Post # 1
My Bridesmaid or Best Man, who has been nightmareish in the past, has recently decided to get married a month before me because she is having a baby just days before my wedding. I had no problem with it, it was going to be a small wedding and I was one of two bridesmaids. But in the recent couple weeks the wedding party and the wedding has grown to a large number. still ok. But now she wanted to use some of my ideas that I found for my wedding (guestbook, etc to add some uniqueness) and when I told her I didnt want her to because I wanted things at my wedding that no one else I knew had, She got snotty and acted like I was a bad person for not sharing. Then she tells me her family was looking into changing caterer and reception venue due to costs and her growing guest list. That was fine with me until she said they were looking at the same venue I had already booked for mine. My fiance and I both are against this, especially because I am in the wedding party and she was thinking of using similar decorations and to me this would ruin my reception for me. So I asked her nicely not to do it there and gave her many options of other beautiful sites. She told me she wouldnt but then called me bridezilla! I dont think thats a bridezilla thing, and my fiance certainly doesnt because he feels the same. Am I not seeing something? Wouldnt you feel like it ruined your wedding day/reception if you had to participate in a wedding and go to the same location and see a lot of the same decor just a month earlier?? I just needed to get this out because Ive finally hit a breaking point with her
Post # 3
I don’t think you’re being a bridezilla. Personally I have spent a lot of time and research into planning the wedding, and I can promise Fiance would be upset if a close friend decided to do that. Is it a popular venue? Maybe it’s already booked (fingers crossed!)
Post # 4
- Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School
I would be upset as well but unfortunately, it’s ultimately her decision, which sucks…Do you guys have a lot of cross-over guests?? If there’s only a few who would be attending both, then it won’t be such a big deal but if there’s a lot, then I would def be pissed…I’m sorry!
Post # 5
Thanks! Its a somewhat popular venue. The Fiance and I have only been to one wedding there and my high school prom was held there years ago. We wont have many cross over guests (which was part of her argument) but its more of the fact that I will be there as a Bridesmaid or Best Man and see it set up and if she were to use something like my guestbook idea then I would see everyone enjoying or talking about it (if they like it) and I just dont like that she would be getting all this credit for these fun creative ideas that she really didnt come up with and I did. I think I have successfully steered her towards another venue but it still gets to me
Post # 6
OMG i can TOTALLY relate!! My Future brother and sister in law did the EXACT same thing!!! Their wedding is a couple months before ours, but obviously will have like half the same people… which isnt even the part that bugs me either… it’s that fact that I’ll see practically my own wedding reception just months before mine actually happens. Good luck! We tried everything, talking, reasoning, threatening to change our location and lose a deposit… nothing worked! So now, I’m just sucking it up and it SUCKS because nobody else seems to think it will be a problem!! GOOD LUCK! stay positive… and keep thinking of ways to makes yours more unique!! The benefit I found in it all, and that you can see too… you will be able to see what works and what doesnt, and still have some time to change things if you need to 🙂 pick different foods, change the layout, whatever! yours will be beautiful and perfect, and entirely you and FI! Best of luck!!! (and I know… it sucks!!)
Post # 7
I would be pissed! She’s a biatch ~ sorry.
Post # 8
I can’t blame you for being upset. Ok, if she is pregnant, and wants to get married before the baby, I get it. I’m sure they didn’t plan to have the baby when they did. She’s just trying to do what’s right. But in getting married a month before you, it is very bad ballet to use your ideas.
Is she even in your wedding, with the baby due so close? I’m sorry.
Post # 9
Thanks! Yeah she is still in the wedding. I found Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses I loved then she said she was pregnant and the dress wouldnt look good on someone who may still be pregnant or just had a baby (she wasnt sure the exact due date at that time) and that she didnt want to ruin my wedding pictures. I wanted her in the wedding and she was suppose to be like my second Maid/Matron of Honor so I went to another store and found a dress that also had a maternaty version for her. She plans on being there and said the only way she wont be is if the baby is born within 3 days of the wedding so. My baby sister (she’s 15) is one of 2 jr bm so if she decides she cant be in the wedding then I have someone to take her place (jr bm dresses are the same as reg bm) but she was willing to go buy the dress with that risk
Post # 10
i would be upset also! you spent alot of time on planning your wedding and she shouldnt ruin it!
Post # 11
I can relate to this. It is terrible. It is like you want to cry, get mad and be sick all at the same time.
I have someone who has “asked” or told me they were going to get the same dress, have the wedding the same weekend or slightly before and at the same reception site.
And they always get mad at me when I ask them not to do that. They call me selfish for not sharing. What?!?!
Ugh, I just don’t understand people!! Why do they want to have the same wedding as someone else?!
(sorry for the vent)
Good luck, just take the higher road. There is nothing you can do. Everyone will know that you planned your wedding well in advance of her and will know she copied you.
Post # 12
What was your guestbook idea? Was it something really unique?
I can understand your frustration, especially over the venue, but try to see her side. Speaking from experience, my friends’ wedding was close to ours and I ended up using a lot of similar things to theirs, not because I intentionally copied, but just because we have similar tastes (close friends tend to think alike!). Also, when it comes to weddings, there really isn’t that much room to differ.
Can you try to talk to her about it from a curious friend perspective, rather than the perspective of a bride concerned about her wedding? I have found that things are better received when asked than told. (For example, “Is this venue the one you really want? I feel strange having both of our weddings in the same place.” rather than “You cannot have your wedding there.”)
I am sure the last thing she wants is to upset you and she probably has good intentions. Good luck!
Post # 13
i dont think ur being a bridezilla at all. i think she’s not creative and wants to use all of your ideas, and when you tell her your not okay with it, she resorts to calling you names instead of understanding what it’d be like for her to be in your shoes.
i think you’ve been understanding the entire way. don’t let her make you feel like something you’re clearly not.
Post # 14
Nope, you’re not a bridezilla, maybe she is?? That totally stinks and I’d be pissed too if I were you. SHE’D be pissed if she was in your shoes! Definitely try to talk things out with her…how rude.
Post # 15
I am sorry but that is f**ked up. I would be livid!
Post # 16
I’d be upset. Given her circumstances I think it is ok for her to get married a month before you, but it’s crazy that she wants to use the same venue, decorations etc. Tell her to get her own ideas!