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I haven't had anyone call me this, but I would be hurt if they did! It doesn't sound like you are anything like a Bridezilla! If the people teasing you are close friends and family, I would let them know that it makes you feel badly when they call you that. Explain that while you love and appreciate ther suggestions, you are trying to be budget-wise and not go overboard.
((hugs!))
Seems like a Catch-22. If you say something and they're in a teasing mood they'll just have more ammunition.
I was a bit like oh I don't need this and I don't need that (or sometimes want) but that's the tricky things with gifts, it's a bit hard to politely refuse, not impossible, but even if the gift is a wedding shower, someones trying to do something for you (even if they're not taking into consideration what you want), so I think it just makes them more sensitive too to here refusal. I donno, there were some things that I just kept saying I don't want, like the limo, but other things like the bridal shower I knew was important to my mom, and ended up being a lot of fun, so I just stopped saying oh I don't want it and went with it.
Within my close friends and family we joke and call me Bridezilla, I call myself Bridezilla Chink on my blog! But that's within my close friends and family and I know they really don't think I am a Bridezilla. But when other people like coworkers, even ones who I am friends with, call me Bridezilla -jokingly- it does offend me a bit.
I say if it's hurting you then you should say something. Let them know that you know they are kidding but it hurts you. And hopefully they will stop. *hugs*!
I don't mean this comment to sound mean, so please, don't take it that way (I realize it could sound like it), but sometimes jokes are made with a basis, deep down, in truth. Is it possible that your family and friends are reacting to the way you've been running plans?
If I were in your situation, especially if a few people in particular were making the same kind of joke repeatedly, I would sit down with them and ask something like, "You know, you tease me a lot about being a bridezilla. Do you really think I'm being too particular about the wedding?" Of course, if it were me, I'd genuinely want to know, and would expect a fully honest answer.
I'm finding that being on a budget (not self imposed) means I often have to be willing to compromise - so I'm embracing that, and seeing where the plans take me (us, really, since J is all for helping me plan). If you're being very frugal but still pretty particular about the details, people might have trouble understanding why you're limiting yourself when you could spend more.
Really though, it's hard to know without knowing more about your situation. :) I could hypothesize all day and never hit the nail on the head.
Thanks for the advice (and hugs!) ladies.
*daydreamwanderer - Thanks for your post and I didn't think it was mean at all just honest which is what I wanted.
The thing is that I am not being particular about the wedding details at all, just cheap! (My mom keeps trying to get me to stop saying cheap and say reasonable but lets be honest I'm trying to be cheap. My FI and I just bought a house plus we pushed the wedding up a year so we don't have the money we wanted to contribute and I refuse to let my parents and future in-laws contribute more money than we first discussed, therefore my budget is small)
It is odd things that have caused certain people to call me the b-word. I'm a bridezilla because I changed my invitations.... due to the fact I found some that cost 3rd less than my first pick. I'm a bridezilla because I don't want a bridal shower... due to the fact that the people who would be throwing me the shower are moving, building a new house, unemployed, broke college students, or live out of state or overseas.
Only getting 4 hours of photography and not 6... bridezilla
Not having a videographer... bridezilla
Buying flowers in bulk and making arrangements/bouqets... bridezilla
When I (politely) refuse somebody's suggestion, it's not because I'm being picky but because the suggestion is too pricing but still I'm a bridezilla.
This feels like a lose-lose situation.
Yeah, if you're paying for it and it's a suggestion and not a gift that's a diff story, it's your decision, it definately helps bring out assertiveness in a wedding. I also got lots of slack for doing DIY bouquets, even with other people paying, and I had never done them before so it wasn't like I was completely confident, and it irritated me to be called stubborn and unreasonable but for me I just ignored it or laughed it off, agreeing that everything would be a disaster and I'd walk down the aisle with dead flowers in my hand (while being irritated inside). So I donno for me I just ignored it, though I did once exclaim 'you're supposed to be nice to the bride!', but I did what I wanted if I was sure about it, when it worked out everyone just moved on and chalked it up to wedding nonsense.
