I wouldn't otherwise choose to take ... forget it.
It's really about the 2 of you getting married and when you stand up there, it should just feel like it's the 2 of you. Don't focus on who is watching and which side they are on.
First I do realize that most people would not attend the DW and really have no issues with that. I invited 120 guests and only 40 something are attending. I'm fine with that. Also i'm not in a competition game with fi with the guest list... Not about that. I'm just hurt that a couple of friends that I have been like a sister to for over 20 years have been blowing sunshine up my ass telling me there going and bailing last minute. When they know I was counting on them. As far as their affordability I know them well enough they could if they wanted to. I don't know who wouldn't be offended by that, from those select people. I would be paying for their airfare, attire, and activities. And am not accepting gifts. And it's at an all inclusive. I would like to know who has spent less than $400 when being a part of even a local wedding? After the shower (which I chose noT to have), bachelorette party (another thing I nixed), wedding preparations and attire (which I would've paid for), and a wedding gift (which I'm not accepting). And ok not everyone want to go to Aruba get it. But I have done a lot of things I wouldn't of normally done for my friends. And have spent thousands of dollars on all of their marriages and joyous occasions. Why do people expectnthings and turn around and don't return the same treatment is my question. And you know what if you simply won't spend a fraction of what you expect from other people when it was their time.... than what kind of friend are you.
@graciousbride: Few things...
As far as their affordability I know them well enough they could if they wanted to: You may think you know all there is to know about your friends finances but I would bet you don't. I've been best friends (like sisters) will my 3 best friends for more than 15 years and while I think I know what their financial situation is like, I'm sure I don't know all of the details.
I would like to know who has spent less than $400 when being a part of even a local wedding?: I have spent more than $1000 on each of the weddings that I have been in but all I am asking from my girls is for them to pay for their dresses and shoes (less than $150). While some could easily afford more, I refuse to ask my girls to invest their hard earned money into my wedding (as a side note, they didn't ask me to spend as much money as I did. I choose to spend more than the other bridesmaids because I'm fortunate enough to HAVE more). I, too, am requesting that they do not give me any gifts for my local, at home wedding. As for shower/bachelorette parties, if they choose to throw me a bachelorette party then thats on them but I'm certainly not asking for one and my family is paying for my bridal shower. While your logic may work for some people, it doesn't work for everyone.
And you know what if you simply won't spend a fraction of what you expect from other people when it was their time.... than what kind of friend are you: It may not have anything to do with the money spent but more than TIME invested. Myself as well as a few other PP's have mentioned that DW's require guests to take time out of their own lives to attend. If they choose to travel with you then thats awesome but its selfish to complain about them not attending when your asking your guests to travel extreme distances. I work my ass off all year long for those 3 weeks off and you best believe that I already have all of that time planned out before I even bank them.
Like Bandit said, anything can happen in a year that would affect your friends ability to travel to your DW. The fact that they aren't there shouldn't change the fact that you're marrying the man you love in the location of your dreams.
@graciousbride: I can see how you would be hurt about her not being upfront about her not attending. It does seem like you have tried to accommodate them by taking care of most of the costs, and foregoing most of the bridal events (bachelorette party, shower etc) Maybe have a heart to heart with her and find out the reason she's not attending.
I also understand how hard it is when you've put a lot of time, money, and effort into someone else's wedding to make it special and memorable. I think you just have to remember, that you did all those things because you wanted to do it for them, and while it seems like it should be reciprocated, some people just won't.
Hope it all works out!
I'm sorry this is happening to you, but I can see how things could kind of get away from people.
I think it's hard to say no to an excited bride. My husband's sister just announced her destination wedding (Sept in Maui) at Christmas, and it was seriously awkward to be like... uh, yeah we don't really know how we're going to afford/get time off/plan our move and TTC schedule around that. It would have felt so much better in the moment to just be excited with her and procrastinate disappointing her. So I can definitely see how your friends might have wanted to keep it a "yes" as long as possible, hoping it would work out, even though the results were less than favourable.
