Post # 1
I am graduating college in a week and moving from North Dakota to California where I landed a job… just one problem my life, friends, everything is back in North Dakota I am standing up in 2 weddings (one for an old roomie [Shannon] and another for a cousin [Hope]). Hope has been totally understanding that I can’t afford to fly back for every single event, as long as I’m at the wedding.
Shannon on the other hand has been a nightmare since I found out about getting the job, she hasn’t even congratulated me and doesn’t seem happy for me at all… but all she ever talks about is her wedding. She is barely speaking to me because I told her I can only come back for one event besides the wedding and I told her she could pick what one she wants me at so she picked one of her bridal showers and I booked my flight right away ($682–ouch) and she does not even appreciate that I have to take time off work and spend a ton of money to be there for her. She is so self absorbed she doesn’t see anything or care about anything besides herself. She told me she would give me money for my dress and to come back for the other shower and bachelorette party… I told her that I appreciated her offer but $110 for a dress compared to $1500 worth of airline tickets doesn’t make much of a difference. I just can’t seem to please her and I don’t know what to do anymore. Shannon isn’t the friend I know anymore and the other bridesmaids [mutual friends] agree.
On top of that she is totally bashing Hope’s wedding. They have only met a few times when Hope has come to visit me at college. That is my FAMILY and it is really pissing me off the way she is talking about my cousin!
Please help me, I am at the point where the things Shannon is saying are too vulgar to repeat and I don’t want to stand up in her wedding anymore or even be her friend
Post # 3
Ugh, it sucks, but weddings can bring out the worst in people. Have you tried explaining to Shannon how expensive the flights are? If you’re ready to back out, tell her how expensive things are, and how you can’t give the appropriate time to her wedding because of your new job and the distance, on top of very expensive flights back and forth. Tell her you’d understand if she’d just want you there as a guest, rather than a Bridesmaid or Best Man, and give her the option of agreeing with you.
I’m sorry you’re going through this! Congratulations on graduation and your new job!
Post # 4
Thank you! I explained to Shannon about costs of everything and told her I would understand if she would want me there just as a guest not a Bridesmaid or Best Man and she got very upset. She said “I asked you to be in my wedding because I want you there. You said yes and I expect you to be there for the events. Maybe you shouldn’t stand up in Hope’s because I asked you first”. I see where she is coming from but she still isn’t being understanding by asking me to choose between her and my cousin.
Post # 5
@KatrinaLane: I am so sorry you have to deal with this! In my opinion I don’t care if my best bud is planning her wedding – no true friend would treat you that way. I have heard of women before who have been so horrible to their BM’s that they lose them all as friends. It’s sad, but at the end of the day it’s just a wedding! There’s no need for her nastiness.
If it were me I probably wouldn’t be a Bridesmaid or Best Man. But only you can make that choice, you have to weigh up how important your friendship is now. It may have been different years ago, but what matters is now.
Hope that helps!! 🙂
Post # 6
Thank you Louise, I almost wish I hadn’t said yes to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man. Especially after she told me to choose between her and Hope. No true friend would ever say such a thing. I told her I wasn’t going to pick between them, it is so childish. Now Shannon isn’t even returning my calls/facebook messages/texts and she has posted some really nasty comments on facebook about me. I wish I had not already purchased tickets for the shower and actual wedding because I don’t believe she is the friend I thought she was and I don’t see her as a real friend after all that has happened.
On top of that, my car was keyed today with the words “Bitch” on my driver side door… I don’t want to accuse Shannon but I think it is just odd that it happened at the same time as she has been posting things on facebook calling me that too. She is the only friend I’m having any issues with. How do I address this issue?