Bridezilla or no: You be the judge

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
484 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@CantWait9516:  To answer your question:

You are Sort of a bridezilla….

You have two options the way I see it. Have your *perfect* honeymoon which  you pay for yourself

or

Have a *good* honeymoon, paid for by your family.

Complaining about anything other than those is making you a bridezilla.

I get the disappointment in thinking you were going to the the *perfect* spot paid for, but his dad made a mistake. Being upset to the point it is causing a rift IS being a bridezilla. If you just said “welp, that sucks, but lets do…..” then, no you were just expressing your disappointment….

Post # 5
Member
243 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Still almost a year out? You have plenty of time to find a beautiful, serene place to spend your honeymoon. Relax. If someone had messed up reservations a month before you’d have a right to be pissed, but not months and months out… especially when they’re offering to pay for it.

Also, there is no “perfect” spot. Everything will have issues (weather was our problem) — but that’s not really the point, right? You’ll be celebrating with your new husband at a beautiful and extravagantt venue (it sounds like), so relax and be excited, whatever it is.

It may not be perfect (nothing this side of Heaven is) but it WILL be lovely if you let yourself enjoy it!

Post # 6
Member
4760 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@CantWait9516:  I don’t think you’re being a bridzilla.  I think bridezillas are people who demand too much of others.

You were given a gift that didn’t exist.  You didn’t look a gifted horse in the mouth becasue there wasn’t a horse’s mouth to look at!

Unless they have given you the money to spend on your HM, I wouldn’t bet that they will give you what they’ve promised the second time around.  Work within your budget.  If they end up paying for it great, if not you will still have a HM.

I’ve read about many situations like this on WB where parents offer to pay for something so kid splurges and when times comes there is no money to be seen, so watch out.

Post # 7
Member
8426 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@CantWait9516:  I think it depends on how you define “bridezilla.”  I define it as someone who makes a really big deal out of a first world problem.  You are angry at someone who has offered to pay for your honeymoon because he didn’t follow up on something a year out.  That definitely qualifies as a bridezilla moment to me.

Post # 8
Member
823 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

My personal feelings are that the word “dream” should be removed from the English language as it sets up a lot of expectations that most times cannot be met.  Especially with weddings – how often do we hear the terms “dream wedding”, “dream e-ring”, “dream honeymoon”.  You cannot help but be disappointed!

 

Rant over.  OP – yeah, sorry to say, you did sound a bit bridezilla to me.

 

You ask how to keep yourself in check and lot let your inner bridezilla rear it’s ugly head?  Well, you go into things knowing that SOMETHING will go wrong.  You do the best you can with the details, but know that nothing ever goes according to plan 100%.  I found out last week my venue had double booked us – we’re getting married this December.  Instead of freaking out and jumping up and down demanding someone’s head be on a platter, we were able find another place that same day.  Granted that pushed the wedding up 3 weeks – again I could be upset about that, but I’m just going with the flow.

 

I sometimes think the more time you plan the worse it is.  One of my best friends got married in July after almost a year of planning and she had many bridezilla moments.  With only 4 months for me, I have less options than if I had more time – which is actually a good thing – because then I cannot second guess things or overthink things.

 

Find a destination within your budget.  The important thing is spending time with your FH, not where you will go.

 

Post # 9
Member
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

@CantWait9516:  First of all, I’m sorry to hear about your situation.  I don’t know you very well but I don’t think you are being a bridezilla.  You and your FI get one day, it’s supposed to be a special day, and why wouldn’t you want everything to be ‘just so’?

As for your FI…I think he should be more helpful in talking to his family.  I get along great with my FIL’s..however, talking about money and trying to get what you want doesn’t sound like an easy conversation to have and you would think he would talk to his parents about it.

Idea:  My SO’s brother and sil were unable to afford the honeymoon they wanted.  So, her parents let them use their timeshare, they were able to still have a little vacation directly after their wedding, and they plan to have a real honeymood on their one year anniversary.  It might not be completely what you want but at least this way you can still have a nice vacation after your wedding to relax and celebrate and then have your dream vacation a year later. 

Good Luck!

Post # 10
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@CantWait9516:  Maybe overall you aren’t a bridezilla, but I defiitely think you had a moment. There were two very generous offers on the table. One didn’t pan out, and you can either be resentful about it and ruin your own wedding and honeymoon (yes, you will keep looking back on these “memoeries” as bad ones becuase you are the one making the big deal) OR you could take the generous offer your in laws gave you and go somewhere just as good and have a great time with your hubby.