Thanks, I have had talks with them. and I know that one just feels to awkward to have me pay for her whole trip with her two kids. But I wanted to because she has gotten me through such difficult times in my life.... She is very important to me. She has been through so many dark places with me I wanted to her to celebrate with me. But I understand her situation. The other two are a little different. And yes when I have done things in the past for anyone in my life it was never to get something back... Always because wanted to do it for them out of love , happiness or compassion. But in the same token, when you find that you don't get the same back time after time it's a sign, I think. I sign that maybe I'm spending to much energy in the wrong things and people. Cait: you seem really against the whole destination wedding thing, and that's fine we all make our choices. I still am very happy with my choice. Because traditional was never an option. It was elope or have a few loved ones with us. I did not invent the idea. People do it everyday and most of us who choose it are happy with the results. If you cannot admit that if you were in my shoes... Thrown for a loop a couple months before wedding after disscussing this choice with them... That you wouldn't feel a little disgruntled. Well then you are a much better stronger person than I. Destination weddings are really for people that do not fuss over every detail, and do not care if hundreds of family acquaintances are there. It's for a guests who will go out of their way and don't see it as an inconvenience to be at your wedding. Those people are usually your closest in your life. It naturally separates those people. And I do realize that sometimes even immediate family have situations that keep them from going. This is not one of those cases. And yes even though you contradict what I know and do not know. I do know that. And I hope that you never come to a point of exhaustion in your life and realize that people in your life that you love suck for sometime no reason.
The real issue here is that Im afraid of feeling alone or out of place at the DW. It makes me upset that's tough unless you chose to do that by eloping. That's why I wish some of my guests would have been honest with me from the beginning. That way I could've tailored my guest list accordingly, which would of made me more comfortable and not out of place. I would suggest to at least show reluctancy toward your snl wedding. Maybe tell her your concerned about finances and time juggling. Because then it's won't be a surprise to her. And who knows if she gets that reaction from her brother and most likely a few other people.... She has time to re-evaluate her decision. My thing is I had invisioned coctails, sun and all kinds of fun with those I love. And now for me it's not going to be what i had invisioned at all. She may be doing the same thing. I may seem contriticting but Hawaii is one of the most expensive tropical locations to have a DW. Unless she has an incredible in somewhere. Even though Hawaii would of been my fist choice, I know it wasn't reasonable for anyone. It would have been eloping! But who knows my fh cousin went in the spring and paid 1000 for the whole trip for two people! Seven days hotel And airfare! She clicked on a promotional advertisement online. Well I hope you make it I'm sure it would be an experience you would never forget!
I'm sorry but I think you are reading too much into their decisions to not attend. I think it's really sad that you are willing to reconsider your friendships and see this as a "sign" simply because they told you they can't afford to attend your wedding, one that you say you realized many people wouldn't be able to attend due to costs. Are you then considering every person who RSVP'ed with a no as someone who doesn't deserve to be your friend?
I completely understand being bummed and upset and there is nothing wrong with that. However, I don't think it's fair to your friends that you are saying they suck and aren't worth the energy because they can't afford to attend your wedding. It's very generous of you to offer to pay their airfare but a week long vacation still requires a ton of other expenses (which have been listed a few times above) and while it would be amazing if they could afford those, it isn't up to you to decide what they spend their money on. I'm sure they were really excited and readily agreed to be part of the wedding, but unfortunately as they began to count up costs realized it wasn't a financially responsible decision for them to attend. It sucks and it sucks they realized this later on, but I really think you need to seperate that disappointment from how you view your entire friendships with them. It's great that you have been doing so much for these friends, but I think this is one situation where it isn't fair to compare what you've done to what they've done as this is a huge expense for someone and not something that you should be judging them for.
I'm sorry you are in this situation and you have every right to be bummed and vent, but I just hope that you can try to be a bit easier on your friends as I'm sure they would have loved to attend and are also disappointed that they won't be there. I'm sure that when you actually get there you will be so excited about marrying your FI and enjoying the moment that you won't have time to be bummed. Everyone around you will be so happy for you and hopefully their love for both of you will ensure that you have a fantastic wedding! Good luck!
@graciousbride: Sorry if it wasn't clear. We DID express our reservations, and it felt terrible and awkward. My point was that perhaps your friends weren't willing to face that confrontation right off the bat, and then have it turn into nothing if they COULD afford it in the end.
My SIL, as much as I like her has expensive taste. She's looking at resorts that cost upwards of 400/night... so it won't be an option for us to join unless we can get the Best Western special down the street or something.
