posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Bridezilla
    I was definately a Bridezilla.. it was MY day! : (2 votes)
    3 %
    I was Totally NOT a Bridezilla!.. its only one day : (42 votes)
    71 %
    I regret not being a bridezilla.. I settled to avoid drama.. : (11 votes)
    19 %
    I"ve been in a direct path of Bridezilla herself!! (i'll explain below) : (4 votes)
    7 %
  • Post # 3
    1311 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 1994

    I am not a fan of either of those dresses. But decide on if you want them to be all the same or if they are to pick their own, before someone spends some money.

    Post # 5
    10904 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    It is NOT being a bridezilla to choose the bridesmaids’ dresses and to have every maid wear the same style and color of dress, even if your bridesmaids do not love — or even like — the dress, as long as you are taking into consideration their different body types when you choose the dress, and no one would be forced to wear something that is too revealing or would otherwise make her look completely unattractive. I can only speak for weddings in the US, but that type of situation is completely normal here, and the bridesmaids here — most of the time — pay for their own dresses. I’ve been a maid of honor three times and a bridesmaid four additional times, and I have only been involved in helping to choose the dress I wore in one of those weddings, and that was because there were only two attendants (a matron of honor and a maid of honor) for that wedding, and we were completely different ages, heights, and body types.


    You made a mistake in telling the girls that they may choose their own style and length of dress, because that is not what you really want. Since you have already set forth that expectation, some of the maids may be unhappy that you are rescinding that privilege. However, it is your wedding, and you shouldn’t have to be obsessing over this situation, because it is one part of your wedding day that you can and should be able to have control over. Just be perfectly honest with these ladies about your feelings and apologize for changing the rules on them, but explain that you’ve realized that you just aren’t going to be able to be happy with the mismatched look. If they know anything about your personality (wanting things to match, being a perfectionist, etc.), they likely will not be all that surprised and will understand.


    Post # 6
    143 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    If you’re having trouble I think it’s perfectly fine to choose their dress for them. Or if you like the mismatched look and want them to have something which suits them maybe you could find ten different dresses and tell them they have to pick one of them? You might find that they appreciate it – someone might be feeling the responsibility of picking something which you will like. 

    To me, telling them what to wear is not bridezilla – it’s just standard. If you start demanding other things from them it might be!

    Post # 7
    2419 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I don’t say this to be at all snarky but it occurs to me that you have created your own personal nightmare here. There’s nothing at all wrong with being a perfectionist but you’ll know yourself that this will come with an awful fear of losing control of a situation and fearing the worst outcome.

    Which is why I think it would be far better if you picked the dress for them. I realise that they are different sizes and shapes but it should still be possible to go for the same material, the same colour and a very similar style. You are unlikely to be able to pick the perfect dress for as many as six bridesmaids anyway. I think it IS going beyond reasonable to tell your bridesmaids how they can wear their hair or do their make-up, however. 

    Post # 8
    7664 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

    We have a rule here in the UK. If the bride dictates… the bride pays!

    If you want them all in the same dress, offer to pay for their outfits, and no more need be said.

    Post # 9
    7052 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @kayjay612:  “would i be a bridezilla to decide on a dress and order it in their sizes? (again, i have offered to pay)

    Absolutely not bridezilla! The whole point of bridesmaids is they wear what the bride chooses. And if you’re paying, you can put them in whatever you want (within reason). Just reverse your decision and say it’s easier if you choose the style.
    As a general rule, bridezilla is when you make demands which extend beyond the wedding day (e.g. telling them what they’re allowed to do with their hair, or weight, or free time, in the weeks leading up to the wedding). I didn’t do that and I hope you don’t either!

    Post # 10
    11668 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I think it’s fine to pick a dress and just tell them too bad. But I don’t like the dresses posted, especially not for ladies of different sizes. It won’t look good on everyone. My advice is go for flowy chiffon-you can’t go wrong it looks great on everyone. Maybe even pick out 2-3 styles of a dress qnd let them choose from those.

