(Closed) “Bridezilla” jokes hurtful? Or is it just me?

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1019 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

I haven’t had anyone call me this, but I would be hurt if they did! It doesn’t sound like you are anything like a Bridezilla! If the people teasing you are close friends and family, I would let them know that it makes you feel badly when they call you that. Explain that while you love and appreciate ther suggestions, you are trying to be budget-wise and not go overboard.

 

((hugs!))

Post # 4
Member
1084 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Seems like a Catch-22.  If you say something and they’re in a teasing mood they’ll just have more ammunition. 

I was a bit like oh I don’t need this and I don’t need that (or sometimes want) but that’s the tricky things with gifts, it’s a bit hard to politely refuse, not impossible, but even if the gift is a wedding shower, someones trying to do something for you (even if they’re not taking into consideration what you want), so I think it just makes them more sensitive too to here refusal.  I donno, there were some things that I just kept saying I don’t want, like the limo, but other things like the bridal shower I knew was important to my mom, and ended up being a lot of fun, so I just stopped saying oh I don’t want it and went with it.   

Post # 5
Member
3526 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Within my close friends and family we joke and call me Bridezilla, I call myself Bridezilla Chink on my blog! But that’s within my close friends and family and I know they really don’t think I am a Bridezilla. But when other people like coworkers, even ones who I am friends with, call me Bridezilla -jokingly- it does offend me a bit.
I say if it’s hurting you then you should say something. Let them know that you know they are kidding but it hurts you. And hopefully they will stop. *hugs*!

Post # 6
Member
7976 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I don’t mean this comment to sound mean, so please, don’t take it that way (I realize it could sound like it), but sometimes jokes are made with a basis, deep down, in truth. Is it possible that your family and friends are reacting to the way you’ve been running plans?

If I were in your situation, especially if a few people in particular were making the same kind of joke repeatedly, I would sit down with them and ask something like, “You know, you tease me a lot about being a bridezilla. Do you really think I’m being too particular about the wedding?” Of course, if it were me, I’d genuinely want to know, and would expect a fully honest answer.

I’m finding that being on a budget (not self imposed) means I often have to be willing to compromise – so I’m embracing that, and seeing where the plans take me (us, really, since J is all for helping me plan). If you’re being very frugal but still pretty particular about the details, people might have trouble understanding why you’re limiting yourself when you could spend more.

Really though, it’s hard to know without knowing more about your situation. 🙂 I could hypothesize all day and never hit the nail on the head.

 

Post # 8
Member
1084 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Yeah, if you’re paying for it and it’s a suggestion and not a gift that’s a diff story, it’s your decision, it definately helps bring out assertiveness in a wedding.  I also got lots of slack for doing DIY bouquets, even with other people paying, and I had never done them before so it wasn’t like I was completely confident, and it irritated me to be called stubborn and unreasonable but for me I just ignored it or laughed it off, agreeing that everything would be a disaster and I’d walk down the aisle with dead flowers in my hand (while being irritated inside).  So I donno for me I just ignored it, though I did once exclaim ‘you’re supposed to be nice to the bride!’, but I did what I wanted if I was sure about it, when it worked out everyone just moved on and chalked it up to wedding nonsense.

Post # 9
Member
1048 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2009 - City Hall

Yeah, people called me a bridezilla too. For really dumb reasons! It’s was kind of hurtful, but I tried to just let it roll off (instead of flipping my lid and looking even more ‘bridezilla-y’…

Post # 10
Member
2280 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

If you know they’re just joking, I wouldn’t worry about it and tell them to lay off (or they’re off the guest list…no free food and entertainment for the peanut gallery! 😛 )

There do seem to be people who automatically associate anything different with irrational, demanding bridezillaness. “Oh, your wedding isn’t going to be completely forgettable and average? BRIDEZILLA! You’re putting thought, time, and energy into this project? BRIDEZILLA! You are SPENDING MONEY on your wedding day in ANY capacity? BRIDE.ZILLA. You’re excited to get married and talk about your wedding plans with me? BRIDEZILLA!!!!” Some people are never happy!

