Post # 1
Last week my ex fiance and I broke off the engagement. It was the right thing to do. We ended everthying on good terms. He even said “let’s help each other get through this”. Well we haven’t seen each other or talked. This whole week I’ve been really struggling to figure out what exactly happened. we always had communication problems so that was a big one. But when we broke up he never said why he had doubts about getting married. I’m really needing to know what made him feel different about us. Cause he use to treat me like a queen and then about two months ago I felt like he didn’t care about me any more. So I texted him last night and asked him if I could ask him so questions for closure but if he didn’t want to I understand. It’s now the next day and he hasn’t said anything. I feel so stupid and even worse. I just feel like he really doesn’t care about me at all.
Post # 2
I’m sorry you are going through this. One of my very dear friends is going through a very similar situation. I told her not to feel stupid and don’t worry about how he feels about you. These feelings are worth your tears/hurt right now. I’d give it another week or two, try to live your life as normally as you can and gather your thoughts and questions…giving it some time should make you less emotional and better able to think about what you really want to say. Then text him again about meeting and get it all out. Hang in there, girl!
Post # 3
- Wedding: March 2014 - A castle!
If you broke it off because of communication issues, I doubt his communication with you will improve now. I know it’s probably really hard to move on, but you need to get past this. There are better people out there for you – and you will find them! I know your break up is really fresh, but just try and keep a positive outlook about things, and it’s probably best if you do stop communicating with him. By trying to keep in touch, you’re going to keep re-opening that wound. See how many days in a row you can go without having any communication. Eventually you’ll learn to live life without him. Good luck with everything!
Post # 4
I’m not saying this is ALWAYS true, but a lot of times when a partner suddenly disconnects out of the blue, it is because they have met or fallen for someone else. I have been in a lot of relationships, and noticed unless the relationship has SEVERE problems, people tend not to break up until a better deal comes along.
This is not always true – my FI broke up with an ex he really liked and had fun with because her personality problems made him sure he couldn’t be with her long term.
Anyway, your ex may ignore your reasonable request for closure because he wants the end of your relationship to remain mysterious to you. He wants to continue to look good and not like a betrayer. Breaking an engagement due to incompatibility=mature, breaking an engagement due to cheating=asshole. I would not be surprised if you hear through mutual friends in about a month that he is dating someone new though. That someone has probably actually been around for several months now.
So, there’s that. The other thing I have noticed in my relationships is “seeking closure” usually means “holding on and trying to inveigle your way back into ex partner’s life”. Even if your partner DID break up with you for a mature reason, like he sees some personality flaws in you – will it help you to hear them listed and detailed? Perhaps, if you have truly huge personality issues to work on. But if you are generally a good person, knowing the details of exactly why he rejected you will probably only smush your self esteem. Plus, one person’s wine is another person’s poison. Your FI might tell you you’re too clingy or shy or boring. Another man might love that you are affectionate and quiet and prefer nights at home to nights at the club.
in conclusion: let it go, move on. He wasn’t the man for you and going on a quest to find out exactly why will just distract you from questing for your next big good thing.
Post # 5
I’m sorry! I couldn’t imagine, and I know it doesn’t seem like it now but this experience WILL make you stronger, you WILL get through this, and one day you WILL be fine. I know it’s hard to focus on right now, but every day it will hurt a little less.
I wasn’t engaged with my ex, but we were close and we were together for a long time. Breaking up is hard… must be why there’s so many songs about it. 😉 It’s hard, but you have to resist the urge to talk to him right now, it’ll just make moving on harder.
More bad news… I know you want to talk to him, ask him questions for closure… that’s a bad idea too. Unfortunately nothing he says will magically make everything better. Even though you feel as though if you understand WHY it all happened it’ll make it easier to deal. The harsh reality is it won’t. The more answers you get the more confused you’ll feel, or the more guilt over not ‘fixing’ certain things, or the more frustrated you’ll feel because he’s not able to answer some questions… or the ones he does answer aren’t to your liking.
My advice, distraction! Luckily, I was about to start university exams so that took a lot of my attention. You should join a gym, join a club, make plans with old friends. Keep your mind off of the breakup and things will get better. xx
Post # 6
ohnatto: I have nothing more to add that hasn’t already been said but I just felt to the need to say that this is really really really great advice
Post # 7
I agree with PPs. There really isn’t such a thing as closure. I just ended a 4 year relationship two weeks ago. We went one week without contact then talked a bit and it really did just make things worse. It was like a can of worms was opened. Once I started asking questions or telling him ‘one last thing’ it seemed to never end. I finally told him to please stop responding because if he didn’t I wouldn’t be able to stop. Be glad he isn’t responding to you. Like everyone has stated, there isn’t anything he can say that will make you feel better. If he’s doing fine, you will likely be upset and hurt, if he is a disaster that might also make you more sad.
I also don’t think that you can help the other person along in a breakup. You both need to heal and unfortunately it should be done separately. You won’t heal if you keep dragging up the past.