- 3 years ago
- Wedding: May 2016
I wrote a long post yesterday but when I went to post it there was an error and deleted everything so I will try to keep this short. Sorry if I do not.
I’m the MOH in my friends wedding. I have always believed that she is not mature enough to get married, but her recent actions have further proved that to me. I’m not convinced this is just “bride brain” and I believe I am finally seeing her true colors. Comments on my other post have mentioned that I have outgrown this friendship and I am starting to agree.
We have been best friends for 6 years. She is like my younger sister, and her mom was pretty much like my mom (my mother is deceased). When we met, I was a junior in high school and her mom kinda took me under her wing. But recently I’ve found out things her mom used to say about me such as how college wasn’t for everyone and that I would drop out. She also put me on birth control because she thought I’d go away to college and get pregnant, 5 years later that still hasn’t happened. She also always says backhanded comments when I’m around, knowing damn good and well that what she is cirticizing is something that I have done in my life (she doesn’t understand why people go away to college, she thinks it is stupid). I’m getting carried away so onto the bride.
When she asked me to be her MOH in February I was so happy. I looked up what my duties were suppose to be and I tried to be the best moh I could be. I also tried to be the moh I would want. I believe that a moh is suppose to be there and support the bride, but I also think she is suppose to be the logical one when the bride gets carried away.
The wedding is in October, in a field/barn. She is having 9 bridesmaids and her mother is the matron of honor. She wanted BM dresses to be a white one shoulder top with a maxi sequined skirt and I would be in a pleated maxi skirt with a sequined top. I personally don’t think this fits the venue but I went along with it. I tried to help her pick dresses by constantly sending her links and stuff but she always seemed to hate what I would send or she would constantly changed her mind about what it was that she wanted. One day she sent me a link to a sequined dress. After talking to another BM about it and her voicing some concerns, I brought it up with the bride. I asked her what kind of floor the venue had. She said that it was bark/shavings. I asked her if the bark would stick to our sequined skirts (sequins stick to EVERYTHING) and ruin our sequined/bow sandals, also if it would stick to her lace gown. Her response was “I don’t give a damn if it ruins your $200 skirt. It’s going to ruin my $4000 gown so I don’t give a shit.” After this text I could tell I had obviously pissed her off so I told her I was just trying to be logical and I was trying to bring up a concern to see if she had thought about that. She responded with another bitchy text about how it doesn’t matter what the floors are and that I had asked a stupid question. I didn’t respond. Then a couple of days later she send me a text asking if I even wanted to be in the wedding because I was being nothing but negative. She said that all I would respond with was “that’s good” “that’s pretty” or “that will look good”. I told her that I responded with these things because I learned I couldn’t be honest with her and give my opinion so I would say those things because I thought that’s what she wanted to hear. She continued on about how I wasn’t a good moh and how I didn’t even plan her a bridal shower. This was in March….
Earlier in February, her mother texted me and told me that I had to have the friends bridal shower at least two months before. I said that it was fine and I would have to get everyone’s schedule. A week later the bride texted me and told me that another BM was planning her shower because I hadn’t mentioned the shower and she wasn’t sure if she was even going to get one. Keep in mind her mother is also throwing her one so she will at least have two showers. I told her to let me know how I can help and when it is. I also told her I thought it was kinda shitty this BM just decided to take the shower into her own hands without asking me first if I waa going to plan anything. I was also trying to plan the bachelorette party which would be a weekend beach trip since everyone except me was under 21. I am trying to work around the school/work schedules of 9 bridesmaids so there’s only certain times we could do it. Once I told the bride this and that we needed to book something soon because it fills up during summer, she told me that she hates making plans that far in advance….so I give up on that idea.
During the next month or so I continue to offer my support when she asked for it or comes to me worrying about something, I tell her it will be alright. I also went to look at BM dresses with her because she changed her mind once again. But during this time I was also going through some personal problems. My grandfather (the only living relative I have) has not been doing well since last September. It was the middle of April and she asked when my bday was and I told her (April 27). So the Friday before my bday I told her I would be in town (I live an hour away at college) and that we could do something if she wanted. I’m on my way down and get a call from my grandpa saying I needed to take him to the hospital. I told her I had to take him to the ER and sent her a pic. About 6 hours later she responded and just said “oh no, hope he gets better.” (Meanwhile my other friend left work early to come to the ER to sit with me). The next morning I texted her and told her my SOs grandfather had also been sent to the ER the night before. Didn’t hear from her til that night when she just said “y’all can’t catch a break.” That Sunday was my birthday and I spent it in 2 different hospitals with our grandfathers. She did not text me happy birthday until 3 pm after I said something about it on Instagram, so I am 99.99% sure she forgot. The next day was the 6 year anniversary of my fathers death and my grandfather was still in the hospital. He got released that night and the next day (5 days after he went in) she FINALLY asked me how he was…. After these events I was convinced she didn’t give a shit about her “friends” and only cared about herself.
