Bridesmaids dilema… please help

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
2205 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

If it were truly finances, I would say try to help her pay for the dress, since that is the only thing she would apparently need to buy.

However…  And I know it’s difficult to judge financial situations, but it really confuses me how they could afford luxury cars and vacations to Hawaii, on top of expensive bras and anything else, but she can’t afford a $200 dress…

I would ask her how much she thinks is fair for a dress.  If she says something reasonable, try to work in that limit.  If she backs out after then, she fails.  If she says something really low (like $10), she fails.

What does she fail at?  Placing your friendship at a high enough priority.

You may get some Bees commenting, well, just let her wear whatever, what’s more important, your vision or your friend… But there’s a line, and you shouldn’t make sacrifices for a girl who clearly seems to not want to make sacrifices for you.

Post # 4
Member
855 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

I wish people would stop counting other people’s money. A $70 bra is something you wear more than once. A $200 bridesmaid dress isn’t. It doesn’t matter what kind of cars they drive, where they live, whether they work or not. If she can’t afford THIS or doesn’t feel like she wants to spend the money on THIS, then she doesn’t have to. Sure, it would have been nice for her to say something when you first asked, but I have a feeling the sentiment you have would have been the same because she would have said she couldn’t afford it and you’d still be talking about what she has and what’s she bought. In other words…. she can’t win for losing. I wouldn’t pay $200 for ANY dress and I could afford it. I just wouldn’t want to. It doesn’t make me any less of a friend to you, it makes me a friend who realizes that I still have stuff to do with my money past your wedding and YOU should respect THAT – because after all, being in your wedding is doing YOU a favor, not the other way around.

Post # 6
Member
377 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@HappilyEverAfter329:  $200!!! Girl my ladies dresses are $75 and they have known since Feb about and the price and know the deadline is in Aug. My ladies wantime to wait until January to get their money for there dress like come on now, REALLY!!! Two months before, I don’t think so, I even try to set up a payment plan $25 every two months and nothing! I had one to tell me today that they would be find sitting in the audience watching. Me and you both we be fine, less stress for me. Debating if I should count her out or just wait til Aug to see if she pay or not.

Post # 8
Member
8720 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

Sigh.

I absolutely hate when people watch other people’s money. 

Can you pay for her dress? It is just one dress and does not seem to be a big deal if you really want her by your side. If your wedding isnt for another 9 months then you dont even need to order bridesmaids’ dresses yet anyway. Also, how old are you guys that her mother is calling yours?

Post # 9
Member
855 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

@gelaine22:  I get the feeling that they are very young, but I get the feeling that most of these brides are young still….

I agree though, if it’s just $200, then the bride should pay for the dress if it’s important that she be there – and no, I’m not wearing a $200 dress to someone else’s wedding, but then again, I’m not counting other people’s money.

Post # 10
Member
855 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

@HappilyEverAfter329:  and why are you in a bad situation if your wedding isn’t for another YEAR? You made this sound like you were getting married something close to tomorrow.

 

Post # 11
Member
1801 posts
Buzzing bee

@Apple_Blossom:  You may get some Bees commenting, well, just let her wear whatever, what’s more important, your vision or your friend… But there’s a line, and you shouldn’t make sacrifices for a girl who clearly seems to not want to make sacrifices for you
.

YES. THIS 

Post # 12
Member
943 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Her wedding is nine months out.. It’s not that weird that she would be dress shopping now.

 

OP, she’s making excuses, which means she doesn’t want to be in the wedding. It could be money, it could be her mother, it could be anything, but you don’t want to deal with trying to keep a BM happy that already is causing you stress. 

Is it going to be worth the trouble to convince her to, once again, agree to be in your wedding? If I were you, I’d let her just take the out, by stepping down based on the cost of the dress, rather than convincing her to come back, possibly dealing with more drama, kicking her out later and ruining the friendship.

Post # 15
Member
855 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

@HappilyEverAfter329:  Then don’t ignore the question. How old are you and her because I just got married and my mother never spoke to anyone in the bridal party’s mother… ever.

Post # 16
Member
377 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@DJones69:  I’m just curious to know how much was your Bm dresses?

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