You are being too material with this. This is about you and your husband, and you are pretty much overanalyzing everything and makingit a bigger deal than it needs to be. You are still a year out. At this rate, you are going to stress yourself to the point where you really won’t be able to enjoy anything because nothing will turn out picture perfect that way you wanted it. Is that how you want to remember your wedding? And honeymoon? And start off you r marriage with the man you love?

Post # 11
Member
8708 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Any honeymoon you have will be a “dream” honeymoon. The way I see it is, you were offered a very generous gift. It sucks the first one didn’t come true, and you still have nearly a year til your honeymoon. You’ll find something.

 

At this point, find a place you want to go. Surely there can’t be just one place you’ve ever wanted to go in your life. Even if you can’t find a private residence somewhere, find a nice hotel or inn. Bed and Breakfasts can provide amazing memories, and you’ll be making amazing memories anywhere you go. If you only reach for your “dream” anything you’re only setting yourself up to be disappointed. I’m a fan of the “fake it til you make it” mindset. Sure, the place you go may not be your “dream” but it will be your honeymoon. You can’t remember memories about the “dream honeymoon you never had”, because you’ll be having memories of the honeymoon you did that later took over your dreams.

Find somewhere nice. Stop stressing about the things you cannot change.

Post # 12
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

We booked our honeymoon 3 months before the wedding! And definitely didn’t have an issue with finding hotels or flights or anything.

But I don’t think you’re being a Bridezilla. I would also plan on paying for the honeymoon yourself, just incase that happens again!

Post # 13
Member
250 posts
Helper bee

I think you need to apologize to your FI and his family for your behavior.  They are giving you a gift so all you should be saying is thank you. Where ever you go you will be with your husband. Honestly get on Livingsocial or groupon and keep an eye out for great desitination packages and then if it is within the budget of what they are gifting you send it over to them or if you have it worked out where they are paying you back book it. You will forever be considered the spoilt and ungrateful DIL otherwise.

Post # 14
Member
325 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Genuinely curious- Do you know how timeshares work? My BF and his mom own a couple of timeshares that we use every year. If you PM me, I can try to give you some advice on using a timeshare program.

 

Post # 15
Member
272 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Sweety – you are stressed. I promise you don’t want to hear from other bee’s that you’re behaving like a bridezilla (I personally don’t think you’re being awful) – I think it’s being forgotten that you ended your post with “How do you keep yourself in check and not go ballistic on everyone around you? How do I ensure the inner-bridezilla doesn’t rear her ugly head again?”

You’ve already recognized that you’re not a fan of your response and are looking for proactive ways to prevent it from happening again. When we’re stressed, things that seem to be a big deal, later aren’t. After a series of disappointments (having vendor cancellations etc) I was at the point of tears when my lovely fiance pointed out that it will all work out. That at the end of the day, we will be married and will have a lifetime to create even more memories. I’ve also learned that expectations are a definition for heart ache. 


When you feel that overwhelming surge of disappointment, turn your attention on something else. Give yourself 24 hours before you open your mouth about it….you’ll have a cooler head and will be more rational. Or – come vent about it here Laughing As for right now – go get a pedi, relax and start planning your 5 year anniversary to your dream honeymoon desitination 🙂


Post # 16
Member
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Ya first world problem for sure…

And sorry, but you did as they say “bite the hand that feeds you” in this situation, so I agree you owe the Inlaws an apology for your being not gracious

Seriously… no one owes anyone anything… especially not a Honeymoon

(Do you have any idea how many Brides come on WBee filled with sadness cause they can’t just have a “dream” Honeymoon… they cannot afford a Honeymoon at all… for some Couples even budgeting for one night in a “few star” hotel let alone a Lux Resort is a struggle)

And here you are… complaining while someone is quite willing to pay the whole freight for your Honeymoon.

Hubby-2B was right, you are acting like a bit of a Bridezilla / Brat in this particular situation.

Lol, that doesn’t mean you will continue to do so

Obviously by writing this post you are pretty aware of a “slip” on your behalf

As I say you have to make this right with the Inlaws

As for the rest of it, I wouldn’t stress tooo much.  Your WBEE PROFILE says you are due to Marry in August 2014, that is almost a year away.  A lot of things could change between now and then… and you might find some great deal in that timeframe or your research.

If you are feeling stressed now 10 months out… things will get a lot worse for you in the months to come when things truly get hectic.

So you need to step back and breathe… and figure out how you are going to manage the stress that is still to come your way thru the Planning Process

I promise in the end EVERYTHING will come together and be ok…

Ya just gotta hang in there  (( HUGS ))

Hope this helps,

 

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