(Closed) Broken engagement

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
5978 posts
Bee Keeper

First off, you did the right thing. I know it seems like he’s going to be lost, but you said he just moved to the city and found a new job. Two perfect opportunities to meet new people for him to help get over you.

Staying with him for a longer period would have just made things harder. I know you still care about him to the extent that you want to see him happy, but that’s not for you to worry about anymore. Just focus on yourself and grieving the loss of the relationship. 

Post # 4
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2012

My heart aches for you, I’ve been there, and only a few short months ago…I ended my engagemnt the end of March, 3 short weeks before our wedding date.  We tried to work on it, but the problems kept repeating themselves and nothing seemd to get better.  I can tell you that 4 months later I have a FABULOUS new home, a busy social calendar, and numerous friends that “have a guy I HAVE to meet”….

It didn’t seem as though the aching heart and soul would ever end, the tears flowed freely and I could not control when I would have a weak moment….there are still a few of them sprinkled into my week…mostly when I hear one of “our songs” or think about the fact that we would be planning our honeymoon and starting a family by the end of the year….but, I also think of what I gave up: a guy who simply didn’t think the same way I do, or value the same types of things that I do, or have a strong sense of closeness and affection within his family, like I do….and then there was the punishment…if I didn’t behave in the way he wanted, I was punished by him via withholding love, affection and kindness….not exactly the recipe for a happy life.

Yes, it is hard, yes it will continue to be hard a for a while, and YES it does get easier.  All I can say is the more you allow yourself to cry and feel the painful emotions and get it off your chest and be kind and forgiving of your weak moments, the better off you will be in the long run.  Allowing this time to grieve will ensure that you are healthy and emotionally available when the right guy shows up, you aren’t stuffing these feelings only to have them rear their ugly head somewhere down the road.

Try picking a date 90 -180 days out where you resolve to stop being sad….make it a reasonable time frame….and also when you will allow youself to start dating again….you will be surprised that a week or so before that date arrives you will be ready for the next step. 🙂

You should be proud that you had the courage to say “No” when it wasn’t right, you have saved yourself and your former FI ALOT of unneccessary heartache and pain down the line, not to mention a potentially messy and costly divorce…and don’t even think about the “what if’s” if children were in the picture…this was the right decision, and now you are making room in your life and your heart for the right person to enter and love you in the way that you want and need to be loved.

HUGS!!!! 🙂

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