- 5 years ago
- Wedding: July 2013
I’d really like some honest advice from you girls. Here’s the situation:
I got engaged last April to the man of my dreams, and shortly after asked my 6 bridesmaids to be in my wedding. I have two MOH’s, both sisters of my fiance. We have been together for almost 10 years, and I’ve really grown close to his sisters over the years. One sister, one year older than us, is also in a long term relationship with a guy, and we all assumed that they would be married first. Due to career/life changes that they’ve encountered, they have not yet become engaged. Before my fiance and I got engaged, she and I would go out for coffee or hang out in other ways, and we’ve talked about weddings for years.
When my fiance and I got engaged, she seemed excited for us! We would go running or out for coffee and discuss every detail. She would always pressure me to make decisions I was not ready to make and then when i expressed uncertainty she would blurt out what she wants in her wedding, almost like she was staking a claim on an idea that I was now in theory not allowed to use (kind of a whole other story in itself.)
I am super detail oriented, and am definately the type A planning kind of person. I’m super sentimental and detail oriented and put a lot of thought into all that I do. About a week after I got engaged, she told me that I was allowed to be involved in the shower details, but that the bachelorette party was all a secret. I thought that sounded like a good plan. In no way, shape, or form do I want to throw my own shower, but if I can have an excuse to hang out with all the girls glueing centerpieces or licking envelopes and laughing, I’m in.
Suddenly, around June of last year, she became very secretive about a lot of things. She informed me that I was not allowed to make the picture slideshow at my wedding (the kind which has pictures of my fiance and I growing up, etc.), that she would be doing that as a suprise for me. She also told me that I’m not allwoed to know anythign about my shower at all. It kind of made me a little upset, and I let her know that I dont appreciate suprises as much as she does, and I would like to make the slideshow, and if the girls would allow me I’d love to help them with the shower. A few days later I got a facebook message from her informing me that she and the girls talked, and “we all agreed that you can plan your own shower and we will make little additions”. I explained to her that I thought she misunderstood, and tried to re-explain that taking over wasn’t, I just wanted to enjoy the planning with them. She let me know that she was too busy to think about it right now.
I guess I just dont understand what is going on? Was she that offended by my desire to be involved? The slideshow thing is just very sentimental to me, and I’d like to sit down my fiance and reminisce and tell childhood stories as we do it together, its not that I don’t trust her taste. Part of me wonders if she isn’t a little bit jealous since she feels its supposed to be “her time” now. I’m afraid that by letting her just do it to avoid an argument, it’ll end up centered around her tastes, not mine.
What do I do? What should I say? I really don’t feel right planning my own shower (although that seems like the easiest solution, its just not within the spirit of the whole thing?) I would feel bad assigning a different bridesmaid to the task since she and her sister are the MOH’s? The other sister is super busy with life right now, and I didn’t expect her to be able to contribute much from the beginning.
Sorry for the length of the post, theres still so much more backstory I could include to help it make more sense, but it would take, well, 10 years.