Bridezilla and momzilla

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

It got too long and I didn’t finish reading it, but she doesn’t sound like a very nice person or ready to be getting married.

I think you’ll have to really consider what’s the best way to go forward. If the bride gives you an out, I’d take it, personally. It all sounds like a lot of nonsense. 

Post # 3
Member
812 posts
Busy bee

I had a friend like this and after 15 years of friendship I walked away. She wasn’t happy with herself and as a result would try and bring me down. The only thing I could think of doing is removing yourself from the MOH position and possibly the wedding party if she feels that strongly about you. 

With everything else going on in your life, do you need this negative family? I know there are two sides of every story, but if this is how you are feeling then why continue the relationship. 

Post # 5
Member
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

Well, it’s in the bride’s hands now. 

Post # 6
Member
812 posts
Busy bee

ksn1219:  I’m a little confused on why you would stay in this situation just because your SO is a groomsman? And since she can’t trust you to do anything, she probably has other people planning things so doing it by yourself seems like a mute point. 

I feel for you being in this situation, and like you said, this relationship has run it’s course. I don’t feel you should be adding this extra stress on yourself and should be focusing on your grandfather and help support your SO with his grandfather instead of focusing on a person who can’t even be considerate to take time out of her day to make sure you are doing ok. 

Post # 8
Member
812 posts
Busy bee

ksn1219:  and unfortunately that is something you have to figure out on your own. 🙁 I know what I would do (walk), but I’m not you. Have you sat down with SO and discussed your feelings? If so what has he said? If your concerned about him then ask him! That might also help your decision. 

Post # 9
Member
2261 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

ksn1219: My dear I don’t think you need any advice here. You’ve handled the situation like a pro. 

I went through something similar with an ex bridesmaid, and ex friend to be quiet honest. She was making my life a living hell. It turns out the friendship was over long before we realized it. She couldn’t handle the fact I was getting married before her even though she’s 3 years older than me (she told me this, no assumptions here!!) so yeah that went south real fast. 

All I gotta say is, don’t loose your cool, if the bride wants to be a bitch then she’s the one closing doors herself. You continue doing what you are doing, because you haven’t done anything wrong. If she drops you as the MOH, more power to you haha. And then like you said, let the friendship run its course afterwards. 

And as far as picking up the dress on Thursday, you should still go….. I think if you don’t, that may be it for the 2 of you. 

Good luck! You need it!

Post # 11
Member
3223 posts
Sugar bee

Would he be a groomsman without you?  Does he have an independent relationship with the couple?  If you step down, would they ask him to step down as well? 

That would be the ideal (?) situation.    You’d both be out, and you could close the door on a not great friendship.

IF you want to keep the friendship alive.  Not the friendship you wish, thought, hoped you’d have, but the actual one you have now, then I think you need to salvage it.  If you step down the friendship is over. 

IF (and I don’t think you should) you do decide to try to change the friendship, I’d send an email asking for feedback about what you can do to make her happy.  Make it specific and measureable.  For example not; deal with the bachelorette party, but I will host a bachelorette party of my chosing and organization within 2 months of the wedding.  Then refer back to this email when she inevitably wants something else.  Then (if you then decide it’s still worth it) say to her “Ok, you’ve changed your mind, I am willing to work with you on achieving this new objective, but these are the perameters that exist” So maybe your budget drops from 500-300 as you’ve already spent 200 on Project A.  Then she can decide to take it or not.

But honestly, I don’t know why you would want a friend that you had to treat as a business transaction, with a contract of sorts governing your behaviour.  It seems like it is over.  It is sad.  But there is no sense in dragging it out.  I drew it out with a friend and now she’s someone I try to cover in my pics.

Post # 13
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

ksn1219:  awww i am sorry. i have never really been in a situation like this…but i would walk away. you have handled everything pretty gracefully, just show up in the dress, be apart of the pictures, the toasts…the day… but she sounds like a brat. you deserve a better friend than her…

honestly, (and i dont like to sound judgemental..) but i wonder, with the wonderful personality she has demonsrated, i wonder how long this marriage will last? eeeep

Post # 15
Member
1801 posts
Buzzing bee

Wow. Thumbs up to you for not smacking her and avoiding those arguments as much as possible. If any bride asked me to be the MOH..or a BM for that matter….and forgot my birthday I would really wonder how close we were, especially after the lack of sensitivity with your grandfather. I can sympathize sticking it out for your man, Im sure the wedding would be interesting drama if you dropped out and came for him. I can see her saying something smart

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