Post # 1
I learned today that out of my 7 bridesmaids only 2 can attend my shower. 2 of my bridesmaids I knew would never be able to go because of how far it was – which was completely fine. But, the others all RSVP’ed as “yes” and then just “realized” they can’t go. Even though the date was selected back in November….I heard today that two have work commitments that make travel (about 6 hrs round trip) too difficult and the other one apparently has a wedding to attend (which is weird because the shower is in the middle of the day). Anyway…
I am really surprised by how sad this make me. We’ve been engaged for a *long* time (2+ years) and so I’ve been really looking forward to the shower etc because it’s all finally starting to get exciting again. Then, in the last few weeks I found out my sister (MOH) is pregnant and my family is so excited about this (first grandchild) and its all anyone can talk about. While all of this is so exciting, I feel like I’ve been sort of lost in the mix. This is finally starting to get to the fun and exciting stuff and now I feel like I don’t get to have my “attention”. That sounds so horrible (because I am not an attention seeking person and I am truly so happy for my sister) but I can’t think of a better way to describe it.
I tried talking to my fiance about it but he doesn’t quite understand…and I can’t talk to my bridesmaids about it because they all know each other and I worry the wrong sentiment will be spread around. I adore my bridesmaids and am not angry at them, I know people have commitments and absolutely can’t pause their lives for my wedding (nor should they), but I’m just sad.
Ugh, so, I guess there isn’t really a point to this post other than – has anyone else been in this situation? If so, what did you do to get past it and cheer up?
Post # 3
sorry to hear. i would be sad too if my bridesmaids wouldn’t be able to attend but sometimes things happen.
were you BMs not the ones planning your bridal shower?
also, your sister being newly pregnant is exciting, especially if the first grandchild. while you think it is taking away the attention from you, it is not.
everyone can’t be as excited for your wedding as your are. your day will come on september 28 when you are the center of everyone’s attention. i’m sure the week before, people will begin to get excited for the wedding.
Post # 4
Sorry to hear that. I have 7 bridesmaids as well and only 3 of them will be at my shower. At first it made me really sad, but at the end of the day they will be there on the big day and that’s all that matters. It was just too expensive ( and unrealistic) for them to travel across the country. I found that focusing on all of the other amazing people that are taking the time to come made me excited!
Post # 5
@MsSunny: unfortunately these things happen.
i think you are focusing on the wrong thing and by doing so you are increasing your negativity. be grateful for the people who are coming to the shower and accept the fact that not everyone can make it.
Post # 6
I just want to say I feel your pain. I painfully examined several weekends that would allow for all 3 of my bridesmaids to attend my shower and we finally found one…come to find out my MOH is no longer able to make it because her FI’s brother is getting married in another state that day (there was a miscommunication about the date of his wedding). I really want to be like “you made plans to be at my shower, you’re my MOH, tell your SO you can’t make it to the damn wedding”, but I just can’t bring myself to do that and unfortunately I don’t think she’ll come to that conclusion by herself.
Post # 7
Xubelle11, I love your attitude! Hi, my first post here on Weddingbee! I love all things- wedding!
MsSunny, I”m so sorry that most of your bridesmaids won’t be there. Some people might say, what is her problem, not everyone can work around your shower schedule…but the fact is when we say “bridesmaids” we are really saying our closest friends and family!
So YES it IS sad when our bridesmaids, i.e. our dearest friends (we thought!) can make it to our shower.
I wonder if something else is at play here? Could it be they feel they’ve already spent a lot of money on the wedding (sorry I don’t know this, just wondering) and feel that any expense towards a shower gift or travel expenses is just not something they can do now?
I have no idea. Maybe they just don’t understand how important they are to you as friends. Maybe just tell them that, but not related to the shower. Just let them know how much they mean to you. Have a wonderful and fun shower with those that could make it!
Post # 8
- Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY
@MsSunny: Girl, I was in the same exact situation. (Search my thread “Would you be peeved…”).
I was sad when 2 of my BMs couldn’t attend the shower they were throwing me. They definitely could have planned around it. The fact of them matter is I wasn’t a priority. And that hurt. So I will say I totally get how you feel. You are certainly justified in being upset that SO many of them can’t attend. I’m sorry.
