Post # 1
Is there such thing as a bridesmaidzilla?
My bridesmaids are not throwing my shower (they live all across the country), so a close family friend is hosting it. One of my bridesmaids informed me that she would be bringing her mother down with her as her mother is from that region and hadn’t been back in a while and that she would be busy during the shower itself. I was fine with that, and added that I didn’t want to start inviting friends’ mothers to the shower, and that she would for sure be able to join us for the pool party and BBQ dinner afterwards. She understood. Now, fast forward 3 months, she contacts the woman hosting my shower and tells her that I (the bride who didn’t want to be inviting friends’ mothers to the shower) really wanted HER mother to attend the shower. Family friend, not knowing the previous agreement, agrees. She tells my mom, my Mom tells my Maid/Matron of Honor (because Mom and I had chatted about this) so now my Maid/Matron of Honor is really mad because she lied to get what she wanted. Now, we’ve all be friends since we met in university (about 8 years ago), and I’ve met BM’s mother a few times, but I’m really not close to her. I can probably count the number of times I’ve spoken to her (and met her) on my hands. My MOH’s mother, on the other hand, I’ve met countless times and have had many great chats with her, but she is not invited to the shower. Who is in the wrong here? And, how do I approach to remedy this situation?
Same Bridesmaid or Best Man, has been questioning me on my shoe decision for the wedding day. Now, I didn’t tell them they had to be 4 inch strappy heels, or anything of the sort, I simply said “X colour” and Go any style to want because I want you to be comfortable! Some sample questions: Can it be patterned? no. Why not? Can it be this other colour with X as accents? no. Why not? Can it be this different colour? no. Why not? This part is more of just a rant, but I am starting to think she is becoming a bridesmaidzilla. She wasn’t a bridezilla either when she got married.
Post # 3
@MapleLeafMel: I voted yes although I think she’s being more difficult than ‘zilla-ish.
Regarding the shower, you don’t do anything to remedy the situation because you’re not the host of the party. Since the host already agreed to let the mother come, I’d just go with it and be gracious.
I suppose the host could call the Bridesmaid or Best Man back and apologize for the “misunderstanding” but I think that would just result in drama and tension between everyone that would be worse than just allowing her mother to come.
Post # 4
1. Oh yeah, bridesmaidzillas definitely exist, and it sounds like you have one.
2. Totally ridiculous for her to pull that little scam to get her mom invited, but you should probably just let it go and invite your MOH’s mother since you’re closer and you don’t want to offend her. If any other bridesmaid brings it up I would say “Well Moh’s mother is a very close personal friend who is helping with the wedding, and psycho Bridesmaid or Best Man invited her mother along without permission.
3. If she’s going to be so stupid about the shoes, maybe you should just send her a link for two or three shoes you like in different styles and say this is what I had in mind. Let me know if there are anymore questions, but whatever you decide it needs to be solid blue with no patterns.
Post # 5
I voted yes to your poll question but I don’t think she is a “bridesmaidzilla” either. That kind of behaviour would be totally worse. It sounds like you are just having communications issues, possibly due to your communication styles, or living far apart from each other.
Post # 6
The bridal shower thing is straight up weird. Is it possible she misunderstood? I’d just explain that she’s the only mother coming now and ask what’s up.
The shoe thing is annoying though. I’d remind her that everyone should match and to do that you all need to follow the same guidelines.
Post # 7
@MapleLeafMel: The hostess is in the wrong here: she should have reached out to you before confirming the mom being invited. That being said, I certainly would not say anything about it to her, as it’s worse manners to call someone out on their bad manners.
As far as the bridesmaid, I think it was kind of a manipulative move, and I would talk to her about it: “Hey, listen: you knew good and well my feelings on moms of bridesmaids coming, and now you have put me in a really tough spot with the other girls. If any of them come to me complaing, count on me directing them to you to explain this little mix-up. In the future, you shouldnt do something like this again.”
ETA: just saw the shoes part. This girl is being a bit of a diva. I’d nip this in the bud or dismiss her. These kinds of things are exactly the reason I’m not doing a bridal party.
Post # 8
@MapleLeafMel: she sounds like a bridesmaidzilla and the shoe thing is ridiculous. She should not have asked you all of that. You have every right to say what color shoes you want her to get. Does she think this is her wedding?