(Closed) bridesmaid’s mom has cancer

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Hostess
18646 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m so sorry.  I don’t really have any advice except maybe you should just let her out without even asking her.

Post # 4
Member
66 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I think the only person who know’s whether or not your friend still wants to be your BM is your friend.  You might just want to tell her directly that  you love her to pieces and want her to be in your wedding, but that you would forgive her in a heartbeat if she feels like she wants to prioritize her Mom right now.  Incidentally, being in your wedding might be a happy distraction for her – you could always say that she can be a part of it indefinitely and if things change to let you know. She’s lucky to have such a supportive gf!

Post # 5
Member
62 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I second ashleyleah. Dropping her without explanation is, at the very least, rude, and could ruin your friendship. Now is a time when SHE needs YOU. If you are expecting your bm’s to do a lot of tasks for you, or have a lot of expectations on them, she may be grateful to duck out of your party. But, it’s up to her! I hope you have already been there for her just as a friend (meaning not in bride-mode). Neutrally talk to her about this. Since you are (most likely) the one who asked her to be in your wedding, and since you mention she has trouble asking for help, it seems like the best course of action is for you to go to her (in person, if possible) and let her know what you’re thinking — namely, that you still would love to have her in your party, but that you’re totally understanding if she needs to scale back or drop out. If she seems like she wants to drop out but also doesn’t want to disappoint you, maybe there’s another role she could have — something not so involved? And, like ashleyleah mentioned, leave open to her that she can change her mind.

 

Post # 6
Member
523 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

My mom has breast cancer and wedding planning is a great distraction for both of us. Of course your and your friend are in a different situation, but it probably is something positive that she can look forward to. It sounds like you are being sensitive and supportive of her situation, so that’s great. I think AshleyLeah gave great advice if you do feel like you need to talk to her regarding being in the bridal party. Your BM is lucky to have your friendship. Good luck!

Post # 7
Member
1765 posts
Buzzing bee

If your wedding is not until next January-it looks like you (and she) have plenty of time.  I wouldn’t rush things-just see how things go for a while???

Post # 8
Member
1763 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

O agree with Rlsulli, your wedding so far away, right now I would focus on supporting her through this difficult time. Who knows how her mom will be doing later in the year.

Post # 9
Member
3762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Just give her the option, say “I know you have a lot going on right now, and if at any point being a bridesmaid becomes too much, I hope you are comfortable to let me know”. 

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