Weddingbee boards

What exactly are they having trouble playing for? Can you cut some of the things that you are "requiring" (if there are any)?

I was also on the flip side as well.  Actually, I've been there several times.  I've been moh twice and a bm twice and all times, I tried extra hard to make things work and not stress out the bride so much.  Communication is key but also compromise. I got together with the other bms to plan a great shower and b-party to plan something budget but not cheap.  It all came together beautifully, we all tried to use different sources to cut costs and no one ever knew! It was really helpful that I relayed my situation with the rest of the bms too, they tried their best to meet me half way and were more than understanding.

As for the dress costs and such - let ur bms help you find a great dress for them that isn't too costly. There are great alternatives out there that won't cost an arm and a leg.  I agree on having them pick out their own accessories and shoes as well as do their own makeup and hair.

hope things turn out well, I know it will!

TallBride -  I think things will be okay.  I know it's a little bit of a downer but I think everyone's goal is to make the best of it.  Maybe if there's some time between now and the b-party...it will give them some time to save.

The cost of being a bm has definitely increased dramatically over the past few years and those that are a bm for the first time might not realize this.   If Vegas is a little much - maybe there's an alternative place that may be a little cheaper?

I think you're within your rights to ask that they buy the dress, especially since $150 isn't all that much. But Vegas might be a bit over the top. Especially if they wouldn't have chosen to go to Vegas on a vacation on their own. Do you have your heart set on Vegas, or is it more important to celebrate with friends? Because you may have to choose between the two.

yeah, vegas might be too much.  who's idea was it?  if they can't afford everything, you have to start by cutting anything unnecessary, and going to vegas sounds like the only one you can cut.

The cost of being a BM is really just the dress, so it sounds like they will all be OK.  If your heart is set on Vegas, they don't HAVE to go to the bachelorette party.  If you'd rather they be at the party, you can do it in LA, have a sleepover and go out clubbing-- it'll be just as fun!  

I think vegas is a bit much as well. perhaps you can have a b-party that is local and then just a trip to vegas for people who want to come. 

A question I would like to add to this board is - if one of your BMs is recently out of a job, is it fair to help her with additional expenses that you aren't helping the other bms with?

I had two of my BMs drop out recently, one due to work commitments and one due to money issues. The BM with the money issue lives about 5 hours away and was in between jobs recently and had to make a sudden move to another city. She called and said she didn't think she'd be able to afford it because of her having to move. The only thing that I had my BMs get is the dress, which they picked their own and ran somewhere between 60 and 80 dollars. I told them they could pick their own shoes or get some dyeables if they couldn't find anything else. We are doing our own hair and makeup. I bought them all a bracelet to wear but otherwise they could use their own makeup. When she said it would cost her about 300 to 400 dollars for her to be a bridesmaid I was kind of shocked because it didn't even cost me that much for my two wedding dresses, lol. She had factored in hotel, gas, dress, accessories and weekend lodging for her two dogs. I told her that her and the dogs could stay at my house to help with costs. I even offered to help out with the dress cost if it came down to it. After about a week she called back and requested to not be in the wedding. She felt bad but I told her it was fine. I asked if she would like to be one of my readers but she declined just in case she couldn't make it. I felt I did what I could to help out because I would've really liked her in the wedding but it is totally understandable. I wouldn't have said anything to the other BM's because I know she was embarrassed enough as it is. I would just try to do what you can to help out your BM and try to comproimse with her if you can. But in the end, if she can't make it, it really doesn't matter cause you're still getting married with or without a wedding party.

There are a lot of other things that go into being in someone's wedding, as Angee524 said.  The other thing is the shower.  Usually the bridal party pays for that, and it is expensive.  But even hotel rooms, travel, hair, nails, makeup, gifts on top of everything, its a lot more than just being a guest.  A lot of times brides just assume its just the dress.  The average cost for a bridesmaid is upwards of $1000.  That really is a lot of money, when you just want to be a part of someone's wedding day.  The only thing I required from my bm's was the dress.  I paid for their hair & makeup if they wanted it done, I wouldn't let them throw a bachelorette party, we just went out for dinner and drinks, and my mom helped with the shower.  ANything else was their choice.  And even the dress I tried for 8 months to find the cheapest dresses I could find - apparently I have picky bridesmaids - they wouldn't wear any of them, so they picked watters.  I had two bigger girls, and you really can't find regular dresses at the mall for girls over size 14, so it had to be bridesmaid dresses.  Anyway, while you might be thinking "the only thing they have to get is the dress", there are a lot more things involved.