Post # 1
Using my anonymous account and more of a vent than a real question.
4.5 months before my wedding, it’s over and cancelled. I found out that my now-ex had cheated with an ex-girlfriend when on a trip to NYC — he claimed to have just got “caught up in things” and “happened” to hook up with this girl. I forgave him because he seemed really sorry that he had hurt me. THEN come to find out he has been cheating again since at least February with some other girl that is involved in one of his hobbies. They spent the weekend together at two conventions that I was unable to attend recently bc of prior commitments, and have been seeing each other at least weekly. This time I put my foot down — I told him that it was over, the wedding was off, and as soon as I could afford to do so I would be moving out. Because I moved 300+ miles away from my family and friends to be with him when his job transferred and I have only been able to find temp work since then.
So now I’m living in the guest room of the house (which is scary enough, since he is the only one on the mortgage due to my employment status) and working my tail off to find a full time job so I can leave with my dog and put this chapter of my life to rest. He claims I can “stay as long as I need” and supposedly “feels awful” but I don’t trust him one bit. He still has not stopped seeing this other girl btw — claims it’s not that serious and they are friends!
I did not tell my family it ended bc of his cheating and lies. I kept it simple and vague. He started spreading gossip to his parents that the reason things ended were because I “was horribly depressed because I couldn’t find f/t work and that ruined our relationship” — hmm, funny how those two other women never made it into his version of events with them. Or the other little lies about anything and everything. But he has a huge friend group here, and so I’ve basically become the outcast terrible ex because they are buying into every story he’s feeding them. Many of them not true, and some involving VERY personal information that I told him in confidence. Every night he’s in his office crying alligator tears on the phone with his buddies about how I “hurt him so badly”. WTF!???
I’m not even sad I don’t think, just exhausted and overwhelmed and needing to vent. At least I’m only losing the deposits on the venue and the photographer (because his parents contributed nothing, yet wanted everything “just so”) and the cost of my dress, which I’m going to have to try and sell and you can bet I’ll be going after him looking for repayment for the venue/photographer. <br /><br />
In the end I guess it’s for the best. Invitations didn’t go out yet (because he kept stalling whenever I brought up wedding stuff…hmmm in retrospect makes a lot of sense) and the only engagement money/presents were from his family/friends so he can deal with that since he kept it all for use on the house. Cancelling this wedding is cheaper than getting a divorce. And I’m glad I found out about his cheating, dishonest, drama-queen ways before I was really stuck.
Wish me luck with the job search, Bees. I gotta get out of here asap — if only so I never had to look at him again!
Post # 2
Anonymousbee330: Sorry to hear you are having to deal with this.
Post # 3
I’m so sorry this is happening.
Post # 4
You have such a great attitude!! I am so sorry how things turned out, but you are so right. Pick yourself back up, take your dog and never look back! What a scumbag.
Don’t worry about what he’s saying to his social circle.. you never have to deal with them again! Focus on your circle.
We have all been there at one point or another and you just have to keep reminding yourself it does get better, life goes on and you will find happiness rather than being stuck with this miserable D-bag.
Best of luck!!
Post # 5
I’m trying to stay positive, but it really and truly sucks. I feel like if I stop moving forward and planning for better things I’m just going to fall apart. I volunteer regularly with the shelter I adopted my dog from, and technically we adopted him together so the other volunteers know him and ask about him all the time. I have no idea how to say “well, we split up but are still living in the same house”. Because I really want to avoid more potential gossip on their end (it’s a very cliquish group and I’m the new girl who is still becoming part of “the group”).
Post # 6
- Wedding: December 2014 - 13th ~ TN
Anonymousbee330: I am sorry to hear this. You sound strong and like you will make it through. Your family can not help you get home? Bus tickets are usually fairly cheap. Not the nicest way to travel but they will get you where you need to go.
Post # 7
MrsUPS where I’m originally from (where my family still lives) there’s even less work than here — even jobs at places like McDonalds or WalMart are very very hard to get. And in my current state I have health insurance and a part time temp to perm-type job that doesn’t pay the best but it’s a little bit coming in while I look. I was living in a bigger city for the last 10 years, and I desperately want to move back — I’m checking the job boards there every day and asking around with people I know in the area for anything I can find. I am lucky in that I have a car that mostly runs and I have some money put away that I can use for a deposit on a new place.
It’s funny how life changes. I used to have my own cute little apartment and a decent job and a nice boyfriend — and a few years later it’s all on it’s head. But it could always be worse.
I hate how this all sounds like such a sob story. Really, I wish I could talk about all the ways that I’m usually an awesome, happy, artistic person who truly did have a plan for her life and show I’m not just the crummy situation I’m in at the moment.
Post # 8
Anonymousbee330: You don’t need to talk about them, it’s pretty clear from your posts that you’re a lady who has it together. You know your own value, you aren’t letting somebody treat you this way, and you’re making your own way now. That’s something to be respected, I don’t think I would be functioning the way you are right now if I were in the same situation. You seem like an incredibly awesome person to me 🙂 You clearly had a lot of plans, and it isn’t your fault that this didn’t pan out the way it should have.
Lots of hugs, and employment-vibes!
Post # 9
Anonymousbee330: wow way to be proactive and get to the better side of things girl! Good for you for putting one foot in front of the other! You will be better for it! Keep moving along you will be able to move out soon. A tip here is to block all his family and friends on social media ect, who gives a sh– what they think, his problem now. And also make sure to take all the things that are yours in the house( no need to be nice here) don t leave anything out of courtesy that’s yours.
Post # 10
Anonymousbee330: You really are an amazing person. I think about some of the things that have broken me down in my life and the strength you are showing while going through this puts me to complete shame. You rock girl! Reading this story and feeling how positive you’re being through all of this (even in your down times) is so inspirational. Sending you so many positive vibes, I hope they reach you 🙂
Post # 11
I love your attitude, your ex sounds like pond scum and I’m assuming you’re young and will bounce back from all this, meet someone great and get the beautiful wedding you deserve. & you have your dog, even in the lowest times they can help us feel better! Maybe you’re just a bigger person, but I personally would have told all his friends and family by now what a low life cheating liar he is 🙂
Post # 12
Anonymousbee330: I am so sorry! But mostly I am proud you had the good sense to do this. It’s classy of you to keep the dirty details to yourself- but if he keeps running his mouth I would be hard pressed not to let the truth fly.
wishing you the strength and grace to get through this and good luck in your job search.
Post # 13
best of luck to you OP – wishing you as much happiness for the future as possible – seems like you dodged a bullet with this scum and you can do a million times better
Keep that positive attitude you are amazing!
Post # 14
Anonymousbee330: so sorry to hear this. I had a sililar situation before and I know how tough it can be. One bonus is at least you arent on the mortgage and don’t have that and the hassle of sorting that side of things out too tieing you both together. Good luck with the job search and, I hope you don’t mind me saying, well done, for having the courage and self confidence to not take his cr*p and walk away from it all. Your worth so much more than what he was offering! Wishing you all the happiness for the future and lots of positive things to come your way.
Post # 15
I’m very sorry you’re going through this! But you have a plan and actively searching on how to make your life better. And in that I have to commend you! Wishing you all the best!