Most people here on the Bee were like “omg, why would you be mad? Your bridemaids are BUSY and you shouldn’t EXPECT them to come to your SHOWER!! You’re being unreasonable!” I was like, really? I thought that was one of the only things they did, throw you a shower and stand next to you on the big day? Huh? So don’t expect much sympathy.
If I were a bridesmaid, and I have been multiple times, come hell or high water I would attend that damn shower.
Post # 9
Anyway you could change the date? I am sorry, I would eb bummed too!
Post # 10
Thanks for the help ladies! Just to clarify – I’m not angry in the least. Just sad that so many who I thought would be there aren’t going to be there now. I completely understand that people have lives. Also, @GentleBeautifulLove: totally hit it on the head. When it comes down to it, I just wanted to spend the time with my really good friends who I rarely get to see and now I can’t. But, life isn’t always perfect (right?!?) and so many people are still coming that I’m still excited to see and all of my girls will (obviously) be at the wedding so I’m just going to focus on those happy thoughts (good tip @MrsDeLovely: :o).
Post # 11
@MsSunny: Turn that frown upside down Ms. Sunny! You’re still going to have your bridal shower, and the excitement and attention about the pregnancy of your sister will all be directed at you when it comes to your bridal shower! I can understand your disappointment- but I’m glad your BM all told you in advance, rather than being bitches and no-showing. And, after reading the boards, it sounds like nothing compared to some really hoorible, hoorible things that happen to people’s special events.
I think I’ve heard about 3 people dying either DURING the wedding ceremony, a few days before, or having the funeral on the wedding day on the boards. So… it could always be worse?
I can understand you’re feeling lost and ignored, but a shower is just one of many parties in celebration of the actual wedding! As long as your BM show up for the wedding, that’s all that matters 😉 lol The rest of the events are just icing on the cake.
Post # 12
@MsSunny: Yes, it’s okay to be sad! It’s a unfortunate situation. I understand that the BMs located father away not coming but seriously, if this has been planned for a little less than a year, I think they should make a real attempt at making the shower (shit does happen, like illness and money issues but come on!). When I was a Bridesmaid I told my boss straight up I was not available for that day and the wedding as SOON as I knew the dates. I made the cake, I delivered it and I participated in the Shower. It was awesome seeing my Bride happy with all the hard work we put into it. I wouldn’t have wanted to miss it.
Now, that I am the Bride, I hope they support me like I supported them. I have left all the Bridal shower stuff in their hands, so they get to pick the date. Other than my FSIL(a BM), who lives 3 hours away, all my BMs should be there.
It’s my 2 cents that you shouldn’t think of your sister’s pregnancy as a spot light stealer. No, it’s not wrong to have that initial reaction of “OMG, my wedding is gonna be a fleeing thought” but think about it: People are going to remember 2 great things that happened so close together; your wedding and your niece/nephew’s birth. It’s a celebratory time! Just try to be happy over all. 🙂 And make these events an excuse to PARTY!
Post # 13
I hear ya !
Only one of my three BM’s are going to be able to make it to my bridal shower just based on location alone. a lot of friends that are important to me won’t be able to make it for the same reason.
I live in Newfoundland now, and the other two (plus the others) are in Ontario. They’ll arrive (hopefully) about a week before the wedding so we can have my Bachelorette and do all the last minute stuff.
It sucks that they wont be able to make it, and If i could, I’d have my shower, Bachelorette, rehearsal, and wedding in the same week, but it’s just not possible. I’ve just learned to accept the fact that I live in another province, and atleast they,ll be there for the other more important stuff.
I know you were looking forward to it being an event with all your girls, but Don’t let it ruin your special time. 🙂
Post # 14
That does suck, but at least they have good reasons and they aren’t just blowing you off. For the one who has a wedding, that’s her future family and if she causes bad feelings, she’s stuck with the consequences for years. As for the two that have to work, not everyone has paid time off and even those who do, some industries discourage using it (which is dumb as hell but that’s the way the working world works).
Post # 15
I had 6 bridesmaids and only 2 were at my shower. But because of my new family I had a blast!!! Sure it’s nice too have everyone there, but the important thing is just having fun and enjoying YOUR day.