Yeah, people called me a bridezilla too. For really dumb reasons! It's was kind of hurtful, but I tried to just let it roll off (instead of flipping my lid and looking even more 'bridezilla-y'...
If you know they're just joking, I wouldn't worry about it and tell them to lay off (or they're off the guest list...no free food and entertainment for the peanut gallery! :P )
There do seem to be people who automatically associate anything different with irrational, demanding bridezillaness. "Oh, your wedding isn't going to be completely forgettable and average? BRIDEZILLA! You're putting thought, time, and energy into this project? BRIDEZILLA! You are SPENDING MONEY on your wedding day in ANY capacity? BRIDE.ZILLA. You're excited to get married and talk about your wedding plans with me? BRIDEZILLA!!!!" Some people are never happy!
That sort of harassment is why I plan on keeping wedding plans between myself, my future FI, and those directly involved, and only as needed. I guess if they don't stop, you just have to stop the wedding talk around them. Don't let them know what you're doing and see how they react then, haha.
@<span style="font-size: x-small; color: #81a026;">worldtrekkerbride: I dont' think you're being unreasonable just from what you've posted here. I admire you prioritizing your home and finances over debt and a huge wedding! It's so easy for everyone to spend your money for you when it comes to the big day.
My brother got married to a wonderful woman a few years ago and she and I joke with each other all the time. During their engagement, I called her 'bridezilla" when we were going back & forth one day; she laughed and I didn't think anything of it. The next time we talked, she quietly asked me if I really thought she was being unreasonable. I didn't at all!!
What I think people might not get when they throw that word around is how PERSONAL all of the plans we make for the wedding are to us. Someone putting this much thought and detail into their education is not called "studentzilla" at the drop of a hat; and someone purchasing a new home isn't instantly a "housezilla". While Bridezillas certainly DO exist, I personally think that the word is grossly overused and is now what people say to future brides when they can't think of anything else.
If it's still bothering you, I would go with daydreamwanderer's suggestion of talking seriously to your close family & friends about this--not as they're teasing you but at a time when you can bring it up seriously. It's clearly your call how much you want to explain/justify your decisions to them. Hopefully once you hear them out and talk to them about why the decisions you're making are important to you, they'll feel a bit more included and back off.
Maybe they don't understand the definition of the word "bridezilla", because from what you're saying, you certainly haven't been one. Have they watched the show?
I somewhat think that a lot of people don't realize how offensive the Bridezilla label can be, even if it's used in jest. Sit down with the people "teasing" you and let them know that it's hurtful. Planning a wedding can be stressful enough, without having to censor everything you say and do!
That's weird that people are saying that to you. Personally, I think people use the bridezilla term too much. They use it if they want to shut you down. Because, really, what can you say after someone says that? If you deny it, they'll just call you bridezilla for denying it. I consider it essentially like calling someone a b!tch. It can be a way to attack you for expressing yourself.
I also think there are also some people who say it because it's kind of fun to say. They think they're being funny. During the wedding planning, my FI called me a bridezilla all the time as a joke. Didn't bother me because I knew he was being ironic.
Since I don't know you or your people I can't say why they are saying it, but if I were you, I would just laugh it off and make a joke of it. Own it! I find that to be the best way to deter insults. If it doesn't affect you, then people won't say it anymore (I learned this in high school, heh).
It doesn't sound like anything you are doing falls into the true bridezilla category.
I think people search for something to say about brides "loosing control" the show has gained popularity becuase people think bride's are nutty! But just as some are, some arn't. It does suck that just becasue you don't take up every single suggestion that someone has that your seen as a "bridezilla." It's like they saying "ooohhh watch out, this bride has an opinion!" LOL
Ever heard the expression "The road to hell is paved with good intentions?" In my opinion, this is probably the best way I can describe your situation.
While you have had nothing but good intentions I think that somwhere along the way, people may have seen some of your planning to be self-centred. I'm not trying to mean, because I too have been accused of planning without taking others into consideration. I have learned that whether you like it or not, wedding planning must be a group effort. Sounds corny, I know, but I think people can't help but grow feelings of resentfulness if their suggestions and ideas are not being taken into consideration. Again, I know it sucks and it must feel like crap knowing others feel this way despite you acting in a manner that would make life easier for others.
