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just ignore what she says...basically smile and nod when she makes one of these comments. if it gets worse, i would confront her, but that could be risky as she might blow up at you. stay on the high road!
How irritating. Honestly, I'd just stop asking her opinion or including her on anything, then just tell her where to get her dress from when the time comes. Sounds like she's insecure, and I'm sorry you're having to deal with her problems.
Stop showing her things. She will never have anything positive or constructive to say to you.
I must say that the hardest thing about wedding planning is the people around you. All you can do is take it with a grain of salt and count the days down! Just say to yourself one more month, one more week, one more day. I know that sounds stupid but you'll drive yourself crazy reading into every last comment she makes and it will take away your fun that you're having. So keep your wedding plans to yourself, share with your FI.
I would un-bridesmaid her. Seriously. If she isn't with you, then she is against you, in my opinion. Watch her scowl and act all pissy during the ceremony. Grr.
@Wannabe-diy-bride: holy effing crap. this is MY story. lol. to a tee. 6 bridesmaids, and number 6 is FI's best friend's gf, who wouldn't be in it if we didn't spend so much time together as a couple, and who is insanely jealous and keeps making anything wedding related a sobfest because she isn't engaged. in fact, minutes after we told them, she was complaining about how she wasn't engaged and grabbing all the attention. can i be Vice President of this support group?
i should add one thing- haven't officially asked wedding party, but she assumes she is in it and Mr. Meowerson wants her in it, etc. This is probably the element of my wedding i am dreading the most.
@samara11278: it isn't that easy though, even though that is tempting as hell, because of the relationship the guys have.
Eh, I would tell my fiance's best man that you guys love them, but just can't have her in the wedding for X reason. My fiance's best man is really level-headed though. I guess you may not be so lucky. :(
what would X reason be? i want an out! lol
also, at least in my case, she considers us much better friends than i do. is that the same with your case, OP?
We love you guys, but I just can't have her be a bridesmaid because...
-she's bringing me down
-I'm worried she will be sad at the wedding and in all of the pictures because she isn't getting married yet
-she is getting on my nerves
Lol. :P
I would actually ask her honestly if she really wants to be in your wedding, and give her an out. I have to ask, is this person REALLY your friend? I mean, is this a person you would call if you ever had to be bailed out of jail? Is this someone who would bring you chicken soup when your sick, or rush to your side if you lost someone in your life? Do you have a mutual love and respect for this person? If the answer to any of these questions is no, then why do you want them to stand beside you on the most important day of your life? I do sort of feel bad for her, obviously she wants what you have and she can't be happy in an ongoing relationship that isn't giving her the result she really wants. Like I said, sit her down, in person-not on facebook, and ask her if she really wants to be in the wedding and if she doesn't, graciously let her out.
If you have someone that you are better friends with that you can ask to be a bridesmaid, there is your out. If they really pressure you, tell your FI and his best man that "Becky" has been s**tting on your wedding from day one and that you don't want her jealousy and negativity ruining your day. End of discussion.
I agree with Emerald and Sandy. Don't let her ruin your day for you or stress you out. It is YOUR day.
(like "I saw you messaged us but I dont even read them anymore because they're annoying"). wow.........she does not deserve to be a bridesmaid!!!! If you feel you need to keep her as one, I would not show her anything, ask her opinion on anything.....nothing. Like a previous poster said, just tell her what dress she needs to purchase and where she needs to go to purchase it. If she has an issue with that.....then it's the perfect opportunity to give her an out.
Maybe I'm a pessamist but I think some of the bridal party members will care more, be more excited, be less jealous, etc than others. Don't show her things...show them to the people that seem really excited for you. I have some friends who I think care about me and love me but just don't care what my invitations looks like.
@Ms. Meowerson: YES, same story!!! Yours is a complete mirror!! Atleast you haven't asked yours yet...I would wait as long as you can and really htink about it. I wish I would have waited longer so I could possibly have some excuse not to have her in my wedding. Maybe you have another friend or family member you could have instead? I actually wanted DF to choose 5 groomsmen just so she couldn't be in it, but he chose 6...and all my back-ups for #6 position live so far away that it made more sense to have Becky.
Also, yes, she considers us much better friends that I consider her. A few months ago my ACTUAL "best friend" came to visit, and it was like Becky had to compete with her about what she knew about me and stuff! My BFF was like, "What the heck? Who is this chick?"
@Wannabe-diy-bride: is this the same girl lol???my becky is super jealous too and rather sensitive, and i dont want this to affect Mr. Meowerson and Mr. Becky's friendship. is it bad that part of me just wishes they'd break up? lol
Well, no wonder her BF hasn't proposed yet. (I'm sorry, was that too mean?)
I would go the route of not discussing wedding stuff with her. Maybe you can communicate stuff to your MOH and she can relay it to the rest of the girls. And if/ when she does get married- say no to being a bridesmaid!!
