Post # 1
My bridesmaids bought their dresses and are showing up. They did not plan a shower. They did not plan a bachelorette party. They have not expressed excitement about the day. They do not respond to messages about the wedding. I asked for help with flowers and got no response. I know they don’t have to do anything but show up, but still.
I am sure they will show up and it will be fun, but do I really have to give them gifts?
“I did it all without you, but thanks for showing up today!”
Post # 3
Maybe nice handwritten note and coffee giftcards. Ettiquette tells me you shouldn’t completely dismiss them.
Post # 4
@peachacid: wow no bachelorette party or shower?!?! what kind of girls are they.. im so sorry they did that to you. i would buy them some thing small eaqrrings? $5.00 max per girl. they should have done something for you at least the bachelorette party. if im not mistaken the shower is up to you Maid/Matron of Honor and mother/FMIL these girls might not know about weddings are any of them married?
Post # 5
- Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World
I would at least give them a card to thank them for standing up with you.
Post # 6
@peachacid: I think a card, with a small gift card. I mean, they did buy a dress for your wedding and will spending their entire day with you. So a thank you for those two things along is warranted I think 🙂
Post # 7
I agree with PP, a card and a small gift just to show appreciation for them showing up and standing with you. IMO, I definitely wouldn’t go all out or out of you way for them.
Post # 8
I was in the same boat with my Future Sister-In-Law – she was described as “Eeyore” by the rest of the girls for most of the planning. She wouldn’t hang out with me the night before the wedding (but hung over all the groomsmen), wouldn’t come to the bridesmaid breakfast (that I paid for), ordered hundreds of dollars of room service (charged to me) while we were getting ready, wouldn’t share the photos of her in her Bridesmaid or Best Man dress before the wedding (when she told me it didn’t fit), wouldn’t come to the bachelorette party, and didn’t help at the shower (plus she fought the guests for prizes in some of the games).
So, when it came time to gift, I had a hard time. She was rude to my family and the other girls, mean, and said hurtful things to me (she told me my wedding had “inconvenienced” her a few times). I ended up getting her the same gifts I got the other girls, and wrote a card that didnt’ specifically thank her, but expressed hope for a growing relationship in the future.
Post # 9
Hmm, they don’t seem to be doing anything more than what a regular guest would! Shame on them!
I’m with you, OP. If at most, a thanks for standing up there with me card is what I’d do.
Post # 10
Of course you get them a gift!!!! You’re not rewarding employees, you’re honoring your friends. If they show up dressed appropriately that’s all they’re supposed to do. If you needed help you should have asked your Fiance or hired someone. It’s really petty of you to give them a lesser gift because they didn’t do work for you.
Post # 11
I think a small gift, like others said, with a nice card thanking them and their general friendship.
Post # 12
Honestly, I would just stick to a cute card. I would say yes to gifts if not for your messages going unanswered. They’re not obligated to put together a shower or bachelorette party, but they are obligated to act like decent reliable friends. I personally can’t imagine a scenario where I would be compelled to ignore a message from a friend asking for help or advice about her wedding. If I did ignore those messages, I would feel like a jackass for it and would not expect a gift. As a PP said, they’re not doing anything more than any other guest, except for letting you have a say in what they wear. I think that warrants a nice card.
Post # 13
@peachacid: I’m sorry your bridesmaids aren’t responsive … That’s pretty shitty, since you’ve clearly asked for help and opinions and gotten absolutely nothing in return.
My bridesmaids and man of honor aren’t helping with anything or throwing me any parties/showers, but that’s because they all live far away (the closest is about 800 miles away). I didn’t expect them to help with anything when I asked them to be a part of the wedding, though they’ve at least been very responsive when I’ve asked for opinions on certain things. I can’t even imagine how crushed I would feel if my two best friends and cousin (who is more like a sister to me) didn’t seem remotely interested in any of it.
That being said, I’m planning to give them gifts … But my situation is a little different. If they all lived nearby and were just ignoring me and giving off the impression that they would almost prefer to just attend as a guest, I’d probably just write out a thank you card for agreeing to be part of the wedding and maybe a small gift if you’re feeling generous. I don’t necessarily think being a member of the wedding party means you’re required to do a bunch of stuff, but if you’ve specifically been asked to help with something, you should do it. I think that’s true in any situation really. If you’re friends with someone and they’ve asked you to help them out with something (and you can), you do it because that’s what friends do.
Post # 14
@peachacid: Now, now… It’s YOUR wedding. Your bridesmaids are not obligated to be excited or enthusiastic. Of course you want them to be, but you can’t huff and puff if they’re not. Same goes for the shower and bachelorette parties. I agree it is rude that you got no response about the flowers though.
Post # 15
I agree with everyone who said you should still get them something, even if it’s something small. If they had done more, it’d be appropriate to get the people who did extra things an extra gift for those specific things (for example, it’s always appropriate to give a gift to the hostess of your bridal shower immediately following the shower).
Post # 16
I honestly don’t understand when people say it’s no big deal that your bridesmaids aren’t excited about your wedding. Aren’t your bridesmaids your closest girls? Why wouldn’t your friends, sisters, whatever be excited and want to help and honor you? I mean, yeah, don’t expect them to quit their jobs and be your b*tches full-time, but I think it’s a totally realistic expectation for them to offer to help make decorations or whatever.
@peachacid: It is kind of a hassel to buy a dress you won’t ever wear again and get all done up. I am assumeing they will be helpful day-of, so I would at least write a nice thank you note and maybe give them a starbucks card or a bath & body works mini set. I’m sorry they weren’t better friends through the planning process. Try not to let it ruin your friendship or your day.