Post # 1
My brother-in-law (DH’s brother) got married last year to a girl whose family lives 3 hours away from us. Brother-in-law and new wife live in NYC and are expecting their first baby at the end of October. Darling Husband and I had a baby in June. Brother-in-law’s wife’s family holds a giant Thanksgiving get-together at their place every year in a house that is not really quite big enough to accomodate so many people. We went last year and it was crowded as hell. I didn’t enjoy myself just because of how many people were there and also I didn’t know anybody. They are mostly older people my parents’ age anyways. Well, because Thanksgiving is a short holiday, Brother-in-law and wife are only going to visit her family so if my mother-in-law wants to see her new grandson, she needs to join them at this get-together 3 hours away. Darling Husband and I don’t really want to go anyways, but especially because I don’t want to expose my baby to so many people around flu season. I honestly don’t know why my brother-in-law and his wife are going to risk bringing their one month old to this thing, they are crazy. The only reason I’m considering it is because my mother-in-law said it would be nice to get pictures of the two babies together. Yes it would. But we will also see them at Christmas so we could just get pictures then. What do you all think???
Post # 2
I’d go with your gut. I was beyond paranoid with my babies until they were over a year old. I didn’t like people touching and kissing my babies-which is what you need to look out for. Your baby will only be 5 months old, I agree this is too young to be exposed to all those people.
A word of advice; my son is a cancer survivor. He had multiple chemos right after his first birthday. He didn’t have the physical symptoms usually associated (no hair loss, or weight loss, he didn’t “look” sick), but his immune system was still compromised. So, I basically had to play gatekeeper to my baby. I learned to stand firm, and say no a lot. I had no shame in asking people to wash their hands, or to keep their distance if they were sick.
I realize its slightly different for you, but, in case you “can’t” get out of this, because of family expectation, then baby wear, insist on hand washing and be blunt with people. There’s no shame in protecting your baby.
Post # 3
I think you and your Darling Husband decide for your family, and your BIL and his wife decide for their family. And you try not to be judgmental about their decision. It’s not “crazy” to bring a baby to a family gathering. But it’s not crazy to decide not to go if you’re going to have a small baby with you and the house will be very crowded and you won’t enjoy yourself!
Post # 4
My son got the flu at 5 months of age, before he was old enough for the shot (when he was a baby, you had to be 6 months old). It was horrible. I would do anything to avoid the flu.
Post # 5
I agree with Jijitattoo … It would be perfectly fine for you to take your baby, but it’s also perfectly acceptable to not go bc of your concerns. Do what you think is right and don’t worry about what others think. I brought my 3 month old to a wedding bc it was close family n we would have felt bad for not going but I was very strict and I didn’t let anyone hold him and he stayed in his carrier on me pretty much the whole time except to eat. If you go just stick to your guns and say no to ppl holding your baby. On the contrary I didn’t go to a family birthday party bc I was worried my LO would get sick bc he was already feeling a ill bad. You have to decide for your family if it’s important to you to go don’t worry an anyone else.
Post # 6
NewYearsEve: I think it’s probably best we don’t go. I would have a hard time constantly telling people not to touch the baby. I mean, why even bring her then?
Jijitattoo: Ok, ok, they’re not CRAZY.
Post # 7
I would probably wait until Christmas for 2 reasons.
1) A 3/6 total hour drive is a long time for a baby to be in a car. At least mine doesn’t do well with long car rides.
2) I’m overly cautious and that many people around my baby would make me nervous. I’d definitely be worried about germs.
Post # 8
I agree. If you’re not going to have fun and you feel uncomfortable telling people no then don’t go! It was hard to say no to people, but I did just bc I was concerned for my LO. I say u have every right not to go and not to be judged for it. Stand your ground. Good luck.
Post # 9
idoalterations: I wouldn’t go. Babies don’t expire and 3 hours to go visit someone is a really long drive, especially if you live somewhere with bad winter weather. BIL and SIL may feel differently about a large gathering once baby arrives but its SO different for everyone. I had Dirty Delete in February and we didn’t go to any large gatherings after she was born for the first couple of months (st.pattys day pot luck, 6 year olds bday party). I knew if i was at a family event that they’d want to play pass the baby and the thought of that made me feel super uncomfortable. Dirty Delete and i went to a family friends 2y/o bday party when she was 10 weeks old and she HATED it. She hated the noise, all of the people, etc, she cried the moment we walked in. At nearly 7 months old she still doesn’t like big crowds. We just moved away from all family so we don’t have to worry about the large crowds this holiday season but I will be cautious with my Dirty Delete this flu season because I don’t want my little getting super sick if it can be avoided.
Post # 10
My personal opinion is that babies need to be exposed to these things to strengthen their ammune system… I’ve known parents who are afraid of exposing them to these things and their kids are always sick whereas kids who I do see all the time and go out all the time are hardly ever sick. It’s important to expose them unless they have an incureable disease or something, which I don’t think applies here.
It’s definitely your choice but I wouldn’t not go just because you don’t want to expose your baby to the flu which they will get anyway at some point in their life… family is important and life is short so make the best of it regardless of how you think the event will go
Post # 11
I’m that mom who took my babies everywhere early. 1st daughter went to a baseball game at 9 days old. 2nd daughter went to back to school night for her sister at 7 days old. I don’t subscribe to keeping babies cloistered, but if you aren’t comfortable don’t go.
Post # 12
I’m with Jijitattoo: you definitely don’t need to go if you don’t want to, either because you don’t enjoy it or for concerns about baby’s fragile immune system. However, watch that you don’t get judgy about their decision to go. They likely have a much better time at an event like that, since they know everyone and they may want to try to strengthen their baby’s immune system or just aren’t too concerned about the risk for flu. And that’s okay too.
Post # 13
jessica.j.baron: To an extent I agree with you, but I don’t think you should knowingly bring your very young baby into a place that has a high likelyhood of a serious illness.
Not to make you too paranoid, but my son died from a virus when he was only 5 weeks old, and we didn’t even bring him out anywhere. Viruses are very serious to babies, they just don’t have the immune system to fight anything off.
Post # 14
jessica.j.baron: eeniebeans: Oh I agree, I’m definitely no hypochondraic. I never vacuum (and the baby is always on the floor), I don’t sterilize the bottles, and I let the dog lick her in the face. BUT, I do kind of worry about the flu, being that she won’t have had the shot yet. Plus, it would be different if I actually wanted to go to this thing. I’m partially using this as an excuse not to go. Haha.
Post # 15
Sounds like you just don’t want to go. Than don’t go and be upfront with everyone about it. Don’t use your baby like that. Lame.