    Post # 11
    99 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    I, too, am a perfectionist who takes forever to decorate my Christmas tree & will be controlling every detail of my big day! I also didn’t want to be a dictator & have my 8 bridesmaids wear a gown I chose. I told them all to buy floor length ivory gowns & left it at that! Like you, I immediately started to stress out about what people were going to choose & started to regret that decision. 

    Then it kind of hit me the other day… IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT THEY WEAR! I realized that the attire of my guests (and ultimately bridesmaids are my guests too- they’re just guests with jobs!) just has no bearing on how magical our day will be. If someone chooses a crazy outfit, then they’ll just look crazy! What I know now is that no matter what ivory gown someone chooses, my guests will be gawking at my gorgeous Lazaro, not my bridesmaids. I have never judged someone’s wedding for what guests wore- including bridesmaids gown when the bride didn’t pick them out. If all of your maids are wearing different gowns no one will think you had anything to do with their gown selection. 

    I will DEFINITELY be stressing over every other detail but this revelation has set me free! Haha …until the next crazy bridesmaids dress purchase comes along! 

    Post # 12
    11772 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2013

    Not Bridezilla at all to pick a dress and a color, especially if you’re paying!

    Now demanding they dye their hair, get it cut to the same length, and making THEM pay for $500 in hair/make up WOULD make you a Bridezilla.

    I think you have plenty of room before you hit that mark!

    Post # 13
    5787 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2014

    Maybe they are just spoiled for choice. YOU pick maybe 20 dresses that all work well together and tell them each to give you their first and second choices from that selection only. That way you can mix things around if two girls pick the same dress. Then give them a reasonable but short window to make their decisions, and then you tell them which dress they need to go buy.

    Post # 14
    36 posts
    • Wedding: May 2014

    My suggestion is to pick out 2-4 dresses you approve of and let them pick from that. You can’t please everyone no matter how hard you try. Yes they are spending the money on the dress but you are spending the money and time to plan the whole even and if it’s not yours what’s the point? 

    Post # 15
    567 posts
    Busy bee

    @kayjay612:  Lol sooo I am very down to earth, very laid back and am very cautious about making sure my bridesmaid are not going to have to spend more than $300 to be a part of my wedding.  With that being said….I have STILL had some of my bridesmaid comment on me being a bridezilla…lol….  They say this because nobody took the horse by the reins to start planning MY bridal shower, so I had to research venue’s come up with ideas for them…they said your NOT suppose to help plan your shower and I said well NOBODY Is…Soooo….  One friend, only ONE bridesmaid ended up really COMING through and making it beautiful, the other 2 Bridesmaids that said they would make it PERFECT did NOTHING for it but help pay a little for the venue.

    I hate to say it but even the best girlfriends in the world will want to make your bridal activities amazing, but a little itty bitty part of them will NOT want to make it better than there’s was…Maybe its just some of my friends that are like this and I am being freakishly honest…but thats how i see a lot of things go down…So if helping make my Bridal shower amazing & making sure the invitations went out Atleast 2 weeks in advance is being a Bridezilla Than I will wear that title with pride, lol!

    I may be Bridezillaish while planning the wedding…but when it comes to not making the girls get their hair done, letting them wear whatever shoe’s they want, not making them get to the venue at 8am, they can get their at noon( I HATe WHEN brides make you sit arouns for 5-6 hours before the wedding, so rude!) and basically being a really chill bride about the day of and rehearsal dinner I would rather have a Bride be like that and a perfectionist about the wedding before hand then be a Bridezilla on the day of…

    On the day of i will be relaxed and make sure to enjoy myself, with not a care in the world and really soak in the $25,000 we are spending in those 6 hours! LOL

    Post # 16
    71 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    you might want to ask them if they want you to just choose a dress – I originally had mismatched dress plans then asked my BMs if they just wanted me to pick and they universally said yes…trying to find things was stressing them out too!

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