Post # 1
My brother and my sister-in-law (his wife) have asked me and my fiance individually (on separate occasions) if it is ok to bring their married friends (people that we have said hello to on one or two occasions in the past in unrelated events, but we really do not know each other or have any relationship with) to our wedding. I was personally shocked when I heard this, but they claim that many people have asked them about the same thing when they were getting married, and that their friends have had the same experience. My question is: Is this the norm these days?
I totally understand if a single person would want to have a guest (and we are totally OK with that), but to bring another couple (or two) as your guests to a wedding that the bride and groom do now know?!!!!
Looking forward to your comments.
Post # 3
Let me get this straight – your brother and SIL want to bring guests to your wedding. As in your brother and his wife RSVP for four people?
If I’m understanding correctly, no, it’s not the norm, and frankly, it’s rude.
Post # 4
I had a lot of odd requests when I was planning but this was not one of them. I’d tell them no.
Post # 5
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
No way. Not normal. (A married couple who are friends of ours wanted to bring some friend of theirs, who we’ve met ONCE, to be their DD. Uh, what?!? Not happening.)
Post # 6
- Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo
I’ve never heard of this (irl, at least, I think it’s come up in WB before) and I also think it’s really rude. I hope you said no both times!
Post # 7
No sorry that is ridiculous. This is not the norm. Why would your brother and SIL need their own guests at your wedding. They have each other and your families and family friends to have fun with.
I would just tell them sorry but no.
Post # 8
No that’s not normal. The only request I had similar was for a couple who needed to be driven to our wedding (both cannot drive for health reasons) in which case I let them bring another couple to help them out the day of.
Sounds like your bro & sil just want to party at your expense! Hell. No.
Post # 9
They’ve asked us that they have a few of their friends that have heard about our wedding and would like to attend. So, my SIL asked my fiance last week if that’s OK. My fiance felt that such a request is wierd, and appropritately told her no, that we’d like to have people in our wedding that have a connection to us. Then my brother called last night and asked me the same question. I became very angry and frustrated at him over the phone becuase I see this as a very clear-cut rude and inconsiderate request, and I was shocked that two people that I love so dearly and hold so close to my heart would not see this the same way.
Post # 10
umm no it’s not just a bbq or a party where it would be norm to ask to bring friends. It’s your wedding, which means random people don’t get invited. Don’t listen to them telling you this is normal. Tell them your wedding is for close friends and family and you will not be inviting random couple.
Post # 11
Oh for the love of monkeys, it’s not RUDE. “Rude” is such an over-used word here on the ‘bee. Sheesh. “Rude” means “offensive in nature” and asking to bring some additional guests to a wedding is not offensive, at least in my book. It’s a question, nothing more.
OP the answer to “is this the norm” really depends on a ton of factors including your venue, the level of formality at your wedding, your social circle, and your guests’ previous experiences. Your brother said others asked him the same thing whilst planning his wedding so my guess is, it’s at least somewhat normal in your social circle. But heck, I got some pretty weird questions during my own wedding planning, and just because the question isn’t normal doesn’t mean someone can’t, won’t, or shouldn’t ask it.
If you don’t want these casual acquaintances at your wedding— and there’s no reason you should feel obligated to want them there— a simple, polite No is all it takes.
Post # 12
I would say if these people are not individuals you and your fiance would invite to your wedding than there is no obligation to have them there.
Post # 13
It may not be rude, but it is definitely inconsiderate. Being married already themselves, they should know the stresses that go with budgeting a wedding and the difficulties associated with guest lists.
This is not a social occasion for their circle of friends.
I would say (and repeat as many times as necessary) ” It’s not possible for us to extend invitations to casual acquaintances.”
Post # 14
that is really bizarre. maybe they are swingers?
Post # 15
@fishbone: In my book, it IS rude. You don’t ask to bring additional guests to someone’s wedding…period. It’s rude. We all know that weddings, regardless of size, cost money. It’s no different than your friend telling you they want to take you to dinner for your birthday (their treat) and you decide to bring along extra friends and make them foot the bill.
OP, unfortunatlly behavior like that seems to be becoming more popular these days, as people’s boundaries are definitely not as they used to be. I think it’s perfectly acceptable to let them know that you’ve already finished your guest list, and budgeted accordlingly, and additions just can’t be made.