That sort of harassment is why I plan on keeping wedding plans between myself, my future FI, and those directly involved, and only as needed. I guess if they don’t stop, you just have to stop the wedding talk around them. Don’t let them know what you’re doing and see how they react then, haha.

Post # 11
Member
6 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@<span style=”font-size: x-small; color: #81a026;”>worldtrekkerbride: I dont’ think you’re being unreasonable just from what you’ve posted here.  I admire you prioritizing your home and finances over debt and a huge wedding!  It’s so easy for everyone to spend your money for you when it comes to the big day. 

My brother got married to a wonderful woman a few years ago and she and I joke with each other all the time.  During their engagement, I called her ‘bridezilla” when we were going back & forth one day; she laughed and I didn’t think anything of it.  The next time we talked, she quietly asked me if I really thought she was being unreasonable.  I didn’t at all!! 

What I think people might not get when they throw that word around is how PERSONAL all of the plans we make for the wedding are to us.  Someone putting this much thought and detail into their education is not called “studentzilla” at the drop of a hat; and someone purchasing a new home isn’t instantly a “housezilla”.  While Bridezillas certainly DO exist, I personally think that the word is grossly overused and is now what people say to future brides when they can’t think of anything else.  

If it’s still bothering you, I would go with daydreamwanderer’s suggestion of talking seriously to your close family & friends about this–not as they’re teasing you but at a time when you can bring it up seriously.  It’s clearly your call how much you want to explain/justify your decisions to them.  Hopefully once you hear them out and talk to them about why the decisions you’re making are important to you, they’ll feel a bit more included and back off. 

Post # 12
Member
3098 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

Maybe they don’t understand the definition of the word “bridezilla”, because from what you’re saying, you certainly haven’t been one. Have they watched the show?

Post # 13
Member
1757 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I somewhat think that a lot of people don’t realize how offensive the Bridezilla label can be, even if it’s used in jest. Sit down with the people “teasing” you and let them know that it’s hurtful. Planning a wedding can be stressful enough, without having to censor everything you say and do!

Post # 14
Member
101 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

That’s weird that people are saying that to you.  Personally, I think people use the bridezilla term too much.  They use it if they want to shut you down.  Because, really, what can you say after someone says that?  If you deny it, they’ll just call you bridezilla for denying it. I consider it essentially like calling someone a b!tch.   It can be a way to attack you for expressing yourself.

I also think there are also some people who say it because it’s kind of fun to say.  They think they’re being funny. During the wedding planning, my FI called me a bridezilla all the time as a joke.  Didn’t bother me because I knew he was being ironic. 

Since I don’t know you or your people I can’t say why they are saying it, but if I were you, I would just laugh it off and make a joke of it.  Own it!  I find that to be the best way to deter insults.  If it doesn’t affect you, then people won’t say it anymore (I learned this in high school, heh).

It doesn’t sound like anything you are doing falls into the true bridezilla category.

Post # 15
Member
5273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I think people search for something to say about brides “loosing control” the show has gained popularity becuase people think bride’s are nutty! But just as some are, some arn’t. It does suck that just becasue you don’t take up every single suggestion that someone has that your seen as a “bridezilla.” It’s like they saying “ooohhh watch out, this bride has an opinion!” LOL

Post # 16
Member
685 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Ever heard the expression “The road to hell is paved with good intentions?”  In my opinion, this is probably the best way I can describe your situation.

While you have had nothing but good intentions I think that somwhere along the way, people may have seen some of your planning to be self-centred.  I’m not trying to mean, because I too have been accused of planning without taking others into consideration.  I have learned that whether you like it or not, wedding planning must be a group effort.  Sounds corny, I know, but I think people can’t help but grow feelings of resentfulness if their suggestions and ideas are not being taken into consideration.  Again, I know it sucks and it must feel like crap knowing others feel this way despite you acting in a manner that would make life easier for others.

Then again, as daydreamwanderer has said, this is all a hypothesis on my part.  Maybe it’s just a case of people outside the wedding planning mode not fully understanding the connotation behind Bridezilla.

I just wanted to let you know I admire you for sticking to your plans.

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