- 7 years ago
- Wedding: October 2010
So I really do have the greatest set of girls as my bridesmaids for my wedding, I hand picked them because they have been there for me in different stages of my life and continue to be there for me. But sometimes I just don’t understand them. Here’s a couple of issues.
One of my bridesmaids is a friend from High School who I actually lost touch with for 5 years. We were really good friends in school and when I had my daughter at 16 she was there for me, and when she had troubles with her parents, I was there for her. I was very much a healthy friendship. This spring she got back in touch with me through facebook and I was so happy to hear from her, and I asked her to be a bridesmaid. For a while I didn’t know anything was wrong, but apparently her boyfriend of 10 years (I introduced them, ugh!) is very overbearing and controlling. He doesn’t let her do anything with anyone but he can go and do whatever he wants whenever he wants. They only have one car which is a stick shift that she can’t drive and they also have a 1 year old, so she can’t escape ever, she has to rely on him for everything. So when things like the bachelorette party were brought up months ago, he just flat told her NO. Well eventually she told me that he would let her go, she just couldn’t stay anywhere overnight. I could deal with that. Over the summer I have had just a few dates that I wanted to get the bridesmaids together; when I went to put down the deposit for the ceremony venue so they could see it, a group gathering to discuss the wedding and DIY stuff, the bridal shower, a wedding party cookout, a tour of the reception venue, my daughter’s birthday party (not wedding related) and the bachelorette party. Of all these, she has only made it to ONE thing. Granted, none of these were required by any means, but I like to keep everyone involved and informed and it helps with ideas. The one thing she did make it to was the wedding party cookout, which I was very grateful for, but her boyfriend came and I felt bad because no one got a very good impression of him because he didn’t talk to anyone. I didn’t talk to him much because I am internally screaming at him for treating her the way he has. Some of these things she had to work, which I understand, but a few of them she said that she would come and then would back out VERY last minute, like within an hour of the event. I know I picked her as a bridesmaid for a reason, but I want to know what is going on. Is she not coming to these things because her boyfriend won’t let her or because she doesn’t want to? Sometimes I wish she would just tell me she doesn’t want to be a part of this.
On to Issue #2…
The bachelorette party. So my MOH started planning my bachelorette party (or at least thinking about it) a couple of months ago. Then a couple of weeks ago she lost her job and is really in dire straits financially right now. So when one of the bridesmaids (who is also a very close friend, like family) offered to help her with the bachelorette party, that was great! What started it was I really really wanted to go to the casino for my bachelorette party, that is what I have pictured since I started planning this wedding was spending my bachelorette party there, swimming in their indoor pool, having dinner at their restaurant, hanging out in their bar, gambling and staying in the hotel. I knew my MOH financial situation and I thought my FI’s best man would be able to get us a free room. It ended up he couldn’t because we had to do it on a weekend and they won’t give him free rooms on weekends. I knew that my MOH could not afford a room there so I let it go, its not that big of a deal to me. Instead I told her I just wanted to go bowling and have dinner. Well the bridesmaid I mentioned above knew how much I wanted to go to the boat so she called me and said that she had talked to the hotel and gotten a good deal if I was interested. Well, of course I was interested and she knew it. She talked me into letting her book the room so I could do what I really wanted and I was so excited! I was thinking for two weeks about how I would be going to the casino and having fun with my friends. Over the next couple of weeks, the plans shifted here and there and the last I had heard it was to go bowling and then head out to the casino for dinner, drinking and gambling. Then I had to go out of town for work last week (9/13-9/18) and my MOH called me while I was gone and said that plans had changed slightly, we were still doing the same things but that she hoped I would love it. So I had no idea what they have planned, but I was still thinking it is dinner/bowling/casino. Also while I was gone, they started planning a surprise and so I wasn’t allowed to hear any other details. That kind of sounded exciting to me so I went with it.
By last Friday (my bachelorette party was this past Saturday) my MOH and the bridesmaid that was helping her were almost at each other’s throats… actually they were both venting to me about each other. Apparently through miscommunication in the planning, one thought that the other was going to be inviting people by phone, while the other thought that the invitation was going to be emailed. Anyway, so I fixed that, got emails sent out to those who had not been told over the phone and continued to stress about 2 people who are so important to me not getting along.
Prior to that, I had been talking to another bridesmaid who was trying to tell me certain things about the party without giving anything away, through that conversation I found out that part of the “surprise” was that they had decided not to book the boat and book a room at a local Holiday Inn instead. So I was already bummed about that and with the combination of that and my friend’s fighting, I just wanted to forget it.
So Saturday night they came and picked me up and we went to dinner at my favorite Steakhouse, just 2 bridesmaids, my MOH and one of my bridesmaid’s best friend. My MOH had gone to the 3rd bridesmaids house and knocked on her door an hour before this only to be told that she could not go because she had to work. So we had dinner, my bridesmaids were kind of rude to the server (which I really don’t like) but they tried to make it fun for me. After dinner we went to the bowling alley to meet up with everyone else. Everyone else ended up being 2 other people for a total of 7, which was originally supposed to be 12 that said they were coming. But it was kind of nice to have fewer people there. We had a blast at the bowling alley and one of my bridesmaids came up with the best party favors of all kinds of cosmetics, lotions, toiletries… just all the cool stuff that you want to try but never really want to spend the money on. Since less people came than what was expected, everyone got more than they would have and we all spent a good half hour trading things until everyone had close to everything they wanted… good times!
We left the bowling alley at about 11:30 and headed to the hotel. The room was nice and one of my BM’s had told me to bring a bathing suit because the hotel had an indoor pool. This made me think that we would all be getting up in the morning to swim. So we get to the room and they had bought a lot of alcohol, everything that I liked. This was very thoughtful and I really appreciated the thought that went into it. This is why I felt very bad when I didn’t drink very much of it at all. I had one shot and les than one smirnoff ice. But I was the only one to take a shot. We sat around and talked for a little bit and then one BM and her best friend left at about 1:30. I thought they were staying the night and they left. So then it was down to me, my MOH, and my other BM (who was staying in the adjoining room with her husband and 11 month old baby). So that left only me and my MOH staying in the room. Well, my MOH doesn’t swim in public and the BM that was staying next door doesn’t have a bathing suit because she gained weight after she had her baby. So swimming in the morning was out. At about 2:30, my BM went to go to bed in her room and my MOH and I went to have a cigarette and followed suit by hitting the sack at 3am. We woke up in the morning, talked to the BM next door for a while when we were packing everything up to go and then my MOH and I went and had lunch at Olive Garden.
Let me make clear that I am very appreciative of the effort and love that was put into the planning of this party, and I know they tried to do things that I would enjoy. But I can’t help but think that renting the hotel room was just a waste of money. They rented it so that my MOH and I could sleep in it just to wake up and go home. I wish that they had just told me that we would not be staying at the casino, or even going to it for that matter. From what I could tell and from what my MOH told me, they wanted to keep it from me so that maybe I would be having so much fun that I wouldn’t notice that we hadn’t gone to the casino and I would have had just as much fun at the Holiday Inn. I should have just confronted them when I found out, and told them not to waste the money on another hotel. It wasn’t about staying in a hotel, it was about staying at Horseshoe and the atmosphere and experience there.
Sorry, just really needed to vent and get it all out. I am not really upset or anything, just kind of confused and a little stressed about everything listed in the novel above. My friends not getting along, an MIA bridesmaid, a change of plans that were purposely not revealed to me, I just don’t really know what I think.