(Closed) Bridesmaids Duties?

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: What are you asking from your B-maids?
    Show up to the wedding, that's all! : (28 votes)
    49 %
    Throw me a sweet bach. party! (And show up to the wedding of course...) : (14 votes)
    25 %
    Organize my shower and my bach. party and then help with day-before set-up things. : (10 votes)
    18 %
    Everything! Address envelopes, make centerpeieces, help with vendors, showers, set-up, etc : (5 votes)
    9 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2849 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I tried to be an understanding bride and not expect them to do too much. My bridesmaids attended my shower (well the ones that lived in town did), my bachelorette party, the rehearsal dinner/rehearsal and the wedding. They chipped in for the bachelorette party and paid for their dresses, but other than that, they didn’t have to buy anything. I paid for hair for all of them and let them wear their own shoes. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    12569 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I only expected them to show up at the wedding in the dress.  My mom and sister (MOH) took the lead on the shower without me saying anything, and we discussed and planned a bachelorette weekend as a group, rather than expectations.  I also did not make them (allow them) to pay for my flight/hotel at the bachelorette.

    I did not make them do any menial, tedious labor.  It’s my wedding, not theirs. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    3003 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    Lets see….Order the dress is what I hoped from all of them. That wasn’t a prob. I have a couple who offered to help me with the invites and petal aisle runner I want to make. I got dropped a last minute event to plan for work and its going to probably require me to work from home. I’m 3/4ish months out from the wedding so I’m trying not to panic. I am pissed, though. So I have like 2 (maybe 3- don’t really expect the 3rd to participate) to help me with those two things. One night, many bottles of wine, hammer them out! And I’m only asking those who have offered to help.

    Post # 6
    Member
    3003 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    oh….FI will be helping us, too!

    Post # 7
    Member
    2660 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Well all I required of my BMs was to be there on the wedding day.  But I did ask for some help with centerpieces, addressing STDs, putting invites together, dress shopping, and a few other odds and ends. They also did offer to throw a shower and bachelorette for me too.  If they could help with stuff then that was super (and usually they were more than happy to), but if they couldn’t it was no big dea.

    What you are asking sounds reasonable to me – so long as you are understanding if they can’t make it.

    Post # 8
    Member
    3901 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    All I am requiring is show up on the day in the dress (they are picking) and enjoy.

    They decided to throw a bachlorette and my FSIL is hosting a bridal shower.

    Post # 9
    Member
    1549 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    The main thing is to be there on my wedding day in the dress I choose. They can wear whatever silver shoes they want and its up to them if they want to get their hair or makeup done. I do expect a bachelorette party, but I already let them know that I will be paying for my own flight and hotel. My mom is planning the shower. 

    I do not expect them to help with setup and breakdown, thats the venue’s job. I also won’t have them sitting there working on DIY projects or centerpieces. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    1280 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    I have 7 girls. I really just needed them to show up at the wedding and other wedding related events, but they (a few) have done SO much more. They threw me an amazing shower last weekend and 3 of us have been making the DIY projects together which has been so much fun. Weve considered it a bonding experience for sure. I spent a fortune on the bridesmaids gifts to show them my thank you for how awesome they have been:)

    Post # 11
    Member
    3041 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I’ve asked them to be there for the wedding day and a few days before that so that we can hang out. No shower no party, the important thing for me is that they’re there in August and that I can chitchat with them about the wedding whenever I want to. Oh, I also asked them to pick a blue dress they liked – which they did, now we’ll only have to sort out the shoes and they are done. I’ll pay for both the dress and the shoes, as the wedding is very remote, it’s a big thing to ask them to travel that much just for me.

    Post # 12
    Member
    12 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I am only asking them to be there for the rehersal and rehersal dinner.  I know they are planning a shower, bach party and jack and jill.  I have one maid of honour and 2 bridesmaids…they have all offered to help with whatever and are all pretty crafty.  My MOH has already been helping me design our invitations.  I didn’t expect them to, they all want to.

    Post # 13
    Member
    7656 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I only asked them to stand next to me on my big day and wear the dress. They didn’t have the help, throw me a shower, nothing. I kind of forced them into the rehearsal dinner because it was immediately following the rehearsal (I suppose they could have left or whatever), but that it.

    Post # 14
    Member
    1710 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World

    I expected them to order their dresses on time and get their alterations done without drama (I had to get on my sisters’ butts to order them and to pick them up when I got a notice that DB couldn’t hold onto dresses more than 14 days after they arrived).  Besides that, I’m not having a bridal shower but my MOH is planning a bachelorette party, so I expect them to make it to it (barring childcare issues, and excepting my FSIL, who won’t be in town at the time of the bachelorette).  Here’s to hoping there will be no drama on the wedding day!

    Post # 15
    Member
    853 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    I only asked them to order their dresses and show up for the wedding and rehearsal (and the rehearsal wasn’t really manditory because some were still traveling).  Everything else was up to them.  Half attended the shower (one had work and she’s always busy so I already figured on that and the other is 2000 miles away).

    The days leading up to the wedding were great!  We just hung out without the manditory “omg, you have to come” it was so low key.  Maybe it was just our dynamic as friends, and they are very responsible so I didn’t have to worry about them not ordering their dresses, but by only asking them to come to the wedding (and rehearsal) they wanted to do other stuff.  I had a panic the day before when I thought I hadn’t made enough favors and they asked to pitch in and help.  They were so generous and caring and I think (I hope) it was in part because I understood that they have their own lives and I didn’t want to infringe on their valuable time.

    ETA: The few weddings I’ve been in there was usually more drama when the bride was mandating events to attend aside from the wedding, and less when the bride was all “show up.”  However, I think that speaks more to the personality types of the brides rather than anything else.

    Post # 16
    Member
    907 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    As long as they show up dressed and ready to rock and roll day-of, I can’t see expecting anything more of them. Several have OFFERED to do more, which I haven’t turned down. (One is doing the music for the ceremony and another is doing the graphic design for the invites, etc.) But my actual expectations begin and end on February 8, 2014. It’s their presence and love that I really want, not their labor.

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