Then again, as daydreamwanderer has said, this is all a hypothesis on my part. Maybe it's just a case of people outside the wedding planning mode not fully understanding the connotation behind Bridezilla.
I just wanted to let you know I admire you for sticking to your plans.
I can't see from what you've described how you could be termed a bridezilla, and I understand how it hurts your feelings. During planning my dad would sometimes call me a bridezilla when I was over discussing plans with my mom - just because he was walking by, heard "wedding talk", and wanted to crack a joke.
It wasn't because I was being unreasonable or demanding, just that it was a funny word that might get a rise out of me. I didn't like it, but I recognized that it was meant to be a joke. Sometimes people just don't realize the effect teasing can have.
I don't like it when people misuse the word (or any words). It's not funny when a word is misused. Have they seen "GODZILLA"? It's like a monster that comes stomping on buildings and helpless innocent people. Bridezilla is a bride-version of godzilla.
As for not taking people's suggestions, you can just say "I don't have the $ but if you really want it, you can pay for it."
Just tell those people that they're misusing the word bridezilla so it's not really funny. Tell them that an appropriate occassion to call you a bridezilla is: if on your wedding day, your attendants do not bring you the correct brand of sparkling water, you throw the glass at their faces. Tell them that you'll be happy to be called a bridezilla then.
i haven't got too much slack for this, but so far i have really been trying to make everyone else happy:( when people bust out the bridezilla, i usually laugh and let them know how bad i could really be (lol)! i considered buying myself a tank top with a dinosaur on it saying RRROOOAAARRR!!! just for fun;)
My fiance did that as a joke, then one of my bridesmaids. I just sat them down and made them watch one episode of that horrible bridezilla show. They never called me that again ;)
Maybe you could do a family sitting of that show.
Does your family normally make jokes similar to that? Some families just innocently tease each other. I don't think you are being a bridezilla in any form. Have them watch the show then they can see what a bridezilla is. My FI has such respect for me after watching a few episodes!
***hugs hugs hugs*** It does not seem like you are a bridezilla! Just tell them that it hurts your feelings when they call you a bridezilla and then ask what in their opinion have you been zillaie about. More than likely they will not be able to think of anything and will apologize!
Ha! Definintely do a family viewing of the Bridezila show. Ask them if they'd rather you act like that. I'm sorry people are being hurtful; that's really unkind!
I think it hurts the most when you are being anything BUT a bridezilla and they still (jokingly or not jokingly) call you bridezilla. That's how I feel. When I first got engaged, I wasn't as this sensitive, but now, if I ever even mention any of my PREFERENCE or if I spend a lot of time researching on wedding inspirations, some people (especially my mother) would make comments like I am being difficult and hence a bridezilla. It's unfair and insensitive, since I have barely made any decisions and have catered to what other people would like for my wedding that sometimes I don't even feel like it's my wedding.
So sorry you are going through it, too. I don't think you are being too sensitve.
bridzilla jokes didnt' used to bother me intill i had an encounter with a bridzilla known as drunkzilla. Since then i take it as an insult because no way in the world would i ever be as mean or as crude as this bridzilla was to me.
I think its annoying more than anything else. I hate it the most when we first got engaged and a couple friends were like "oh you will be totaly bridezilla"... i was so confused. I actually think im pretty laidback!
Right after we got engaged, the fiance said something about "bridezilla" in a joke, and I IMMEDIATELY got upset and looked him straight in the eye and told him that for the next year and a half (the length of our engagement), he was NOT allowed to say that word to me. That put a kabash on the "bridezilla" comments at home.
My sister said it to me once, but I brushed it off, as I am being MORE than generous with bridesmaids dresses, picks of flowers, planning, etc. Plus, she's going through that "I'm a young twenty-soemthing and I think I know everything in the entire world" phase.
Still, I hate the word because it's associated with that show with the screaming crazy whack-a-doos.
