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Find one of those "Maid/Matron of Honor Duties" lists and send it to her. ;) She'll go along or not, but it's a shame she's acting this way... if nothing else, her job is to be supportive!
I can't believe a matron of honor would be so difficult....she's already been through this. She knows how hectic things can get. Is it almost easier to just let her wear her dress and let it be? I wouldn't ask someone else to wear a dress like her though, if all the other BM's are matching. Also, she should not get reimbursed...that's just ridiculous.
I think this is a situation that Caytlin needs to deal with (you mentioned she's in the hospital? I don't know the story there but I hope she's ok and will be out soon!). She could send her sister an email that says something like:
Sister,
I just heard from xxRosiexx that you bought a dress. There seems to be some confusion. We're having all the bridesmaids wear [designer name] dress style number [number]. I need you to buy that dress, in [color]. Also, I'm sorry that we aren't going to be able to help pay for the dresses, but it just isn't in our budget. The cost of the dress is traditionally the bridesmaid's responsibility. Here is a good site with some bridesmaid FAQs: http://wedding.theknot.com/Related.aspx?type=tag&value=Basics+for+Bridesmaids . Also please let me know if you are planning on hosting a shower because if not then I will speak to some of the other bridesmaids about doing this.
Thanks and see you soon!
Caytlin
This type of email I think will work because it's firm. She knows that what she's doing is inappropriate, but she's trying to take advantage because she's family and thinks she can get away with it. Just be firm and say, no, that is not acceptable. If she won't agree to preform even the most basic bridesmaid duties (i.e. buying the correct dress) then be prepared to tell her that she can't be in the wedding.
you guys are more patient than I would be : ) she'd be out! it horrifies me how some people behave these days....I hope your sister is well soon!
Shre's acting this way because she didn't expect much from her bridesmaids/maid of honors and had them choose their own dresses and she paid for them. That is how it went for her wedding, so she feels that it should be the same for ours.
Caytlin will be home tomorrow. yay!!! :)
I'm glad your friend is doing better. I see that the sister had her way of doing things for her own wedding. I can understand that she disagrees on costs and responsibilities. But I think it's a good idea for Catilyn provide her with resources that explain what Catilyn is doing is well within the norm. Then I think she should be kind but firm in saying to her sister, that she really does love her and wants her to be her MOH, but that she understands if her sister doesn't think she can meet her expectations.
I'm sure she wants her sister standing up with her, but it would probably be worse to stay and be miserable than bow out altogether. But I would hope after the siser realizes that the bride isn't being ridiculous, she'd settle down. But you never know with sisters. It could be a case of the older sister feeling like "She's always been spoiled and get's everything she wants. She gets out of paying for stuff that I had to pay for."
WOW, she went and bought a dress and expects you to pay for it? Without discussing it? That's kind of crazypants.
There are two options: go along with what her sister wants to do to reduce stress (which really depends on how important all of these things are to you), or put your foot down (hard and fast!) to get things back in line. I'd go with the latter.
That is insane. I think that sample email above is very nice and very firm. I would send it with a notice that she can go along with it or she can no longer be maid of honor.
Just simply don't pay for the dress, what is the worse she could do? Freak out and leave the bridal party?
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Cayltin's older sister and matron of honour complains (to me) about everything. She hates the color and style of the bridesmaid dresses, doesn't like our choice of venue, says that Valentines Day weddings are tacky. Refuses to pay for her dress. Money is not the problem, she just feels that Caytlin should pay for it. She says Caytlin doesn't deserve a bridal shower. All she expects to do is to show up on the day, wearing a dress she picked out, hair and make up done, shoes. That's all. She won't listen to anyone. What should I do? I don't want to go to Caytlin about this while she's in the hosptial.
Edit//// She just sent me an email saying that she bought her own dress (not our choice) and she would like Caytlin to pay her back the money she (the sister) paid for the dress and would like my cousin to purchase the same dress.