Bring husband to first appt with Midwife?

posted 3 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 3
Member
3013 posts
Sugar bee

@fresitachulita:  personally I don’t understand when people drag their husband to every appt. my SO came for the 12w NT scan and then the ob appt right after. The first thing she aske was my pre preg weight and I decided that as a grown up I really don’t need him there with me. We had a big appt at 21w to look at baby’s heart and I had him come to that because I was worried. Other than an ultrasound if he wants, no more appts for him. 

Short answer: I wouldn’t have him come to the first one. the appts are routine & generally short. Unless you have an issue or serious concerns I would stick to having him at ultrasounds. 

Post # 5
Member
728 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

My husband came to the first appointment where we heard the heartbeat. The nurse didn’t ask any super probing questions during the initial talking part of the appointment since I had already answered them at my first appointment. She first had us listen to the heartbeat together then left a gown on the table and told me to change and told DH he can stay if he wants or he can go to the waiting room if he would be more comfortable. He ended up staying in the room while she did a pelvic exam and a breast exam. She didn’t do a PAP because of my age and when I had my last one, but had to do BV and Yeast cultures because of my history with them. We discussed my BV and Yeast history, but DH knows all about it. DH and I are very open about everything. That’s just the way we are.

I would say you should definitely bring him to hear the heartbeat. He can wait in the waiting room and just come into the room for that part. 

Post # 6
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@fresitachulita:  my husband comes to every appointment because he wants to. I have told him he only has to go to big ones but he looked so offended when I said that and told me he wants to go so that’s fine by me. He came to first appointment of course and I had an u/s and pap And all the general check up stuff. I’m sure I could have asked him to leave but neither of us were uncomfortable with him being in there for all of it. So whatever you two are comfortable with is what’s best!

Post # 7
Member
2627 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

If he wants to come to meet the midwife (which I do think is a valid reason for bringing him so he can have a chance to ask questions) and to hear the heartbeat I think then he should go.

Then you simply ask him to step outside for any part of the exam you dont want him there for. I had to have a transvaginal U/S beacuse of baby’s positioning so I asked hiim to leave.

As a high risk patient I have had lots of U/S and extra appts and DH has only come to a few and stepped out at anything other than the fun stuff

  • second meeting with the OB to hear heartbeat
  • First dating U/S
  • Genetic counselor and high risk team first apt
  • I think there was another he came to that included a growth U/S (which for me I get all the time so its not so uncommon) because he wanted to see the baby older
  • hell come to one more before I deliver likely, but not sure.

Post # 8
Member
415 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@fresitachulita:  Eh, I brought my husband to my first midwife appt. I’m not sure what your midwife has planned but my first appt was more general discussion about pregnancy symptoms, plans for birthing, the options I’d have over the term of her care, giving me scripts for blood tests, organising my first ultra sound, etc. Nothing gory at all. My midwife has never done a pap or a cervical check. Now that I’m further along there’s measurements, doppler, blood pressure and the ordering of various tests as required but it’s not overly gynecological in nature at all.

My midwife group insisted that it was important to have your partner with you at all the appointments if they were able.

Post # 9
Member
1021 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

I would call your midwife and ask them what to expect in the first appointment. Then you can make an informed decision.

My first appointment, DH came with me. They did a pap but told him to stay in the waiting room for it. When it was time for the ultrasound, they brought him back. I brought my mom (no DH) to my 2nd appointment where they also did an ultrasound and that was a very special bonding moment for us. My DH came to our NT scan, and that was the last appointment he’s been to. I didn’t have him come to the Anatomy scan because we’re team green and weren’t finding out the gender, but now I kinda wish he was there because it was very cool to see all of the developed body parts and I think he would have liked it.

All of my other appointments are literally 5 minutes long. They consist of: pee in a cup, have my weight and blood pressure taken, Dr takes fundal height measurements and listens to heartbeat, and that’s it.

No reason for DH to miss work and drive 45 minutes out of his way for any of that.

But I guess to each his own….

PS – Your first few ultrasounds might be transvaginal, so if you are weird about getting a pelvic around him, it might be awkward to have the Dr shove a wand up your vadge with him in the room as well. Just food for thought!

Post # 10
Member
3013 posts
Sugar bee

@canadablue:  interesting- all the appts??? Granted I go biweekly bc I am high risk. Most of my appts are “how is everything? Listen to heart beat, pee in cup, discuss appts I’ve had with other specialists and then see you in 2 weeks.” I can’t imagine having my SO take a half day for that! I’m also a super independent person- so I am very accustomed to doing things on my own. Not a criticism! Just surprised they actively encourage it!

Post # 11
Member
7262 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

DH has been to all of the appointments so far, except he’s missing the next one because he has to work. I like having him there with me. He makes me feel calm and asks the doctor questions I sometimes forget about. He’s an EMT, so he’s much more used to the medical setting than I am. We’re also very open with each other, so having him in the room during a pap wasn’t weird to me. I think it just depends on the couple and what they’re comfortable with.

Post # 12
doilyMember
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Father's Vineyard Church/ A Touch of Class Banquet Center

If there is not going to be a doppler or an ultrasound (you can call ahead to confirm), then probably not. I did not call ahead and poor hubby had to sit through an appointment full of talking about the do’s and don’ts of pregnancy and basically just sat there. I didn’t bring him to another appointment until my 18 week one, when I knew there would be an ultrasound and we would find out the gender of the baby. He is also going to go to the 34 week appointment with me since there is a growth scan, and 36 weeks when I have my final growth scan and we will talk about delivery. Other than that, I just take myself 🙂

Post # 13
Member
253 posts
Helper bee

@fresitachulita:  I had my boyfriend (who is going to be my husband) come with me to the gyno and he was there for the whole thing. I wasnt asked embarassing questions but he was there for the pap. Surprisingly, it made us closer, was no big deal. If hes your husband and hes gonna be there for the delivery, might as well start somewhere.

Post # 14
Member
2884 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

My husband has come to all my appointments but basically for two reasons

– my first doctor didnt speak english, and my spanish is shaky (i live in mexico) so i needed to make sure i wouldnt miss any vital info. the new one now does speak english but my husband likes to come

– here they do an ultrasound every single month, and he doesnt want to miss seeing the progression of ‘frijolito’. it helps him feel involved

hes even come to the lab with me for blood tests as im a bit pathetic and they creep me out haha. i havent had a pap smear or vaginal ultrasound, i might not want him there for those 🙂

in your situation i probably wouldnt bring him though

Post # 15
Member
1311 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@fresitachulita:  YES!! in my experience the examinations usually happen in a different room, so he doesnt’ have to join you for that part. The more involved he can be in learning, making decisions and being a part of it, the better! my partner has come to every visit except one and it’s been great

Post # 16
cherrypieBee
1059 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2008 - A tiny town just outside of Glacier National Park

There’s no reason you have to bring him if you feel uncomfortable. That being said, he might really want to be there despite the subject matter. I would start preparing yourself to be more vulnerable with him about these touchy subjects, as pregnancy — and especially childbirth!! — is a messy and sensitive time. You’ll also be preparing yourself well to communicate openly abour post-pregnancy issues, both regarding yourself, and the baby. It’s a good time to train in sharing more and being less squeamish together! You’re going to come face to face with a lot of “icky” things, and having an openness and sense of humor about them will serve you both well as spouses and parents.

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