Broke Bride Needs Help

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
535 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Oh gosh. I hadn’t heard that etiquette (and have never had that courtesy extended to me either) but I hope it’s no longer expected, b/c FI and I couldn’t afford that either!

Post # 3
657 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Um I don’t think etiquette ever stated you pay for out of town guests hotel rooms.

Post # 4
652 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013  Hi there!  I’m in Missouri, and was married in October.  Paying for guest hotel rooms isn’t tradition in our area.  I had blocks of rooms available at a couple hotels (with a negotiated rate).  The OOT guests made reservations and paid for them on their own.  I also had OOT bags (boxes, actually!), that we had at the front desk for when they checked in.  They all thought it was a nice touch.  I’d just to that…I wouldn’t feel obligated to pay for their rooms, and can’t imagine anyone would be offended. 🙂

Post # 5
428 posts
Helper bee

Traditional etiquette absolutely does NOT require you to pay for the hotel costs of out of town guests.

What traditional etiquette *did* used to require, that most people forget or ignore today, is that you provide accommodations for the wedding party specifically (perhaps only when a wedding is a destination one).

Perhaps you have gotten the two ideas confused?

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by  Sephiroth.
Post # 6
1321 posts
Bumble bee

I think the tradition of paying for your guests’ accommodations is dependent on what cultural/ethnic background you come from.  I know from my own culture, it is expected that the bride and groom or their parents pay for all of the out of town family’s lodging. I truly wish it was not so, because this is creating a huge cost in our wedding budget and creating a lot of stress for both of our families.

I am not sure what an alternative is if it is your cultural tradition to pay for accommodations — because I myself would love to know of one!  One of the possibilities that my FI and I discussed just the other day is to individually call each of our out of town family guests and let them know personally that we cannot afford to pay for their hotel, that we got them the best rate possible at whatever hotel if they were interested, and that if the cost is too high we would understand if they could not come to our wedding.  (But that in it of itself is also creating more chaos because we have to decide who we cannot pay for and who we can).

Either ways good-luck!

Post # 7
1287 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014  I think a good compromise, and often mainstream, is to accommodate out-of-town guest (or HECK, even guests that are in town and want to stay away from home) is to research local hotels, and secure a hotel block for a lesser rate, and possibly even pay for transportation to and from your reception, so guests can commute safely and without worry!

That gives them the option to stay somewhere cheaper, or not, and thus eliminating you paying for their lodging.  For what it is worth, I have heard – just recently – that the groom’s parents in an upcoming wedding are paying for their families accommodations because they are flying from OVERSEAS, not just over the States.  Maybe your loophole?!

Post # 8
2414 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Our guests are out of country, we aren’t paying for anyone’s hotel rooms/flights.  We may organize some transportation from the airport to the venue and back, if people are coming in on the same flights.   So far, that doesn’t look like its happening.  

What we have done is negotiated a great room rate for everyone for their entire stay (not just the wedding night/day before, but if you’re there for our wedding you get the rate the entire time you’re booked in.)  And we’re trying to get a group discount on rental cars and flights, to help with costs.  Brunch was negotiated into the room rates as well.  We’ve been trying to make it easy for people. 

Post # 10
4651 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I have never heard this, nor do I think my OOT guest would expect me to pay for their accommodations. 

Post # 11
5160 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013  Whaaaaa…??  I do not think that there is a tradition of paying for hotels or travel costs for out of towners.  Maybe it’s traditional to pay for hotel costs for your bridal party, but even that is pretty optional these days.

Post # 12
1230 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015  Etiquette states that you pay for what you can. Guest are on their own should they travel to be there. 

Post # 13
2894 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 pay for what you can. I always paid for hotel, rental car and flight to every wedding

Post # 14
2065 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Never heard of that, and I always paid for travel and hotel for every wedding I attended, and all my out of town guests (there are lots of them) will be doing the same.  If you have a member of the bridal party who is out of town, or a sibling or something, I could see paying for their rooms (we are paying for our out of town groomsmen’s hotels, but not travel), but not every guest.  That would be insanely expensive.

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