Bridesmaid/sister bringing a friend as a date

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1102 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@NavyBride2013:  I can see why it would be frustrating, you just want the people you love at those dinners and things 

 

I don’t think she is trying to crash your wedding. Likely your sister being newly single thought it might be nice to bring a friend if most of the other bm are in long term relationships just so she not the only single girl (that can be hard) 

 

She might crush on a few guys but i would hope she is mature enough not to crush in a clear way i doubt she wants to hook up at your wedding she likely is close with your sister and likes the idea of having a fun trip together.

You may not even notice her at the wedding her self, if you feel like you are really worried about her being there for the more  small evens prior to the wedding maybe she can chill by the pool or find something intreresting to do and just attentend the wedding it self 

 

I would try and not worry to much talk to ur sister maybe

 

being i have been moh and was single with no guest and everyoen else was coupled off i did feel rather unconfy, if she is shy maybe its a moral support thing 

Post # 4
Member
550 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

IMHO, if you invite someone with a guest or +1 and don’t specificially name someone on the invitation (i.e. her BF), then you cannot dictate who she invites to be her guest.

Sorry if that came out harsh… but if you say something, I imagine it will lead to lasting issues/hurt feelings, so it’s probably not worth it in the long run.

Post # 5
Member
1237 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014 - Kentucky Center for the Performing Arts

I think since she is a BM she does get a +1, even if you do not know that person. I am doing the same, all my bridal party folks get a +1 but at this time the guests do not. I agree with PP that she might just want a friend to accompany her because she no longer has a significant other. It kind of sounds like you expected her to bring her boyfriend…so your budget already included a +1 for your sister.

Post # 6
Member
3637 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

She’s a bridesmaid (and a sister!) so she gets a +1 and that person can be anyone she pleases. What that friend does during the BM duties is up to her to figure out, not you. 

You were planning on paying for this plate anyway so it’s not a big deal. Don’t make a fuss, it’s not worth it and besides, you invited her with a +1, it’s her prerogative who she invites. 

Who knows, she might actually be a blast to have around!

Post # 7
Hostess
7630 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

@Everdeen:  This.

I can understand being upset if someone you aren’t close with is bringing a random guest but this is your SIL and BM. She’s probably doing a lot for you. Why can’t she bring a friend? 

 

Post # 8
Member
2878 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Yea, she definitely gets whatever plus one she wants for your wedding, but that doesn’t mean you need to include her friend in the rehearsal dinner etc.

Post # 9
Member
1769 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I don’t see a problem. The gf comes and gets similar treatment that the bf would have gotten if he came. The gf doesnt go to bridal party activities and sits wherever the bf would have. Seems like maybe you find the sister/bridesmaid a little irritating?

We’re letting one or two of FI’s brothers/groomsmen bring a friend if they want to and space permits. Sometimes ppl want a wingman/girl to have a better time, especially on a trip. 

Post # 10
Member
6510 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Did you extend a true +1? Or did you name her SO on the invite? When you extend a +1 you are telling your guest that they can bring whoever they want.

Post # 11
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I don’t get the big deal.  Did you put her BF on the invitation?  If so, then you can say the invite was meant for him.  If not, then I think it would be rude to rescind the +1 offer. 

If the friend is willing to travel cross county to attend, she must be a pretty good friend and not a stranger. 

Post # 12
Member
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@NavyBride2013:  Try not to be upset about this.  It’s just one person, and this is your future sister in law we’re talking about.  She’s a BM and has probably put out a bit of money for to be involved in your wedding in that capacity.  It’s not going to kill you to have her friend attend, especially if it makes your SIL happy and excited and comfortable at the event.  I wouldn’t make a big deal out of this — it’s not worth potentially damaging your relationship with her.

Maybe she does just see it as an opportunity to party, or maybe there’s something else going on.  You don’t know what’s going on in her head.  Sometimes it can really suck to attend a wedding alone, and if bringing her friend makes her happy, then let it slide.  If you were willing to pay for her now-ex to come, then paying for the friend really makes no difference in the end.

That being said, there’s no reason to include the friend in your rehearsal dinner.

Post # 13
Member
5966 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

she gets a plus one as a BM and as your sister. Not to mention your wedding is across the country so I could see where it might be a better set up for her to have a travel buddy and someone  to be with when everyone else is coupled off. A wedding can be a tough thing for a single person sometimes and it can help to have someone there to hang with so you don’t feel like a lonerthird wheel. Even when family is there it’s just nice to have someone specifically there with you. Let it go. The girl isn’t crashing your wedding and you can’t dictate who the plus one is going to be unless you specify a name of a spouse. If you extended a general +1 to this BM, she can invite who she wants.

Post # 15
Member
2454 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@NavyBride2013:  If she is flying in, then yes, you have to invite her to the rehearsal. If other members of your bridal party have partners that will be riding the party limo, then she should get a seat too. 

But besides that, you do not need to invite her to parties (like showers or your bachelorette). 

Post # 16
Member
1302 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@PrincessBride27:  +1 – You can’t give someone a +1 with strings attached.

My Maid of Honor brought a friend as her date and I didn’t think twice about it. If that is who she wanted to bring to hang out and dance with for the night, so be it!

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