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I think if you can choose the right group of girls, then it's definitely worth it to have a team of ladies to help you out!
You know, if they are true friends then honestly things ought to work out in the end. That is why you/they are bridesmaids. I have a bridesmaid twice now and it has had its share of drama sometimes but you know, in the end it is worth it. I am having two bridesmaids and let me tell you, not having them comes with their own set of drama! I love my girls. I am glad of all we went through together.
Sometimes, yes =]. Ours worked out! But then again, 5 of the 6 bridesmaids and i all went to college together and my other bm is a childhood friend of mine. my college bridesmaids really truly included her and made her feel welcome, not excluded and uncomfortable which i was kind of worried about since they'd all never met her. For the weddings i'm in, there doesn't seem to be any drama. We all get along and act like adults and are friendly...granted, we are all really anti-drama in general. engineers are like that...=]. So i think if you choose wisely and they know what is expected fo them ahead of time u're ok!
That's a good question. I had a great experience with my BMs.
I think some of that, the bride needs to look at introspectively. If a bride isn't expecting much, she is more likely to be pleased with them. If she wants or needs a lot of help, there is a much greater chance they will let her down. So if you can set the bar low, that is pretty helpful.
I think if you choose wisely and don't have a lot of expectations of them, it can work out nicely.
I also don't have huge expectations, I picked my girls because their my favorite girls in the world, not because I want them to do things for me. My moh happens to live far away and she's been on vacation for the last 2 months, obviously she's not going to be helping. She wont even be able to plan the shower really, but I know she'll make sure it gets done and she'll be there for me on my big day. my other bridesmaid is local and says that she'll do whatever i want her to, and has offered to craft, make invitations, etc. I haven't taken her up on that, she works long hours so I don't expect her to spend her nights crafting with me, even though i've seen her do it for her other friends. but again, as long as their there on my wedding day, we'll be fine.
I think it's very special to have your best friends standing up with you on your wedding day. It will also bring y'all very close.
However, don't have high expectations for their help in planning, etc... Just be glad that they will be a phone call away if you need and will be next to you on one of the most important days of your life!
I had no expectations of bridesmaids beyond showing up and wearing the dress I picked for them. No shower, no errands, no chores. Just to be there supporting us as we were married. I loved loved having them be there with us - they are my closest friends and it was fabulous!! I highly recommend it :)
Personally, I had absolutely no drama with my BM. Granted, I didn't expect them to do too much, other than show up and have fun. I was really only looking to have my closest friends around on the wedding day, I didn't need to rely on them for extra help.
I think the most important thing is to be honest with the girls about your expectations for them. If you want them to contribute a lot of time/effort/money, be up front about it. That way, if they're not able to do what you're expecting, you can make other arrangements.
I agree with the other bees it is all about choosing the right people and not having super high expectations for them!
I could not imagine my day without my girls by my side and I could care less if they don't do anything to help me out before the wedding - they all live hours away from me but we talk on the phone all the time and they are my support system (other than Mr. M) and I cannot picture my day without them!
If you don't have people that you feel that way about - it might not be that worth it!
Thanks ladies - great suggestions! Sounds like the consensus is that if you
1) choose ladies that are true friends,
2) don't have too high expectations, and
3) communicate the commitment in advance
you'll be set to have a low drama BM experience.
After reading about all the BM drama on these boards I was a bit worried that asking my girlfriends to be bridesmaids might damage our relationship, it's nice to hear the other side sometimes.
As a past bride...and a past bridesmaid, I am honestly undecided on this point. I've been a good maid at times, and a bad maid at other times. I think that it all depends on who you pick and what you expect out of them. If you're asking for outrageous things, then get ready for trouble! And disappointment.
But if all that you really want is your closest friends to stand by your side the day of...I think that most people can pull that off.
My maids are always begging me to let them help...but since they live so far away, it's hard!
I think I'm lucky to be one of the last group of my HS and college friends to get married. The first from HS only picked one of our little group to be a BM, and it set a precedent that it was okay to not have all of us in the bridal party. Then my first college friend to get married didn't pick any of us! So I've never been offended by not being a BM, and when I finally picked my bridal party, none of my friends griped about it. Actually, everyone (in the party or not) has been really helpful and sympathetic to our situation.
Or maybe I have a really chill set of friends. =)
It is the quality, and not the quantity, of your bridesmaids that counts. You don't need to have an entourage. A small group of two or three girls who mean the most to you, and who you are confident will be there for you after the wedding, can be the best way to go if you are concerned about drama. Even choosing one maid-of-honor to stand by your side will give you that extra support and friendship you need at the altar as you say "I do" to your future husband. It is nice to have a small support system of friends you can turn to during your wedding planning and who will be with you as you get ready for your special day. I made the mistake of trying to find girls that represented all aspects of my life, choosing one family member, two from college and one from work. The friend from work ended up not being a true friend after all, and dropped out of the party. I was more concerned with numbers (I wanted 4 girls to match my man's 4 boys), and should have focused on friends who have stood the test of time.
And remember, brides are not going to come on to the boards and post about how great their bridesmaids are. Many brides use these boards to seek advice and support, so you're mainly going to hear about the stressful experiences and not about the many more good ones!
P.S. Many of us think of bridesmaids in the traditional sense, but if you're looking for a different, unconventional way to involve the girls in your life, you could try things like letting them all choose their own dresses (like Carrie Bradshaw in the SATC movie - all of her best friends wore what made them feel fabulous!), or having them participate in different ways. Instead of having them stand next to you at the church, one could give a reading, one could give a toast, and one could sing. There are a lot of ways to incorporate your friends in your big day without committing them to the bridesmaid role.
I agree with the bees that said choose wisely. I would advise you to take your time in selecting your wedding party and don't be concerned about having an even number. I think having one bridesmaid/maid of honor is more than enough. Also, don't rule out close male friends or male family members.
there's nothing like being surrounded by your best friends. that said, i think labeling one bm vs. another raises all sorts of issues and expectations. how about involving each as appropriate - there are some who will bend over backwards to be part of your day, no matter what their title may/not be. others will want nothing to do with it - not that they're not happy for you, just that they don't want to deal with the official duties. keep it flexible.. have them play different roles without calling one a bm or not.
I really am not relying on my bridesmaids much for help. Not because they wouldn't, but just because I feel weird putting so much work on somebody else.
Plus, I'm a control freak. :p
I wouldn't want to not have them though. I love them, and they're such a sweet, loving, and fun support net.
I have to admit the thought has ran through my head earlier on when planning. But after having a few rough patches at the begininng, they have been fabulous!! My shower was amazing, and my bachlorette was better than I could have dreamed, and they all worked hard on everything for me. It's also nice to have people there to help you plan, and de-stress with. As long as they are true friends you will not regret it!
In my experience the smaller your party the better (I have 4 all together). Don't go in with extremely high expectations and pick people you're really close to who will make you laugh!
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I hear so many rants on here about bridesmaids that I wonder if it's worth it to bother with wedding parties at all? It sounds like it's all a lot of stress and drama and like some ladies don't even stay friends afterwards.
From your experience (both as a bride and as a 'maid) is it worth it to have a wedding party or would you save a lot of time and stress by skipping out on the bridesmaids?