Bridesmaids won't help my MOH

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
7281 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

So many wedding customs are local. In my area, all maids (including MOH) traditionally split the shower costs. BUT the last wedding I was in didn’t work like that. None of the other maids were willing to contribute anything for the shower. I took it upon myself to do it all because I wanted the bride to have that experience. I will say that the bride will NEVER know that I did it all myself. It’s not her problem or her business. IMO, it’s in poor form for your MOH to be sharing these troubles with you. If the other maids are not willing to contribute, it’s up to your MOH to figure out what she can handle without them and plan accordingly. You, as the bride, should not be involved with throwing a party for yourself. If you are stressed about ypur MOH spending the money, you can always graciously decline the shower.

Post # 3
Member
7404 posts
Busy Beekeeper

It is customary to split the costs of a shower between maids if they want to be involved. It is not customary to send them an email telling them they owe x amount fo money for a shower they have not agreed to be a part of.

A shower is a gift given to the bride, not a right. The person organising the shower bares the burden of it’s costs unless someone else offers to help.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by  j_jaye.
Post # 4
Member
38 posts
Newbee

With all bridal showers- or even just parties- that I have helped organized I have sat down with the other respective parties and asked what budget they are comfortable with and ideas they may have. All of this was done before the planning process began.

Being told you have to pay ‘x’ amount would not sit well with me. Even if it was just $25. Although as you say that the other bridesmaids did not respond to emails you can’t just go ahead and plan everything and then expect payment.

As stated above- if you see it a huge stress on your sister you can gracefully decline the shower.

Post # 5
Member
2203 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

It’s more likely for the MOB to pay for the shower where I live.

That said, many of the tasks or smaller parts are farmed out to the BMs.  I would be irked if I was told “bring this.”  It works a lot nicer if someone says this is what thr bride would probably like, here’s what it will take from each of us, is this possible?  And go from there.

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