First, I did not say they don't deserve to be our friends. I was just making a point that unless you feel close to a couple... You most likely aren't going to travel and go out of your way to make their wedding. For example somebody you have a close working relationship with or a friend from college you barely speak to anymore will most likely not go to a DW. And I have to say i do feel attacked on this board. I am not by any means asking anyone to spend an extravagant amount of money. But even with an at home wedding it's costs money. Do not pull my leg for an entire year and then back out. I am the most timid... Unconfrontational person... But I do know these people I speak of. And this is not a awe damn I need a new roof, or I lost my job. They just were dishonest with me. And now it sux for me. When you say "I shouldn't tell people what to spend their money on". When you ask someone to be in your wedding, it costs money. I've been in many of them. Weather it's a little or a lot. So when you say hey will you be my MOH and they accept. I'm sure they intend to spend what they could afford because they want to. And I don't think that's selfish. That's how it works. And it's not like because they can't afford it it makes them bad people. I offered to pay whole or part of trip. (which is less than most parties spend at home). I take offense that anyone would refer to me as selfish. It's funny, I may be a lot of things but definitely not that. And I'm sorry I gave the impression that I would judge someones friendship on this single event. This is not the case. I am not that self centered or shallow.
I would be disappointed too. I'm sorry that you will have to start picturing your wedding differently. Try to forgive them for hurting you. Talk to them about it if it will help. Then, start visualizing a gorgeous day in Aruba married to your best friend! With your mom and bro there too :) Maybe you could still plan a bachelorette or a going away party and celebrate with them?
I am having a DW as well. You have to go into it assuming that nobody will be able to come, but if they can, thats FABULOUS! All that matters is you and your FI and anyone else that would like to join in the fun is more than welcome. Destination Weddings put a financial burden on your guests, much more so than a local wedding. I am dealing with almost the same situation you are right now; my wedding is a week and a half after yours and I just found out two hours ago my MOH (my cousin) has signed up for the army (WTF) and is supposed to be leaving for Boot Camp before my wedding.
Life gets in the way, and even sometimes, people with the best intentions have stuff happen to them. To everyone else, our wedding is not the world stopping event, but they will still have to deal with their own lives and need to do whats best for them. I understand the feeling all too well that your Bm's may not care about your wedding. They do. But sometimes things just cant happen, unfortunately.
I wish you all the best with your situation. Regardless, Aruba is going to be amazing and you will be there with people (whether FI's side or yours) that love and care about you and you will have many people at home keeping you in their thoughts that day as well. :)
Oh ok well that's good as long as she knows what to expect for a turnout. And I could totally see what your saying about not wanting to burst my excited bubble. But still waiting this long really killed me. I am not a young bride, we are grown ups they should've told me. Just to give you and idea of affordibility it would cost them only $120 a night ALL inclusive. And I was paying airfare and other wedding related costs such as dresses passports ECT... So even if they came for three days it wouldn't be so bad. Two out of the three have great jobs flexibility and no children to worry about traveling with or with out. The other in going through a nasty divorce and has two children. I completely understand her situation. But still I love her and offered to pay for her whole trip. She feels bad doing that. I respect that and understand. She knows I'm not rich. I'm just considering it a part of my wedding expenses and doing without other details so I could have them there.
@graciousbride: Hmm, "And I'm sorry I gave the impression that I would judge someones friendship on this single event. This is not the case. I am not that self centered or shallow." Its too bad that you edited the last few sentences of your original post to make it sound like you didn't imply that they weren't good friends for not going to your DW...
And as for your comment about me being against DW's, you are completely and utterly incorrect.
Like I mentioned above, my fiance and I were planning on going the DW route originally. If I were against DW's, I would have never even considered one. We met with the travel agents and were about a week away from booking the planners on the island when we changed our minds. For us, it came down to wanting to enjoy our day with our families. I'm on the "a wedding isn't just about the couple" team. Many are not and thats fine. I'm an only child and the only girl in my family so our wedding is very important to alot of people, not just us. It was important for us to have all of our family and friends present and having the DW wouldnt allow that. We also didn't feel right about asking those who would choose to travel with us to fork out a great deal of money that most of them don't have. The economy sucks, ya know!
Having a DW doesn't make you selfish. Complaining about your friends being "bad friends" because they chose to not spend their hard earned money and time on your wedding does.
