Post # 1
After reading a bunch of posts here and elsewhere, and based on my own feelings, I decided to make up a goody bag of items for my BMs.
I got perfume, Ms. and Mrs. Minmergency Kits, Robes, Chocolates and something personal.
Originally I was going to get them necklaces as well, but I went overboard on the other gifts, so I proposed them each wearing something gold from their own collections.
Maid/Matron of Honor: Thought this was great
Bridesmaid or Best Man1: Was upset because she doesn’t own any gold jewellery and doesn’t want to incur the additional costs, but said it was up to me and she would go with it.
Bridesmaid or Best Man2: GOT SUPER UPSET because it is “traditional” for the Bride to give necklaces and that’s what she was “expecting” and she doesn’t own anything, blah blah blah.
So I am really kind of upset and hurt because I was trying to be really considerate, getting them cool gifts and now the whole thing has been spoiled. I was having a lot of fun getting them things.
Bridesmaid or Best Man2 wants me to return the things I got and she just wants the necklace.
I don’t know what to do. Do I give up my gifts? Do I just give the BMs necklaces and give my Maid/Matron of Honor all the additional stuff?
Post # 3
- Wedding: March 2012 - Father's Vineyard Church/ A Touch of Class Banquet Center
They are gifts for a reason. I would say no. While it is very kind to keep in mind things they may like, it’s not a gift if they are telling you what the gift is, at least in my opinion. Honestly, Bridesmaid or Best Man 2 sounds like a spoiled child by saying that. She should be grateful for the gift. I would just tell them that they don’t have to wear any jewelery if it’s that big of a problem and give them the gifts that you worked so hard on.
Post # 4
Um, I wouldn’t even tell my BMs what I am getting them as a gift….it’s a gift and for good reason…if anyone has a problem with it than they are very ungrateful in my opinion. You are getting them a gift to do something nice and they should recognize that. Sorry you have to deal with this 🙁
Post # 5
They should appreciate your thoughtfulness. If they can’t afford to buy a necklace maybe they could borrow one. You have enough to worry about. They should not expect you to return the gifts you are giving them.
Post # 6
I didn’t tell them what I was getting specifically, but Bridesmaid or Best Man2 accused me of “making them buy their own thank you gifts” and I was like !!!!!! I got you guys other things it was supposed to be a surprise!!!
The problem is I agree with @doily and I feel like she is being a spoiled brat, so if she wants a necklace, then fine, that’s what I will get her!
And @Jen402 I totally told them borrowing was, of course, an option (my sister – Maid/Matron of Honor – and I both have large collections of jewellery) and then she complained about wearing necklaces at all and said there would be “drama” when picking out and wearing borrowed pieces.
It’s like I can’t win!!
TBH, I am regretting asking her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man… she was my best friend in high school, but we drifted apart after that… clearly with good reason, but I really wanted to include her. I don’t know how to NOT be upset and mad at her for acting this way, but my Fiance says I need to let it go. 🙁
Post # 7
I agree with all PPs. How rude to dictate what they think their gift should be!
Post # 8
WOW. Bridesmaid or Best Man2 sounds like a superbitch. Bridesmaid or Best Man1 can get fake gold tone jewelry for less tahn ten bucks. Sounds like you picked the right lady for Maid/Matron of Honor. Gifts are Gifts. once tehy are given, its up to the recipient what they do with them. My BMs will be super surprised when I give them their gifts on the night before the wedding
Post # 9
I also agree with everyone else – I think you’ve gone above & beyond for gifts and they should be thankful!!
Post # 10
Whilst I agree with everyone else about the gift thing, I am of the opposing opinion on the necklace thing. If you are requiring them to wear a gold necklace as part of their outfit then you should pay for it. I can undertand Bridesmaid or Best Man2 being upset over having to fork out cash to buy a piece of gold jewellery that she is probably never going to wear again for your wedding.
Maybe just let them knwo that they can accessorise how they like. Honestly no one will even notice what the BM’s are wearing as jeweller unless it is something outrageous!
Post # 11
I think the gifts you are giving them are better than jewelery, I have been a bridesmaid 10 times and would have prefered your gifts. HOWEVER, I agree with J Jaye- if you are expecting them to wear gold jewelery then I can understand them being upset because bridesmaid costs do add up. I personally do not plan on giving my Bridesmaid or Best Man jewelery to wear either because having received lots of stuff that I wouldn’t really wear / use again I’ve decided I want to give a more practical gift. For example, I’m thinking about getting my 2 MOHs a trip to a day spa for all their hard work. That being said, I am not telling them what jewelery they should wear, otherwise I’d feel like I should provide it. Finally, having said all that…your BM’s do sound like they’re being a bit childish.
Post # 12
I agree with PP… I would let them know that jewlery is to be gold colored. If they do not have any, you might offer to lend them some of yours (if you have some) or they don’t need to wear any at all. personally, I don’t own any gold jewlery but always love an excuse to buy stuff- even if it’s the cheap costume stuff. BMs #2 and #3 are being babies.
I would probably go as far as offering them ideas of inexpensive gold colored jewelry. In fact, check out these options that won’t even make a dent in your wallet:
Post # 13
“BM2: GOT SUPER UPSET because it is “traditional” for the Bride to give necklaces and that’s what she was “expecting” and she doesn’t own anything, blah blah blah.”
That’s the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard! I have been a bridesmaids 4 times ans only once did the bride give a necklace. Since when do bridesmaids have a say in what gift they get? Are you kidding me!?
Post # 14
I think your BMs are ungrateful for telling you what to gift them. BUT I can totally understand them not wanting to buy new jewelry for your wedding. Maybe offer to let them borrow some of yours or give them the option to not wear any jewelry instead.
Post # 15
Like everyone else has already said….selfish and ungrateful is the vibe that I’m getting!
They can certainly borrow jewelry or buy a fake gold necklace…or you could just not worry about the jewelry.
I certainly wouldn’t buy Bridesmaid or Best Man2 the necklace anyway…that’s like giving a kid throwing a tantrum what they want!
Post # 16
That is SO rude of your bridal party, IMO. A gift is a gift and I am sure someone has gold jewelery that they can borrow… not a big deal!