Bridesmaids expected to put on the shower?

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Who put on your shower or typically does in your area?
    Mom(s) : (12 votes)
    14 %
    Aunt(s) : (4 votes)
    5 %
    MOH : (2 votes)
    2 %
    Bridesmaids/MOH : (56 votes)
    65 %
    Other : (12 votes)
    14 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    2913 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    in my area it’s usually hosted by the bridesmaids/maid of honor and/or mother of the bride.

    on my invitation it said my shower was hosted by my 3 bridesmaids, but really my maid of honor, her mom (my aunt/godmother), and my mom are the ones who did everything. i think they only listed the other 2 girls to be nice. one bridesmaid lives 3 hours away, so there wasn’t a whole lot she could do and my other bridesmaid was just a total flake. the only involvement they had was buying a couple of gift cards for prizes. other than that, they were basically guests at my shower.

    Post # 3
    Member
    602 posts
    Busy bee

    The MOH and bridesmaids host the shower. It’s actually considered rude (in some circles, like mine) for the mother of the bride to host the shower. When you agree to be a bridesmaid, you agree to assist with the pre wedding festivities. That’s normal. I personally think that chipping in $50, a few bottles of wine and a few misc things is incredibly reasonable. I’ve spent significantly more than that on the showers that I’ve co-hosted. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    808 posts
    Busy bee

    RedWine13:  I think it varies, where I’m from we don’t really have showers and to be honest I don’t think they’re ever required. In your case though, the MOB can’t just plan it herself and demand money from you. If she wants to plan it without your assistance then she should be paying. I don’t know how to approach the issue without potentially causing a bit of fuss, but it’s pretty crass for the MOB to merrily be going around spending your money. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    740 posts
    Busy bee

    MOH or sisters of the bride/groom tend to throw them in my area. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    7197 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    RedWine13:  8 x 2 = 16 prizes. 11 x $50 = $550 in food and decorations. How big is this party?

    We don’t do bridal showers where I live (so I ticked “Other”), but a general rule of any party is that all hosts need to be comfortable with the size of it. It sounds like MOB has decided on a huge party without any input from anyone else.

    Post # 7
    Member
    7075 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    The bridesmaids (including the MoH) and often the close female relatives or friends throw the showers around here. It’s frowned upon to have the Mother of the Bride host.

    Post # 8
    Member
    2684 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 1996

    As a bridesmaid I would definitely expect to participate in the throwing of a bridal shower. If it turned out a relative wanted to be the official host and didn’t want help, I wouldn’t be upset, and if they DID want help, I would be happy to provide it. Sometimes the bridal party will throw a “friends” shower and a relative will host a “family” shower.

    I think $50 for food and decorations as my contribution would be reasonable to me, but I also think that if the hostess wants everyone to contribute $$, everyone should get to plan the party together.

    I have never been to a bridal shower that had “prizes.” I wonder if that’s a regional thing.

    Post # 9
    Member
    1377 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    In my area, female relatives (usually sisters or aunts) will throw the party, and the BMs just help with set up or logistics. The MOB hosting is frowned upon. I find it rude that the MOB is demanding contributions without seeming ot consider the financial state of the people she is demanding money from. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    3223 posts
    Sugar bee

    If you are being expected to pay for it you should have had a say in what them menu you was so you could have selected items within your budget.

    No one gets to plan an event and you foot the bill.

    I would decline this hosting “honor”. 

     

    Post # 11
    Member
    1236 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA

    I may be in the minority here, but I think someone saying “Hi I’m hosting this party, you all need to bring $50 and 5 bottles of wine and a dozen cupcakes and some linen napkins and and and and” without actually consulting you about the planning is immensely tacky. Showers aren’t required, hosting one is voluntary, and participation should be a choice, not an expectation.

    I think you should feel free to decline if you want – participation, showing up, whatever. Your job as a bridesmaid is to show up at the wedding, hold the bouquet, and help the bride pee. Everything else is just sprinkles.

    Post # 12
    Member
    42472 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Where I live showers are not hosted by the MOB.

    Showers are hosted by friends are  relatives of the bride or groom, which may or may not include the bridal party. There is no expectation that the BM’s must host a shower.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1242 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2017

    RedWine13:  In my area it really depends. I’ve been to showers thrown and paid for by the MOB. I’ve been to showers thrown by the BMs but funded by the MOB and I’ve been to a LOT of showers hosted at a relatives or BMs house and mostly paid for by the BMs. $50 from each BM is actually a really reasonable amount.

    Post # 15
    Member
    5543 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: December 2011

    If I’m in the bridal party, I am prepared to help/plan parties. Generally it is considered poor etiquette for family members to host them, but that is changing. It is friends of brides “duty” and I would venture to guess the bridal party is the brides closet friends. 

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