I'm sorry you just come off as against the whole DW thing. You seem to have a negative attitude and are full of wise words n very opinionated about things you have little experience and information about such as my character and people in my life. I do not consider $300 a lot of money to participate in ur bff wedding. And no apology for that. I just do not feel like that's asking a lot ESpecially discussing it a year in advance. My friends are not destitute, unemployed, having an unforeseen unfortunate sequence of events. And I do know almost every detail of their life these are not assumptions. Yes, i do think its very rude and not very nice to knowingly deceive a friend until the last possible moment. Knowing my personal situation and what impact it would have for me. So if I sound a little upset I am. Also,consider this. When you were planning your DW... Suppose the most important family members and friends gave you the impression they were enthusiastic. And so you decided yes let's do this! All awhile they new they had no plans on going. But pre-meditated telling you last minute. That wouldn't piss you off? I just to not understand how you cannot sympathize with that. I am human.
That is a regret of mine. I had a friend who married in Aruba and she encourage ppl not to go. And so it would basically be immediate family only. But after we discussed it with the core people and they were all in for sure.... We opened the invitation to everyone! Now it's like I'm a guest at my own wedding. And nobody wants to feel that way. Even if I had one very close person with me there for even a couple days I wouldn't be so upset. Like I said I wish I would've done things differently if I would have known. I see your MOH may not be able to make it so you know how dissapointing it is! But do you have other family or friends going? I know its not the same but it helps to have a place at your wedding. But ur cousin has a good reason. Even though some ppl would say she doesnt need one. I think when you are close like that.... You have expectations. Like it's a special day I was planning, hoping, and thought I'd share with some people I know and love as well. I love all of my fiances family and friends and am thrilled they are so happy to come. But I'd thought I'd have someone there I shared some history with as well. Just have to get over it I guess. It is what it is at this point.
@graciousbride: You WILL have one very close person. Your new husband! Honestly, if I was that other one very close person, I'd be hesitant to go, since I'd feel like I was the one who was going to be the odd one out.
@graciousbride: i toally get what you are going through. My cousin is my best friend in the whole entire world; I always said 'no matter what SHE will be there'. A year changes a lot of things. You gotta find a way, any way to get past it, though. Not only will you make yourself miserable, you will make your friends (who probably already feel crappy) feel even worse. Though this one day is important to you, dont let it define your friendships with them. You have known them since grammer school, if they are as good of friends to you this wasn't a descision they came to lightly. Just try and keep them as involved as possible in everything leading up to the wedding :)
I will have a husband that is entertaining socializing with all his guests. Which is fine and i will be too. also they wouldn't feel awkward everyone knows everyone. Btw they have no idea I'm so upset. I may be a lunatic on this site. But they know I'm disappointed they just have no idea how much. Had to add that because I probably sound like I'd be a nightmare. I never even bring it up. Or even talk about wedding really. I cried was upset to myself.
@graciousbride: This is ridiculous. I've read everything on this board and there is nothing that suggests that @UpstateCait: has a negative attitude or comes off as against DWs. You posted here because you were upset and I'm assuming was looking for advice. That is what EVERYONE here has given you. Support and advice. Every single poster was honest about their feelings of the situation, and many had first hand experience. Hell, even I feel terrible for you. If my closest friends backed out last minute I'd be devastated. My friends mean a lot to me, and I've gone through great lengths to show them that, so I know what it feels like to be burned. But I also know the logistics of a DW, and I also know I couldn't afford to jet off to Bermuda right now. Even given a year to save up there are so many other things my money goes to. I'm applying and auditioning for grad schools right now, after application fees, plane tickets, lodging, food--it's a pretty penny. That's just what's going on in MY life right now. Everyone has something happening.
Usually when things get snarky (and yes, you have been snarky) I hit the back button. I want nothing to do with it. But I get upset when I see people being sweet and understanding and trying to offer comfort and advice and you continue to pout. Even after your snark response to @UpstateCait: people were being nothing but kind. I see CaitMarae all over the boards and she is nothing but sweet and gracious. Something, you, "graciousbride", have not been.
I'm truly sorry that you're feeling bummed as your wedding approaches. This should be a joyful time, and sometimes it's hard to remember that. Know this--the people who REALLY care about you and your FI--they will be there. But also know that everyone here has offered up their best advice, and NONE of it was meant to cause ill. Don't ask for help then bite back as you did.
@MissHoneyBun: ok, i had the EXACT opposite reaction so I couldn't help but comment.
