Bridesmaids won't get anything I suggest?

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
1465 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Birdiebaby4:  I don’t think your BMs not taking your suggestions is that big of deal, since they are in fact suggestions not demands. However, your one BM that’s telling you and your BMs certain things that aren’t true, demanding you use her salon, etc is TOTALLY CROSSING THE LINE and you need to nip that in the bud ASAP (if possible). This is your wedding, if you guys want it a certain way or don’t want to pay ridiculous prices for hair then DON’T! Go the stylist/salon that you originally wanted and invite your other BMs to go as well if it’ll be cheaper for them. 

Post # 3
373 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I don’t think you are ridiculous or a bridezilla, but I think what your BM’s wear as accessories doesn’t really matter. Other people keep asking you about shoes & jewelry (your FMIL, your BMs), and then when you make a decision, they ignore it or drag their feet. That has to be frustrating. No one will notice what the BMs are wearing as accessories unless they are really strange, so just forget about them. You said what you wanted. I think the situation with the hairdresser is crazy. Are you getting your hair done somewhere else that same morning? Could you go hang out with the BMs while they get their hair done? 

Post # 4
721 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Girl, that one chic sounds like a very pushy bridesmaid. IMO.

Provide them with jewelry? What? I’ve never heard of this. Also, demanding you use her salon and you put money from your paycheck away for it? That is bananas. You are the bride, if you are more comfortable with your stylist, that’s who you go to.

You are not being a bridezilla at all. But it does sound like you have a bridesmaidzilla on the loose.

Post # 6
59 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Birdiebaby4:  I see that we are both very alike. I’ve let my bridesmaids choose a lot of the things the want (dress, shoes, jewelry, etc) However, my bridesmaids knew what I kinda had in mind and completely went with it! HOWEVER, when it comes to their hair I have one bridesmaid wanting to do her hair EXACTLY like mine and I don’t know how to say no. 


But you definitely have to step up. This is YOUR big day not theirs. You should be with your girls on your wedding morning. If the other girls don’t want to spend that much have them come over with you! Good luck!

Post # 7
49 posts
  • Wedding: October 2014


I agree with others that you need to step up to this bridesmaid.  She is deliberately manipulating the other bridesmaids by telling them to wear whatever jewelry they want while trying to manipulate you through various means – the shower costs, buying her jewelry, and insisting on her salon.  This is your wedding, and you need to take back control from her.  I don’t know what your relationship is like, but it sounds to me like she is trying to capitalize on your lack of familiarity with proper wedding protocol.


For my bridesmaids, I chose a dress that suited them all and purchased it for them.  I asked them for a certain color of shoe and jewelry, but asked them to choose and purchase for themselves.  I would like them to look like individuals.  You don’t need everybody to match. 

But, you do need to shut down people who try to control you.  Good luck, and keep us posted!

Post # 8
1608 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

You don’t have to buy them their accessories! For my wedding I told my bridesmaids to wear jewelery if they wanted…or don’t if they didn’t want to. I think you need to step up and start telling your bridesmaids what YOU want. It wouldn’t be ‘bridezilla-ish’ to ask that they have the same style of shoe, or that you want to have your hair done with them on the morning of your wedding! Stop taking their suggestions so much and do what you want 🙂

Post # 9
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I’m a little confused by your post…it seems like you don’t want to buy them jewelry but at the same time you want them to all wear pearls ?  And one bridesmaid has jewelry she wants to wear but you don’t want her to wear it?  It’s just a little confusing.  If you are trying to get them to all wear pearls, you need to buy them. 


Let them wear whatever jewelry they want to wear.  No one will notice or care about the bridesmaids jewelry.  Or shoes.

Post # 10
6667 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

If you want them to wear matching jewelry you need to buy it. But you can just let them wear what they want and avoid the cost. I would not have let a bridesmaid dictate where I was getting my hair done. Pick your battles, but stick to them!

Post # 11
7286 posts
Busy Beekeeper

If a bride wants her BM’s to wear certain jewellery then she should buy it. Same thing for shoes. Otherwise just let them wear things they already own.

I really do not think that you can blame your BM for the hair and make up. You, as an adult, made the choice to go with her suggestion. Own your choice. You should have checked with the vendor (and asked for a contract) for the prices and what that included. Or you should have been an adult and thanked your BM for her suggestion but booked who you wanted. 

I really hate when people try to blame others for their choices.

Post # 13
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I’m still confused about the jewelry?

Post # 14
2283 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Birdiebaby4: I think you’re in the wrong about the jewelry. You definitely don’t have to buy it for them, but if you don’t then you don’t really get to tell them what kind of jewelry to wear. I would let the BM wear her jewelry, if anyone gets competitive over a necklace then that is just ridiculous. No use getting worked up over that. 

As for the hair salon, I do agree with PP that you do have some fault in the situation. You should have asked the stylists how much the hair was when you booked the appointment, not relied on the word of a third party, but what’s done is done. 

Post # 15
7286 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Birdiebaby4:  Well now you know. You should always get a contract with things like this. Otherwise the vendor can change their prices anytime they like.

Still don’t see why this is the BM’s fault. You made the choice.

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