A week later it was time for me to leave for my study abroad. My boyfriend and other bestfriend threw me a surprise going away party. She did not come. While I’m gone she’s sending me pics of BM dresses and asking what she should do. I told her she needed to make a decision because we were running out of time since it was only 5 months til the wedding. A couple of weeks later she finally decides that’s the BM will buy whatever dress they want/feel comfortable in and we will mixmatch. After her not making up her mind for MONTHS she tells us we have to have our dress in 3 weeks. I’m renting mine from rent the runway and to save her from unnecessary worrying I told her I already ordered it. She had texted me about how she didn’t think it was going to look good and how nobody’s dresses were looking right, so I tried to tell her it would be okay.
Last week once I got back to the states I had 3 different BMs asking me about certain dates for the wedding events. Since the bride told me she didn’t like making decisions that far in advance for the bachelorette party, I had thrown out the idea to other BMs about just doing a spa day and having a nice dinner then renting a hotel. They said that was a good idea. But while I was gone on of them told me the bride said she wanted to have a combined bachelor/ette party and rent a lake house. At this point I was really wondering why I was even moh if she wasnt going to let me plan anything… When I talked to the bride about this and told her I couldn’t find anywhere in the state that has a house for 30-40 guest and she told me we would need someone 25 or older to rent a boat. She also suggested doing a bachelor/ette party that involved field day games. I left out the fact that 23 year old guys are not going to want to play a bunch of field day games (my SO is a groomsmen and already said he has to work that day even though he doesn’t know the date), but I told her that I thought that was if your wedding party didn’t really know each other and it was more of a bonding experience. Then I told her about spa day. She said that was fine so then I told her that we needed to get dates set in stone some people can have adequate time to take off (some of the BMs need 2-3 months notice). I also asked if the BM who was planning the shower has decided when it would be because everytime I try to contact her she doesn’t respond. She said that she thinks they are looking at having it July 26. I told her that we need to know so people can be sure to take off and be there. She said that she hates to say for sure because what if something happens. I told her I was just trying to make sure everyone can be there and she told me that it wasn’t her responsibility to tell people when the shower or the bridal luncheon was and that 2-3 weeks would be enough notice. I told her that you can’t spring shit on people and expect them to be able to make it. She continued on her rant about how a couple of weeks was enough time, also she decided to throw in the fact that I don’t even have a date for the bachelorette party and she that I was being negative. I told her that I wasn’t trying to be negative and that my frustration was coming from the fact that she keeps changing her mind and can’t decide/plan anything “that far in advance”. I also told her that some of the BMs, including myself, feel as if we have no idea what is going on and have no direction. I also ended by giving her a date for the bachelorette party. Her response was that she doesn’t care and that she is happy with anything, it is just nice to have something planned for you (then let me damn plan it and stop complaining!!). She then told me that I made up the whole thing about the lake house and she doesn’t know where I got that from…yeah okay. I just responded with “okay” because I realized this conversation was going no where. Once I said that she responded with “see it’s shit like that. Nothing is ever happy with you. You’re not a maid of honor, maid of honors don’t act the way you do.” and I told her that I wasn’t going to argue with her because no matter what I did it wasn’t going to make her happy. She responded with “What have you done to try to make me happy? Other than kind of trying to think of a party.” Once again I told her there was no point in arguing with her and that it was hard to make someone happy when they don’t know what they want. She responded with “how have you tried to make me happy in the first place?”…I told her I was not going to argue with her and she kept on so I just didn’t write back. Then not even 5 minutes later her mother texted me and said “KSN the last thing I thought you would do would be to hurt BRIDE. You have really upset her and me by being so negative about everything regarding the wedding. You were supposed to be her maid of honor the one who helped her not bring her to tears with your negative words and no support. I’m really hurt that you have been this way bc BRIDE has been there for you always.”….I was so dumbfounded that her freakin mom texted me and I didn’t even know what to say back. I haven’t talked to either of them since then which was about 5 days ago.
Well that turned into a novel so thank you if you’re still with me. I honestly do not feel like I have done anything wrong, if you disagree please tell me so I can try to make right. I also feel like they think it’s all my fault and aren’t taking into consideration what I am going through or how their actions are also making me feel. She always said that I would be there to help her plan and be there every step of the way, but I think what has happened is the opposite of that. She didn’t invite me dress shopping (even though that’s all she talked about before hand) and I was suppose to go with her Thursday to pick up her dress but idk if that’s haopening anymore. I’m about to get engaged and we’ve already decided were eloping, but if we hadn’t the stress and bullshit I’ve been through with this wedding would definitely make me not want to have a wedding.