Post # 1
Ive been living with my bf almost three years and engaged two months ago. Now he says hes going thru some things and wants to slow down. He wants me to get my own place and take a step back. He said he doesnt know what he wants but doesnt want to lose me. What is going on? Is it cold feet? We have not set a date but both have been married before. Can our relationship come back after sonething like this? He wants some time but wants us to ‘date’.
Post # 2
WOW. Sweetie, you might have to let him go and move on. One of my dad’s smartest and best advice with men was “If a guy is experiencing cold feet, then he really doesn’t want to marry that woman. He might have been stupid or felt pressured to get things to the next step.” And that this union is doomed from the beginning. I just don’t see anything good coming out of this. A family friend of ours’ son was with his ex gf for over 5 years. They got engaged and a month before their wedding, he broke things off! Til this day, his father has somewhat adopted his ex gf and kicked him to the curb. He kept telling my mom “What if that was my daughter? My son is disgraceful.” He then married someone else 1 year later. I don’t keep up with him a lot, but when his mom does mention him, they are having kids all the time.
Post # 3
Jbeard: Sorry, that really sucks. In my experience taking a step back or slowing things down or taking a break, especially that this point in a relationship, is just code for “I want to break up but I’m too much of a coward to just do it, so I’m going to try to let you down easy.” In the end this usually ends up causing more confusion and more prolonged pain. Let him go and move on with your life. Who knows? Maybe you’ll end up back together in the future, but I wouldn’t count on it and I would live your life as it that is not a possibility.
I was in a very similar situation once, we weren’t engaged, but my boyfriend of over 6 years decided he needed space and wanted to “take a break.” First it was just for a couple months to reassess, then it was until he finished school in a year. Guess what? I never heard from him again. Luckily, I gave up on him pretty early into this so called “break” and moved on with my life.
Post # 4
I am so sorry you are going through this.
The important question to ask yourself is “Do I want to be with someone who isn’t 100% on board with our relationship?”
Not wanting to lose you isn’t good enough. That’s all about what he gets from the relationship, not what he gives and what you share together. My ex loved that phrase. It’s why he kept promising a proposal even thought he knew deep down that he never wanted to marry anyone. My fiance pointed out that when I’d receive a pathetic text from the ex it was always “I miss XYZ that you would do/make/provide”. It was never I miss you or I miss our relationship. It was always selfish.
For me it would never be enough to be someone a man didn’t want to lose. I want to be someone that he wants to love unconditionally and forge a partnership.
Post # 5
Jbeard: I am so sorry you’re going through this. Honestly, it sounds like he broke up with you but wants to keep you around just in case he changes his mind. I would not allow it no matter how badly I wanted to.
Post # 6
- Wedding: February 2015 - Chapel on Base
I really am sorry that your relationship is changing. I hope you decide to move on and live the life you deserve. I don’t think a relationship can recover from a step back wards.