Boo, I don't like when anyone calls someone a bridezilla...even jokingly! Follow your head and your heart---you know what's best for you guys. People are only going to say the word because it's part of the wedding culture/vocabulary right now. I'm sure your wedding will be wonderful!
Nobody has called me a bridezilla but they make comments like "oh you will be a bridezilla, I can tell". I try to ignore it because it annoying and offensive to me personally. I just smirk and tell them I'm too laid back to worry about freaking out about things.
OMG! I went thru the same thing!
I had to tell people all the time that it wasn't ok to joke like that and it was really rude and hurtful. Eventually they stopped
Most of the time I think people just didn't "get it". They thought it was funny and they were just being silly....but to a bride who is reall stressed out...it felt like huge slap in the face.
you are not alone in feeling like this. I was teased A LOT during my engagement and it really hurt.
Ugh, I had to deal with this, too, during my engagement and wedding planning. Any little thing that you want to have your way (and sheesh, why would you want to have things your way on your wedding day?) and people feel like they can throw around the "b" word. Joking or not, it's hurtful. I'd put my foot down when someone calls you a bridezilla.
so annoying! my bridesmaid jokes all the time that i'm like that (so untrue, i'm a pushover and non-confrontational!). she is bossy though, so we all call her "bridesMAIDzilla" when she teases me :)
watch out, though, there could be underlying issues of jealousy involved when its girlfriends, so be sensitive
I am high mantainance. So honestly, bridezilla comments make me laugh because it's kind of true. Don't take it to heart. I don't. Which bride doesn't become a little uptight about her big day?
I am totally confused by your friends and family's logic in calling you a bridezilla! To me, that is to totally out-of-control crazy bride who throws a fit because one of her centerpieces is missing a flower or some such nonsense. As my fiance and I are paying for the wedding 100% ourselves, we are also budget concious, and I made a lot of decisions similar to yours. But to call you a bridezilla? Its a little bizarre, I think!
Chances are, "bridezilla" is just the new fad word of the day and they don't even realize the actualy meaning of the term. Don't feel bad for making those decisions about your wedding. They sound like a great way to save some money. I am making my own bouquets as well :)
I'm a practical bride. I don't have tons of money to spend on my wedding and we are paying for our own. Some people can say that I'm a bridezilla because I want things a certain way. There's nothing wrong with with that. I know what I want and how I want it. (I'm open to people suggestions too) This is my budget so I have to make sure things stay within my budget. There's a lot a details that I have to figure out and I have to be clear on those details. That's all it is.
Also, when I think of bridezilla, I think of some bride who wants a vera wang gown and her parents are paying for it and even after all of that, it's still not good enough.
I guess what I'm saying is everyone has their own idea of what a bridezilla is. It differs from person to person. So when people use that term, I think it's stupid. Also, I hate when people use that term that don't even know the process of planning a wedding. It's stressfull, it's a lot of work and sometimes people use it like an everyday word. The word is so relative. It would be better if people don't even use it.
I do agree with the post about showing the tv show to the family members and show that that your not that bad.
I agree with a few above posters - its hurtful to some degree regardless of the intent or situation. Ask them nicely to refrain from using that word. I think it should be banned!
Yah, (sigh) what can you do? I don't laugh at those 'jokes' either but being GRACEFUL about their insensitive comments is greater proof that you are NOT what they say. (Grace= just let it go knowing their misdoing) Here's your chance to practice LOVE like no other... :)
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Is anyone else being teased by loved ones about being a "Bridezilla"? I'm really starting to become hurt by all of the jokes being thrown my way and I'm not sure if I'm just being too sensitive. Do people really believe that calling someone a "bridezilla" is appropriate?
I'm trying to have a really small wedding with no extra parties or showers, on a self-imposed small budget. With the economy the way it is, I felt as though this would be welcomed by everyone and I thought people would support my thrifty-ness but instead people are calling me a "bridezilla".
Should I just keep laughing along with the jokes (while wanting to cry inside) or stand up for myself?
Does not taking people's suggestions to do X Y and Z when simple X is good for me, make me a "bridezilla"?
Has anyone else felt this way?