Broken engagement

posted 3 years ago in Proposals
Post # 4
Member
576 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@fainavach1992:  Maybe she could take a technology break? Like, stay off Facebook, YouTube, anything but texts/phone calls on her phone, etc.? That might help. Sorry, not a ton of advice there!

Post # 5
Member
78 posts
Worker bee

It’s going to take time, the best you can do like any sort of broken relationship, is to just kind of let her be at the moment and just be there for her as a friend.  Everyone handles break-ups differently.  

Maybe one day you can just surprise her with a girls night, bring wine and order pizza, stay in and watch a ton of bad movies.  She could also develop a hobby or go to the gym to get away from all the internet stuff.  No one is really going to remember the Shrek proposal in the long run, plus it’ll be a really funny story whenever she looks back on it.

Post # 6
Member
1214 posts
Bumble bee

Similar thing happened to my daughter.  They had only been dating 6 months when he told me he was going to propose to her.  I asked him to wait about 2 months and he agreed.  Two days later I get a call from my daughter’s best friend saying he was proposing the following week.  He invited all her friends to hide out at the site and hired a photographer.  He threw this huge production and then three weeks later he broke up with her.  For months people would be saying “oh I heard you are getting married!”  And she would have to explain that he broke it off.  It was very humiliating.  I tried my best to be supportive and explained that his actions spoke more about him than anything to do with her.  After a few months she began to see the light.  He was a phony fake manipulative jerk.  He did things like that many times over in a short period.  She never knew when he was going to pull the rug out from under her. There was nothing secure about that relationship.  I felt it from day one.  The very first time I met him I tried to be pleasant and keep the conversation going by asking about him and just normal conversational stuff. The next day I asked my daughter what he said about meeting me.  She told me he said I was testing him and he didn’t appreciate it. WTH!  I was trying to do everything in my power to make him feel comfortable and he used it against me.  I knew he was bad news and even though I felt so sad for my daughter’s situation, inside I was jumping up and down and yelling YAY! in my head. I honestly think he had 30 days to return the ring so he got it back with a week to spare for shipping time.  Seriously thats what I’ve always thought.

Now we laugh about it.  And in January she is marrying a wonderful guy that I know only wants the best for her.  That’s all I ever wanted too.

The only advice I have is that she has to go through the grieving process.  There is no shortcut.  Just be there to listen and be supportive.  And get her out doing things.  I feel her pain and wish her well.

Post # 7
Member
273 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I think a big thing for her will be to cut out the technology for a while because she may be tempted (or just happen to come across it) to watch the video over and over and will be dragging up those emotions and reminder too soon. I had one friend who went through a really bad breakup who kept on going through their facebook videos/pictures and I had to turn the computer off for her because there was no need of her reliving those happy moments and then just dissapointing herself all over again.

All you can really do is to be there for her and listen.

Post # 8
Member
176 posts
Blushing bee

@fainavach1992:  Sometimes trying a mindset of “I had this really great thing happen to me.. it was fantastic, magical and everything I could have wanted. It didn’t work out, but I at least got to experience it. I will take this memory with me and know that someone cared about me enough to do something so special. I choose to focus on the positive and knowing that I am good enough”

This helps me through tough life-things, I hope it might be of some assistance to your friend 

Post # 9
Member
774 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013 - Dalhousie Castle

@pinkksnow:  I sooo wish she had kept the ring or sold it. That would have taught him! 

Post # 10
Member
1311 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 1994

Ugh. How crushing.

Post # 11
Member
748 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@fainavach1992:  have her write down everything about him that annoyed her and have her consult it OFTEN. 

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