@Wannabe-diy-bride: i'm glad i found someone else in the exact same creepy boat. please feel free to vent to me any time about this. i understand.
Ok. Its absolutely fine fo her not to be as excited as you are but it's not ok for her to be rude to you. She may have said yes for the same reason you asked her ....because of the relationship between her boyfiend and your fiance. I wouldn't be walking on eggshells around this girl. Talk to her. She's probably looking for a way out. Give her one.
@mascott25: I'd generally agree with you based on just the info -- that she seems to be looking for a way out, but I know this girl thinks that she's one of my best friends! She would be devestated. However, next time she says something with a twinge of nastiness in it I'm going to call her out on it and say that if she would rather not be involved that's fine.
@arclee: YES no wonder he hasn't proposed!! We know exactly why...there's a million reasons for him NOT to.
@Ms. Meowerson: Me and my fiance just discussed last week what would happen if they broke up...we both feel he'd be better off. But we both agree he will not ever do it. And yes I just might be venting to you in the future!! Let's hope not...but my guess is we'll both need it!
agree ignore her. ask her less, turn to your other maids more. and just kill her with kindness. that's about all you can do.
she sounds like a cow though...
I would just stop asking her opinion on stuff and send the facebook messages to all the others, but not her. She has nothing nice to say anyways.
If she confronts you as to why you are not including her in stuff anymore, just throw her exact words back in her face, as an example "Oh, I was just doing you a favor since you said that the messages were so annoying"
Ask the opinion of the other bridesmaids for future wedding stuff! I mean for heaven sakes you have 5 others, they have got to be better than this one.
I'd confront her. If calling her makes you uncomfortable, send her a short and sweet note.
Becky,
Lately, I'm really uncomfortable talking to you about my wedding. Comments you've made about my ring or projects I'm working on have sounded really passive aggressive, and I'm starting to feel like you are angry at me for getting married before you. When you told me that my invitations didn't matter because 'everyone throws them away anyway,' I was really hurt because I would hope you would support me during this exciting time!
As I value your friendship, I wanted to face this head on, rather than waiting for it all to come to a head.
You need to let me know if I'm off-base here, because it's really worrying me. I don't want to get married thinking that one of my bridesmaids is being passive-aggressive, but I also don't want this to ruin our friendship.
Is there a time we could get together and talk?
From how you described her, I'm not surprised that her guy won't propose. I bet they never get engaged.
If I was in your situation, I wouldn't talk about the wedding to her at all, ever. I would tell her only "need to know" things.
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One of my six bridesmaids is the girlfriend of the best man in our wedding. She's honestly someone I probably wouldn't be close friends with on my own, but she ended up being a "close" friend because we spend so much time with them as a couple -- and she and I work at the same office building so we meet up for lunches here and there. I'm going to just call her Becky (although not her real name).
Becky and her bf have been together longer than my FI and I -- yet they are not engaged yet. She's pressuring him to get engaged. She flat out told me (before we were engaged) that she would be pissed if we got engaged/married before she did.
Alas, we go engaged last summer. Still no ring on Becky's finger. She pretends to be happy for us and seems to want to be included in things with my wedding, but then she'll snarl about something and it makes me remember that she's RAGING jealous of us.
Examples:
1) She comments all the time about how big her engagement ring WILL be. She's totally a one-upper type of person and I know that IF her ring is bigger than mine, she'll try to bring that up all the time. I don't care, I love my ring, but it's just annoying.
2) All of my DIY projects, I show her just out of wanting someone to show them to! She always compliments them in a back-handed way...like, "Ohhh, pretty! God I hate creative people. How long did THIS one take you? I would never spend that much time on something like this..."
3) I showed her my invitation mock-up that I'm oh-so-proud of. She looked at it and said that it's overkill. Then she amended that after I told her that 90% of my guests NEED a map b/c they aren't from the area. Then I proceeded to ask her opinion on the papers used for the inserts -- she said, "Oh like it f***ing matters anyway, everyone just throws invitations away!"
4) I've been going back and forth on bridesmaid dresses with all of my girls, via Facebook. Every time I send a message asking their opinions on something, Becky will make an in-person comment to me (like "I saw you messaged us but I dont even read them anymore because they're annoying"). all my other bridesmaids seem to be happy that I'm including them on decisions.
She's driving me crazy! I vented all of this to my sister, who's my matron of honor and she got really upset about it. I don't want there to be drama on my wedding day between bridesmaids, but if there is, it'll be because my sister is defending me! :)
I don't want to even talk to her about wedding stuff...but she's one of my BRIDESMAIDS! I feel like every time I bring up anything wedding-related to her she has some covertly-nasty comment. It's not nasty-straight-up, it's just got this underlining tone to it that makes me know that she's not impressed that I'm being married before her.
Oh, but the minute she gets engaged she wants me to be her wedding planner....