Post # 1
So this is how my story goes…
I got engaged February 25, 2012. I was happy, excited and scared all at the same time. I loved my Fiance but for some reason I kept having doubts. I wanted to be married and have a family. My Fiance is very caring and kind. But he has a very very weak personality. He is extremely shy, doesn’t like social situations. For example, if my family and his family are having dinner and hanging out, he would not say a single word. I felt a bit embarressed for em. He gets very figgity and nervous in any social situation, even if it’s just his family and mine hanging out. That was an aspect I really didn’t like about his personality. The other thing is that he is not decisive at all. Whatever, I said goes and whatever his family said goes. Even the little simple things like, we should have a DJ at our engagement party. We both agreed to that and he thought it’s very important. He even said it’s one of the most important details of the engagement party. 2 days later he comes back and says we really don’t need a DJ….my parents have a really cool sound system we could use. Immediatley I knew that his mother talked to him about it and changed his mind.He admitted that his mother convinced him that no DJ is needed.
Long story short I broke off our engagement 2 weeks ago because I felt that I need to marry a man who can make decisions and not follow whatever his mother tells him to. I also felt kind of embarressed when we were in social situations. He was very quiet, uncomfortable and a bit awekward.
After saying all that, I really miss him. I initiated no contact. But I miss him so much. I am also scared that I might never find someone who will love me the way he did.
Post # 3
maybe you wont, but it sounds like you didnt love him as he was, and you werent interested in helping him come out of his shell so he is probably better off without you and you without him…. theres nothing wrong with that, it’s just the reality. he wasnt making you happy and i dont think it would be fair to him to get back togetherw ith him just because you like how he treats you if you are embarrassed to be with him…
Post # 4
- Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo
@bostongirl27: I agree with this. It sounds like you made the best decision for you. You will find someone else who loves you even more, who you actually love just as much! Just treat this like a regular breakup, continue not contacting him. You’ll get over this, and you’ll feel much better once you have.
Post # 5
Sorry you’re in this situation, but from what you’ve told us, I think it’s for the best. No woman should be with a man who she’s embarrassed of, and it doesn’t really sound like your personalities matched. I can see how it would be aggravating to be with someone who can’t make decisions, or lets their mother make decisions for them, ESPECIALLY an engaged man. In his defense, shyness and being socially awkward can be extrememly painful. He needs to be with someone more understanding and accepting of his personality and you need to be matched with someone who better suits yours. Best of luck!
Post # 6
Thank you for your reply. I feel more scared than anything about the future. I don’t want to end up alone.
I don’t regret my decision for breaking off the engagement because I did try to get him to open up and be more comfortable in social situations. I also, shared with him that I want to make sure that it’s US making deciisons and not his mother. He is a 31 year old man that does everything his mother tells him to.
Post # 7
You did the right thing. You need to find someone who is more compatible with your personality, and a man shouldn’t be flying by the whim of everyone else- that would drive me crazy too. Continue no contact, take this time to spend more time with friends, join a gym, whatever you need to do to keep you busy!! It’ll work out!!
Post # 8
I think you did the right thing.. it is perfectly normal to miss him and to feel scared, but i am sure you will find someone more suited for you, who will have all the qualities you are looking for!
Post # 9
Two people can love each other very much, but that does not mean they’re compatible. I am sorry, this is tough, but I think you did the right thing.
Post # 10
Change is often scarey and we often cling to what we are comfortable with just because of the fear of the unknown. I commend you on your decision and I am absolutely certain that love will find you again!
Post # 11
There’s nothing quite as interesting as living with as a man who’s contrary and stubborn…from a lady that’s dated TONS of yes-men, you did right! Is my hubby stubborn, YUP, is he opinionated? You bet your ass! Does he go along with what I say? RARELY! Is that frustrating as all get out sometimes, you’re darn tootin…but I’ll tell you what, he sure as hell ain’t dull and I love him to hell and back, even if he is meaner than a gut shot grizzly sometimes!
Post # 12
@pumkin: Breakups are never easy, even if you’re the one who wanted it. But you know you made the right decision and with time this will be easier. Give yourself time to grieve your loss but stay strong and move forward with your life. Even though you care for him, you can’t stay with someone out of pity.
Post # 13
I think that if you weren’t happy with your ex-FI the way he was, then you should move on. What I’ve found is that sometimes the things you love the most about a man are the same things that drive you nuts in different situations. I bet that you love that your ex-FI was caring, sensitive, and thoughtful. Well, that also translates to some of the behaviour that you don’t like with others. My ex was the opposite…he was confident, demanding, assertive…but that took a toll on our relationship. While I liked his personality in social situations, I hated it at home…i.e. really? We need to have a knock down drag out fight over what color curtains should be?
Post # 14
i’m sorry that you and the guy spent a certain amount of time with someone who was not right. the future must hold the better thing for you.
Post # 15
I think you did the right thing.
It’s always harder when there’s nothing really *wrong* in the relationship (no meanness, no cheating, etc.) because then you feel like the “bad guy.”
But this relationship wasn’t making you happy. And you deserve to be happy. (And so does he. Maybe this will be a catalyst for him to examine his relationship with his mom and grow a spine. That would be a good outcome for him.)
I don’t know how old you are (if you said, I missed it 🙂 but don’t worry about being alone. Being in a relationship where you’re not happy is much worse than being alone, and I think it’s a good thing to spend some time being single and getting reaquainted with yourself after a serious relationship ends anyway. Even though it wasn’t a horrible relationship, you’ll still need to get over it and move on before you can have a good relationship with someone else.
Post # 16
First, I would like to say that I am so sorry that you are going through all of this. I, too, reciently broke an engagement and I can say that I know how you feel when you say that you’re not sure that you’ll ever find another man who will love you the same way. Please know that all of us here are supporting you in making this decision. I know that it wasn’t easy to make the decision that you have, but know that you will move forward from this moment. You will be a stronger woman for all that you have learned here.
((HUGS)) Hang in there. All of us Bees are here for you!