I would be upset if I were the OP too. and I don't think she was snarky.
because I think CaitMarae's comments, while not 'snarky', were kinda judgmental. . i feel like CM often makes the same type of comment on various threads, regarding anything having to do with money. . .'well why are you upset, you should never expect anyone to spend any money for your wedding ever' which I feel is just unrealistic!
YES-brides expect their friends to spend money for their weddings. would I be hurt in this situation? ABSOLUTELY. would I get defensive if I posted on Weddingbee and everyone told me that I was wrong for being hurt? absolutely.
@ graciousbride
No worries,everything for a reason and best of luck to you on your DW. 
To everyone else ...
Sometimes people just need a neutral place to vent when they are unhappy; I don't think lectures on friendship and finances are necessary.
Sorry to hear you're upset. I hope you guys can still enjoy your wedding day - even if it's just the two of you.
I understand your friend's not wanting to pay to go to Aruba. If every friend of yours chose to have a destination wedding, would you be prepared to go?
My DH and I can afford to go to destination weddings but we choose not to because we don't WANT to spend that much money on our friend's weddings. Doesn't mean we love them any less, but we have other priorities.
I know it sux that your friends told you kinda late but I think they perhaps just didn't want to burn your excitment when you initially mentioned it.
@hellorebecca: Most of my gripe with the OP was based on the few lines of her post that she chose to edit after the fact. She came off as very selfish and suggested that her friends were bad friends for choosing to not attend her DW. Sorry, but I have a problem with that!
But whatever, my points have been made. No sense in repeating myself over and over again.
Remember, to get married all you really need is a bride, a groom, and someone to make it official. All the rest is really just fluff.
Don't feel bad. Like some of the other girls have said it probably isn't that your side doesn't love you as much, a destination wedding may truly just be out of their ability to afford or just not be something they can fit into their lives right now.
And Aruba is an amazingly beautiful place. I'm an Aruba-addict. I'm sure your wedding would be lovely even if it were just the two of you.
@hellorebecca: I never told her she shouldn't be upset. I said I myself would be devastated. And I don't think CaitMarae was being judgmental, I think she was offering the other viewpoint, which we often, myself included, forget to think about. But again, I didn't see anyone here telling her she was wrong for being hurt (again, myself included). But saying things like "I'm sorry you just come off as against the whole DW thing. You seem to have a negative attitude and are full of wise words n (sic) very opinionated about things you have little experience and information about such as my character and people in my life." and also implying that your friends "suck" for not being able (or maybe just not wanting to--we will never know) to jet off to Aruba. Those things, at least to me, have some snark in them.
@Monster of the Bride: I don't see any lectures on friendship or finances on here. I see people giving an honest opinion that they were asked for.
I'm sorry you're not getting the wedding you've dreamed of, but unfortunately, even with time, people have other things to pay for.
For example, I was invited to not one, but TWO desitination weddings this year. Both are in Mexico at 4 star resorts that are $400 per night with a three night minimum to be able to attend the wedding. (When my friends told me about them, I orginally thought I might be able to make it, Mexico is chep... My FI and I have gone on 5 night all-inclusive trips for $600/each incl airfare. I figured I'd find a cheap trip just stay elsewhere, but its against resort policy.)
ADD those two destination weddings in with the other FIVE weddings we have this year (so far), only one of which is where we life, AND add in our OWN wedding this year, and there is no way we could drop $2k (plus gift and spending money) on attending a wedding in Aruba or Mexico. We're on the hook for at least $700 in gifts and that doesn't even include travel and lodging! That alone could take a year for some people to save.
As Miss Manners says, those who choose to have a Destination Wedding are choosing the destination over their guests. I'm sure your friends love you and would love to be there for you, but its often not feasible.
@graciousbride: Although I am not having a DW I totally understand what you are going through in an opposite way. My fiance and a lot of our mutual friends are British. My Fiances best man sent him a facebook message to tell him he couldnt come. while I do understand money is an issue to me it was the way he just sent a message. You have EVERY right to be upset. Although I know it has nothing to do with how they feel about me and it might be money issues its hard to take it personal because it is "THE DAY" And my best friend is getting married next january and she will be in Florida. I know Florida is not Aruba but I am going to do WHATEVER I have to do. and I know she is going to do the same to me. Its a very sensitive time when we are stressed and dealing with everyone so we are even more sensitive then normal.
