Post # 1
Okay so this will propably sound like a obvious question, but what exactly is the bridesmaid’s duties? I only have one bridesmaid (or moh – here in SA we do not really refer to moh). I only asked one because she is basically my best friend and i do not really have any other people i want to ask and also the budget because their dresses, hair and make up etc all adds up. And we have a small wedding, about 70 people maybe less. I know the bridesmaid needs to organize the batchelorette cos i obviously cannot do that. And she and my mum is going with me this weekend to try on wedding dresses, but what else are bridesmaids responsible for? Or is this it, aside from assisting on the day of the wedding? As far as i know they have to help and so on but i also think its not fair to lean to heavily on them as they also have their own lives. So what things should one reasonably ask your bridesmaid to help you with?
Post # 3
@cadi12345: There is no one answer to that question. It depends on your culture, and your country. I’m guessing that in South Africa – like here in Australia – there are a lot of similarities to UK, but I don’t really know. Anyway, take this as a caution to beware of lists you find on the internet, which usually assume a particular country or culture.
Here in Australia not a great deal is expected. Organise a bachelorette (hens’ night we call it here), wear the bridesmaid dress that the bride chooses (and possibly pay for it – even in Australia that tradition varies), and be there for the rehearsal and wedding (including getting ready for the wedding in the morning). Traditionally anything else, like helping with the wedding planning, is optional.
But if you are best friends, you might find you both want her there for the “fun” decisions (like dress shopping) anyway. In the end, it’s whatever the two of you agree to do, not what tradition tells you she should do.
Post # 4
@cadi12345: I think you should talk to her about it. Find out what she’s willing to put into the wedding as far as time goes.
I’ve had some BM’s tell me that they’re more than willing to help with anything that needs to get done, even if it means licking envelopes. lol
If you’re doing a shower, I’d ask her if that’s something she’s comfortable planning or helping to plan with your mom
I think some people have problems with expecting BM’s to do certain things and then they don’t do them. I’ve been a BM 5 times and there are things I never would have known were my responsibility if someone never told me or asked.
Post # 5
Different people expect different things from their bridesmaids, I’m in the camp of not expecting anything really. They were all able to come when I picked out my dress, but if it didn’t fit in their schedule that would have been fine too.
Not registering so not having a shower, we are spread out (two in Ontario, one in British Columbia, and I’m in Texas) so I told them not to worry about a bachelorette, but they want to come here so we will see if it works out. If not, no big deal.
Other than that, they just have to show up on the day!
Post # 6
This can be a very hot topic. A lot of people strongly argue that the only responsibility is to show up on the day of the wedding sober and in the attire of your choice. I do agree with this but I am coming from a US perspective.
Showers, bachelorette parites or anything else are really optional. That being said, many BMs host pre-wedding events and help out on the day of the wedding. But it is not required. I think that’s the big thing is not to expect anything else out of your BM but if they offer, then that is wonderful.
I would talk to your friend like PP suggested but don’t hold anything against her if she doesn’t want to host any pre-wedding parties or be involved in every step of your planning process. Not to say she won’t but I don’t think it’s her responsiblity.
Post # 7
This varies a lot, but I’ll tell you what I wanted of my bridesmaids.
- Most important – support me during the engagement period, on the day of the wedding and in my future marriage. Bsically – be a good friend and be supportive of my relationship
- Get and wear a yellow, knee length dress
- Organize bachelorette (they asked what I wanted and we did a casual dinner at a Mexican restaurant and then went back to my suite for games and drinks and socializing)
- Get ready with me on wedding day – The hairdresser was in my suite, so they had to come there for their hair and it was nice to spend time with them.
- Take pictures with the bridal party
- Process down the aisle and stand beside me during the ceremony. Participate in ceremony with other guests
- My MOH held my husband’s ring until I needed it during the ceremony
- My MOH gave a short toast at the reception
- Have fun at the reception
- Tell me if my hair or makeup needs to be touched
- I didn’t expect this, but my MOH came up to try on dresses with me when I was trying to pick a wedding dress.
Post # 8
Basically I’d like my girls to show up in the dress we’ve all agreed on. Everything else is a bonus 🙂 My MOH came wedding dress shopping with me because she was available and she’s planning a shower because she wants to, but that’s it really.
Post # 9
My bridesmaids/MOH will be there the whole day with me and get dressed/ready with me with the dress they picked out in the color that I picked out
I hope they will help me go to the bathroom, fix my bussel if it comes loose, and touch me up on the day/night of and thats about it.
Basically my girls will help me use the bathroom…I’m a lightweight if I even drink a little bit, I have to pee a lot, so its a lot for them, gonna have to take turns taking me to the bathroom….lol.
Post # 10
@cadi12345: There’s no straightforward answer to that question, and it is a topic of much debate. As an overall, your bridesmaids should only do as much as they feel comfortable with, and it’s essential to be up front with them about it. They do have their own lives, and can’t be expected to organize your wedding for you (not saying you personally intend on doing this) and show up for all events leading up to the actual day. The wedding is one day, the rest is just fluff… the parties, the showers. That’s the bride’s problem if she feels she can’t get married unless those thing happen.
Post # 11
Given that she is your only bridesmaid, I think that her list of duties merits alterations to the traditional list. The expenses of pre-wedding parties are usually shared amongst several bridesmaids. I think that asking her to pay for them alone might be asking a bit much. Speaking from having been a bride’s only bridesmaid, it’s hard to say no to being a bridesmaid for someone that you are close to, even though you know that it will be expensive. Try to be considerate of your friend. She should be your friend and moral supporter throughout the process, but remember to be a friend to her too. Whatever you decide, make your expectations clear up front, so that you aren’t disappointed.
Post # 12
@cadi12345: this is tough for me too for i know all my girls are busy and i know how money is with everyone. so i’m always trying to do things by myself and making everything as budget friendly as possible.
but all i really want my girls to do is to stand by my side, take pictures (TONS), looks pretty, where their dresses.
same with my MOH, with the addition that she be in charge of planning the bachelorette and bridal shower and holding onto my clutch all night (that’s filled with makeup and like a first aid kit lol)
Post # 13
Thanks you guys for the replies. From it all i have decided she will come wedding dress shopping with me (i already asked her and she was excited we going this saturday). And be there for me on the day possibly plan the batchelorette’s. And of course wear the bridesmaids dress. I was considering getting more BM but it may be a bit expensive buying so many BM dresses and although i have other friends i am not as close with them as i am with her.I do not know about the payment for the party though as i would not expect her to pay for it. Maybe we can go out somewhere each one pays for herself or have a pamper party at home.
Post # 14
@cadi12345: For the bachelorette party – unless South African tradition is different from everywhere else, it is normal for all the girls (except the bride) to pay their own way. In some places the bridal party (your MOH) pays for the bride, in other places everyone chips in for the bride. But it almost certainly won’t be expected that your MOH pays for everyone else.
Post # 15
@cadi12345: We’re having about the same size wedding as you; hopefully 80 people. I have 1 Maid of Honour and 4 bridesmaids – all I’m asking them to do is plan my hen’s night and wear blue on my wedding day. They are such great girls and just because I’m getting married doesn’t mean I’m allowed to suddenly treat them like crap/my personal slaves (apologies for the rant, but I’ve read too many bridezilla posts today).
It’s really up to you in the end, but I do commend you for being considerate enough to understand that “they have their own lives”. Your bridesmaids are lucky – all the best! 🙂