Post # 1
So, one of my bridesmaids (and fiance’s sister) is bringing a friend to our wedding. I gave her a guest as a courtsey. No one else on the guest list got a plus one, unless they had been dating for a year or were living together/engaged/etc. She had a bf for a bit, so I figured she would bring him or no one, esp. since she will obviously know a ton of people at the wedding (and will be tied up with rehearsal type stuff and BM duties. Apparently I expected to much.
Well, I am shocked that she would think it is okay to bring a random girlfriend to our wedding. I was going to seat all the immediate family together, and now I have a random girl to deal with. Our rehearsal dinner was going to be small (wedding party and parents/siblings)…but now I have a random friend. I just don’t know what she plans to do with this random girl all weekend when we are doing bridesmaid things, etc.
Also, I know this girl has a crush on several of fiance’s colleagues. I think she sees this as a fun party to come hook up with a bunch of single guys…which of course is even more annoying….
For background, our wedding is across the country, so involves a lot of money (hotel rooms, plane tickets, etc).
What do I do? Just suck it up and let this random girl crash our wedding? I feel like I have to…I don’t want to destroy everything by putting up a fuss. But I also don’t think I should be obligated to invite a random girl to the rehearsal dinner, etc…
Post # 3
@NavyBride2013: I can see why it would be frustrating, you just want the people you love at those dinners and things
I don’t think she is trying to crash your wedding. Likely your sister being newly single thought it might be nice to bring a friend if most of the other bm are in long term relationships just so she not the only single girl (that can be hard)
She might crush on a few guys but i would hope she is mature enough not to crush in a clear way i doubt she wants to hook up at your wedding she likely is close with your sister and likes the idea of having a fun trip together.
You may not even notice her at the wedding her self, if you feel like you are really worried about her being there for the more small evens prior to the wedding maybe she can chill by the pool or find something intreresting to do and just attentend the wedding it self
I would try and not worry to much talk to ur sister maybe
being i have been moh and was single with no guest and everyoen else was coupled off i did feel rather unconfy, if she is shy maybe its a moral support thing
Post # 4
IMHO, if you invite someone with a guest or +1 and don’t specificially name someone on the invitation (i.e. her BF), then you cannot dictate who she invites to be her guest.
Sorry if that came out harsh… but if you say something, I imagine it will lead to lasting issues/hurt feelings, so it’s probably not worth it in the long run.
Post # 5
- Wedding: February 2014 - Kentucky Center for the Performing Arts
I think since she is a BM she does get a +1, even if you do not know that person. I am doing the same, all my bridal party folks get a +1 but at this time the guests do not. I agree with PP that she might just want a friend to accompany her because she no longer has a significant other. It kind of sounds like you expected her to bring her boyfriend…so your budget already included a +1 for your sister.
Post # 6
She’s a bridesmaid (and a sister!) so she gets a +1 and that person can be anyone she pleases. What that friend does during the BM duties is up to her to figure out, not you.
You were planning on paying for this plate anyway so it’s not a big deal. Don’t make a fuss, it’s not worth it and besides, you invited her with a +1, it’s her prerogative who she invites.
Who knows, she might actually be a blast to have around!
Post # 7
I can understand being upset if someone you aren’t close with is bringing a random guest but this is your SIL and BM. She’s probably doing a lot for you. Why can’t she bring a friend?
Post # 8
Yea, she definitely gets whatever plus one she wants for your wedding, but that doesn’t mean you need to include her friend in the rehearsal dinner etc.
Post # 9
I don’t see a problem. The gf comes and gets similar treatment that the bf would have gotten if he came. The gf doesnt go to bridal party activities and sits wherever the bf would have. Seems like maybe you find the sister/bridesmaid a little irritating?
We’re letting one or two of FI’s brothers/groomsmen bring a friend if they want to and space permits. Sometimes ppl want a wingman/girl to have a better time, especially on a trip.
Post # 10
Did you extend a true +1? Or did you name her SO on the invite? When you extend a +1 you are telling your guest that they can bring whoever they want.
Post # 11
I don’t get the big deal. Did you put her BF on the invitation? If so, then you can say the invite was meant for him. If not, then I think it would be rude to rescind the +1 offer.
If the friend is willing to travel cross county to attend, she must be a pretty good friend and not a stranger.
Post # 12
@NavyBride2013: Try not to be upset about this. It’s just one person, and this is your future sister in law we’re talking about. She’s a BM and has probably put out a bit of money for to be involved in your wedding in that capacity. It’s not going to kill you to have her friend attend, especially if it makes your SIL happy and excited and comfortable at the event. I wouldn’t make a big deal out of this — it’s not worth potentially damaging your relationship with her.
Maybe she does just see it as an opportunity to party, or maybe there’s something else going on. You don’t know what’s going on in her head. Sometimes it can really suck to attend a wedding alone, and if bringing her friend makes her happy, then let it slide. If you were willing to pay for her now-ex to come, then paying for the friend really makes no difference in the end.
That being said, there’s no reason to include the friend in your rehearsal dinner.
Post # 13
she gets a plus one as a BM and as your sister. Not to mention your wedding is across the country so I could see where it might be a better set up for her to have a travel buddy and someone to be with when everyone else is coupled off. A wedding can be a tough thing for a single person sometimes and it can help to have someone there to hang with so you don’t feel like a lonerthird wheel. Even when family is there it’s just nice to have someone specifically there with you. Let it go. The girl isn’t crashing your wedding and you can’t dictate who the plus one is going to be unless you specify a name of a spouse. If you extended a general +1 to this BM, she can invite who she wants.
Post # 14
Thanks everyone for the honest input. I guess I probably over reacted. I think it’s mainly because I’m annoyed by this friend. the same girl had flown across the country before to spend the weekend with some guys who live where the wedding is, and is more or less obsessed with them. One of the guys was complaining to me that this girls “sexts” him everyday. The friend and SIL are also spending the week before the wedding with me and the fiancé at our apt, so she will be around a lot. I can get over the wedding date; that’s not that big a deal.
I would love more advice re: smaller events. Like do I have to invite her to the rehearsal? I have a really small wedding party, so I already only have one friend coming. It’s going to be very intimate, and I just think it will be awkward for her to be there. Do I have to give her a seat in the wedding party limo? Probably. And I’m sure SIL will bring her to my bachelorette night before the wedding. I know I probably have to invite her to all this stuff. I am just annoyed and think it was tacky.
Post # 15
@NavyBride2013: If she is flying in, then yes, you have to invite her to the rehearsal. If other members of your bridal party have partners that will be riding the party limo, then she should get a seat too.
But besides that, you do not need to invite her to parties (like showers or your bachelorette).
Post # 16
@PrincessBride27: +1 – You can’t give someone a +1 with strings attached.
My Maid of Honor brought a friend as her date and I didn’t think twice about it. If that is who she wanted to bring to hang out and dance with for the night, so be it!