Everyone has their own opinions and sometimes we arent going to hear what we want. I just can sympathize because Im worried about people not coming from England even though I know they want to be there it just doesnt feel that way since it doesnt seem like they are that bothered.
Just remember that everyone that is going whether they are on your grooms side or your side they are coming to celebrate with you. To celebrate the joining of you two coming together. So I hope you start to look forward to your day.
Wow...reading through all this I'm glad I'm not getting married. I know the OP says she's an older bride and not just starting out, but reading a lot of the posts it makes me wonder how old actually because a lot of the comments are extremely selfish. I get it, you want close friends there, but they can't make it...you've said the price anywhere from $400 to $120 a night to $300 that it would cost them...even places that are all inclusive often have hidden costs. Asking people to spend that much is a lot. I've never had friends ask me to spend more than about $150...shoes and dress, and one didn't ask us to have shoes that matched...other stuff, bachelorette party and gifts, were my choices, I wasn't asked to do that and I've done those things as I could afford them. My BFs friend was the one I spent the most on and that was only about $300 for everything. Sure DW sounds great to people at the beginning, but when it comes to it, it isn't for everyone. I had to back out of one (many months in advance) because of the costs and based on the fact that she wasn't a really close friend so I decided since I had spent what I did on my BFs a year before I couldn't spend more on someone else's. Something else the OP said though too is that the 40 guests there she is going to feel like a guest at her own wedding. Aren't these people soon to be family and friends of the groom so shouldn't she know them too and in the idea that the closest friends will come, shouldn't the people that are going to be there then be the close friends??
I'm sorry this is happening to you but I do have to agree with some of the other posters..a year isn't that long to save for a trip down south..even if you plan to pay their airfare they still have to pay for a hotel, their food and most likely their dresses, shoes and whatever for your wedding (unless you are paying for their attire.)
I do agree that they should have never agreed to doing it, if they didn't think they could have the money to go.
Why don't you and your fiance marry in Aruba then have like a little get together when you get back home for the rest of the people who couldn't attend?
My dad and his fiancee are getting married by themselves in Jamaica in March then having a get together when they get home.
I think it is very hard to expect everyone to go down south just for a wedding..it is super expensive.
My future sister in law having her wedding in las Vegas and as much as I am excited for her , its going to cost a lot for me and my fiance when we are planning our own wedding that is going to take place 4 months after hers.
I would rather not go because its expensive to get a hotel there for few days. Your friends would be feeling the same way and they might have other things for THEIR life that they need to save up for.
IDK, I get where you're coming from. I'd be really upset, too if my very close friends said they were coming & then backed out 2 months before. I totally understand that things like finances come up, but that still doesn't change the fact that I'd be crushed if I was excited for my close friends to share my day with me, and then to find out relatively last minute that they weren't coming. Sorry you have to go through this! :(
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I need serious help from you girls. I have no interest or desire to continue to plan wedding. In fact it has become a trigger for anxiety and sadness! I'm getting married in Aruba in 3 months and have Given over a years notice.Recently ALL of my friends have either backed out entirely or are debating on going at all. Lately I've been depressed and cannot even think about the wedding enthusiastically. My family consists of my brother and mother. There will be over forty guests and only 3 will be mine. I feel like I'm planning a party for someone else. I'm so sad disappointed and overwhelmed with emotion that I won't have any supporters there for me on my wedding day. There will be times I want to turn to a friend and I won't have one. The worst part is that all this time they were all on board to come and be my wedding party.... Now I have no wedding party. But we have asked his friends and family to be groomsmen already and they are all attending and excited. I don't know what to do. I'm even so humiliated that I'm going to have to cancel having a party due to nobody cares enough about me to attend! Even 3 of my friends I have talked to on a everyday basis since grammar school! I have no idea what I did to deserve this. I have always gone outta my way for all of them. And have even offered to pay for their airfare. Still nobody will commit to go. One will be 6 months pregnant and the other 2 say they cannot afford it. But without getting to much into it... Nobody will ever get to Aruba cheaper than what I've made it for them. Sorry to say that I'm not looking forward to my own wedding. The only silver lining is that I'm marrying my best friend and couldn't ask for something more in a partner. I guess that's the most important. But for some reason doesn't help me be less disappointed or sad. How can I feel good about this? Wedding day without people you care about! I should've eloped.