bridesmaids drama, less than a fortnight until wedding!

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 4
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

That BLOWS! You sound like an AMAZING bride, buying the dresses AND picking flattering ones, instead of sticking them in horrible 80s-flashback bridal satin messes. Also, you used “fortnight”, so I love you a little.

Post # 5
851 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@chachkalica:  Sorry to hear that you are dealing with all of this.  Weddings tend to bring out either the good or bad in people.  I had two cases of Bridesmaids behaving badly.  One girl bailed from the wedding party and the wedding entirely and another was the biggest pain in my butt throughout the entire wedding planning process.  I think a some of it is jealousy (I know I am going to get it for using that word).  Some of it also could related to the notion that no one cares as much about your wedding as you do.  Your wedding appears to be in a few weeks and you really have two options.  You can do your best to be levelheaded, mature and supportive of your girls and deal with all the drama later.  Or, you can give these girls the option of backing out from being in the wedding party if they want.  In terms of giving them the option to back out, I mean doing it in a non defensive manner. 


Post # 6
1491 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Sorry you are going through this crap!  

If I were you, I’d be asking myself at this point what was more important…having 5 bridesmaids to match the groom’s side OR having supportive people stand up with me at my wedding.   If it were me, I’d tell the (bad) bridesmaids to get on board with a smile on their face or else they can turn in their bridemsaids sash and just come as guests.  

Your SIL sound like a total biotch.  Why not tell your FI how horrible she is being, and see if he can talk some sense into her.  If he insisted that she be part of it, I would make this his problem to make her behave.  

Post # 8
255 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

@chachkalica:  Sorry this is happening to you.

I would be guessing that the friend that lives in the next suburb is jealous. Until we hit 2014, your wedding seemed ages away, but now it is real, and it has hit her that it is actually happening, while she is unemployed and her life isn’t going how she wants.

The two women who aren’t supporting you have their own issues, which is what makes them act like horrible people.

Good luck.

Post # 9
120 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I’m not sure there’s any advice that will work.  Maybe it will help to know I went through a lot of crap with my bridesmaid dresses too.  It was seriously the biggest issue I had with my planning.  They were a lot like your uncooperative bridesmaids.

Can your fiance talk to her?  You’ve voiced your issues with him, right?  What if HE asked her to get on board and do these things?  I don’t know.  I think we all run into people who make our wedding harder than it has to be.  The best thing you can do is just get through it, and not let her ruin YOUR day. Nobody asked me what my something borrowed, blue, old, and new were on my wedding day, but my DH knew that my something borrowed was his patience since I was so frustrated by my bridal party!  lol, hope that helps to know you aren’t alone.  You can’t *make* anyone do things, nor can you make them like you.  You CAN adjust your own attitude and stay away from those toxic folks.  Steer as clear as you can and enjoy your wedding day anyway!  Best of luck to you in this difficult situation.

Post # 10
493 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@chachkalica:  It sounds like your SIL has had issues with you pre-wedding and your friend is going through some stuff of her own. It doesn’t excuse their behavior, but you can take comfort in the realization that it isn’t really about you. You can’t make them be gracious or cooperative, you can only control your own behavior.

At this point probably the best thing to do is have the alterations done to the best of your ability, be excrutiatingly polite and nice to both girls, and if they come around and walk in your wedding, great. If they don’t, they don’t. In the case of your SIL, you’re giving her more ammunition for her dislike by arguing with her and I would NOT ask your fiance to intervene- he can’t MAKE her be nice so there’s no point, and by complaining to him, again, you’d be turning it in to a tug-of-war rather than “my sister is being crazy about my fiancee”. Perhaps she’ll value looking good to everyone else enough to shape up her act before the wedding and be there with bells on; perhaps she won’t. Either way, this reflects *on her*, not you.

It sounds like your friend is going through some rough stuff. Your focus on the wedding is totally understandable, but did the communcation taper off from normal conversations about everything, or did she just stop responding to wedding-related messages and then (understandably) you stopped messaging about other things? If she’s unemployed and presumably stressed, hearing about your wedding is probably the icing on the feeling-like-crap cake right now. Again, this is *not really about you* but surely you can imagine being in her shoes and how it might feel? Try reaching out to her again with an offer to hang out or do something free and wedding-unrelated. Again, maybe you guys can patch things up sufficiently that she comes and stands up with you and it’s great. Maybe you can’t, and again: *not your problem*.

Don’t TELL either of them you’re cutting them from the wedding, and don’t cut contact, but just… let it go. By giving it a lot of importance, you’re handing the girl who doesn’t like you a control over you, and putting a lot of extra weight on the friend who is unemployed and already stressed and obviously unhappy. Just let it go *in your own head*. Imagine the worst case scenario- that they don’t come to the wedding- and realize that it will be totally fine if that happens.

At a certain point, you have to decide: is having even groomsmen/bridesmaids worth all the frustration, stress, effort, money, and worsening relationships it’s causing? Any money already spent is already spent; don’t throw good money and effort after bad in an attempt to justify it. Either they will come and be in the wedding in a nice way, or they won’t. Don’t kill yourself trying to force it. Let the idea of making them play nice go and you’ll be so much happier- and maybe actually get your five nice supportive bridesmaids out of it, as well.

Post # 11
573 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@CreatureFromTheBlackLagoon:  +1, it sounds totally fancy!

If your fiance’ wants her in the wedding and she didn’t have to pay for the dress, she can suck it up and wear it, or she can NOT be in the wedding. 

Post # 12
169 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

If you are paying for the girls dresses the ones that don’t like the dress will have to suck it up.. Its your wedding and you paid for the dresses.

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