Post # 1
Hello all, please bear with me, as I’m a newbee (haha, lame joke I know).
Anyways. I am having a wedding that’s not “technically” a destination wedding; most of my fiance’s and my friends are local, as is a few of my family members. However, my fiance’s got some family coming from Ohio to Virginia for our wedding next year, and I may possibly have two family members coming from California. They’re iffy, I really don’t know if they’ll come for sure.
I know that traditional etiquette says that we pay for the cost of hotel rooms for out of town guests. But, my fiance and I are on a really tight budget. I’m going back to school, he’s paying off grad school loans, and we are also trying to save for the honeymoon and a townhouse down the road.
We don’t want to be rude, or look like jerks. But I’m not sure that we can afford hotel rooms if they all come. Is there a way around this so that we don’t offend folks? I totally understand it’s expensive to travel, so I want to be sensitive to folks.
Any ideas or advice at all, would be very welcome!
Post # 2
Oh gosh. I hadn’t heard that etiquette (and have never had that courtesy extended to me either) but I hope it’s no longer expected, b/c FI and I couldn’t afford that either!
Post # 3
Um I don’t think etiquette ever stated you pay for out of town guests hotel rooms.
Post # 4
MakiLadybug@gmail.com: Hi there! I’m in Missouri, and was married in October. Paying for guest hotel rooms isn’t tradition in our area. I had blocks of rooms available at a couple hotels (with a negotiated rate). The OOT guests made reservations and paid for them on their own. I also had OOT bags (boxes, actually!), that we had at the front desk for when they checked in. They all thought it was a nice touch. I’d just to that…I wouldn’t feel obligated to pay for their rooms, and can’t imagine anyone would be offended. 🙂
Post # 5
Traditional etiquette absolutely does NOT require you to pay for the hotel costs of out of town guests.
What traditional etiquette *did* used to require, that most people forget or ignore today, is that you provide accommodations for the wedding party specifically (perhaps only when a wedding is a destination one).
Perhaps you have gotten the two ideas confused?
Post # 6
I think the tradition of paying for your guests’ accommodations is dependent on what cultural/ethnic background you come from. I know from my own culture, it is expected that the bride and groom or their parents pay for all of the out of town family’s lodging. I truly wish it was not so, because this is creating a huge cost in our wedding budget and creating a lot of stress for both of our families.
I am not sure what an alternative is if it is your cultural tradition to pay for accommodations — because I myself would love to know of one! One of the possibilities that my FI and I discussed just the other day is to individually call each of our out of town family guests and let them know personally that we cannot afford to pay for their hotel, that we got them the best rate possible at whatever hotel if they were interested, and that if the cost is too high we would understand if they could not come to our wedding. (But that in it of itself is also creating more chaos because we have to decide who we cannot pay for and who we can).
Either ways good-luck!
Post # 7
MakiLadybug@gmail.com: I think a good compromise, and often mainstream, is to accommodate out-of-town guest (or HECK, even guests that are in town and want to stay away from home) is to research local hotels, and secure a hotel block for a lesser rate, and possibly even pay for transportation to and from your reception, so guests can commute safely and without worry!
That gives them the option to stay somewhere cheaper, or not, and thus eliminating you paying for their lodging. For what it is worth, I have heard – just recently – that the groom’s parents in an upcoming wedding are paying for their families accommodations because they are flying from OVERSEAS, not just over the States. Maybe your loophole?!
Post # 8
Our guests are out of country, we aren’t paying for anyone’s hotel rooms/flights. We may organize some transportation from the airport to the venue and back, if people are coming in on the same flights. So far, that doesn’t look like its happening.
What we have done is negotiated a great room rate for everyone for their entire stay (not just the wedding night/day before, but if you’re there for our wedding you get the rate the entire time you’re booked in.) And we’re trying to get a group discount on rental cars and flights, to help with costs. Brunch was negotiated into the room rates as well. We’ve been trying to make it easy for people.
Post # 9
Thanks, guys. I actually did see this on a Pinterest board, “who pays for what” and it did say somewhere about the bride’s family paying for accomodations for the OOT guests. But what you all are saying, makes sense. I’m happy to research the area and get a block of rooms and let them know. I just didn’t know how that worked. It’s been so long since I’ve had any involvement in a wedding, so I’m just rusty at this but trying to learn along the way! Thankfully all guests are here in the US, we do have two potential guests and their spouses, flying from California, but it’s TBD at this point.
Thanks again, that was MOST helpful. The info I got was likely very out of date, which is why I wanted to confirm that! 🙂
Post # 10
I have never heard this, nor do I think my OOT guest would expect me to pay for their accommodations.
Post # 11
MakiLadybug@gmail.com: Whaaaaa…?? I do not think that there is a tradition of paying for hotels or travel costs for out of towners. Maybe it’s traditional to pay for hotel costs for your bridal party, but even that is pretty optional these days.
Post # 12
MakiLadybug@gmail.com: Etiquette states that you pay for what you can. Guest are on their own should they travel to be there.
Post # 13
MakiLadybug@gmail.com: pay for what you can. I always paid for hotel, rental car and flight to every wedding
Post # 14
Never heard of that, and I always paid for travel and hotel for every wedding I attended, and all my out of town guests (there are lots of them) will be doing the same. If you have a member of the bridal party who is out of town, or a sibling or something, I could see paying for their rooms (we are paying for our out of town groomsmen’s hotels, but not travel), but not every guest. That would be insanely expensive.