I was just wondering if there were any other ladies here who are in/have been in my situation.
It's probably okay to spare you the details, but long story short, I met the man of my dreams, we got engaged, and then he broke it off.
I didn't know it was possible to feel so low and heartbroken (although my heart works fine, that's why it hurts so much. His must be broken since it's so void of love!!!). I know that eventually I'll get over it... but I was just wondering what your experience was like if any of you are out there. How long did it take for you to "get over it"? How did you feel about getting engaged again? Were you more scared than you should have been because of your previous experience?
I know this isn't exactly wedding related but I figured it was close enough for this board.
I obviously know nothing about your situation, but I tend to assume that broken engagements happen for a good reason. I know it doesn't help heal the pain, but be thankful that you got out before you made a serious lifelong commitment. Now you're free to find the person that you're truly meant to be with. Good luck, and have faith that things will work out eventually!
I hope it all works out for you... take good care of yourself... It's really good you're reaching out and getting lots of support.
But that being said... I don't know if surfing wedding related websites will be very good for you and the healing process... sort of like picking at an open wound isn't it?
I just want to respond and say that I likely know much of what you are feeling. I dated my ex for over six years; we were engaged not long after our fourth anniversary. Around year five he had doubts. After a terribly traumatic, dramtic, tear-filled year, we split shortly after our sixth anniversary. It was, in short, the most horrific experience of my life. When he proposed, I never expected it, had made no effort to secure myself a diamond and did nothing to prompt the action. To then have him have doubts....well, devastating. There are no other words. I will spare you most of the details - they are ugly, they are unpleasant to remember, and they will do little to help you in your current moment of anguish. Ultimately, it was myself who called it off, but it was inevitable - it was the ugliest of situations.
Today, I am the happiest I have ever been. Not long after our split, I met my future husband. After just about a year together, he recently proposed. I never expected to love another, I never expected to be ok with the idea of becoming engaged again and rather ironically, I could not be happier for the way things turned out. Mike, my future husband, is hands down the greatest thing that ever happened to me. I, in large part, believe I never knew true love until I knew him. Cheesy as it sounds - he is everything I never knew I always wanted and needed. I wake up everyday and thank my lucky stars that we found each other...and in turn I thank myself for making every decision I made in the past few years that ultimately led me to him.
I know I'm rambling...but I need you to understand, if it wasn't meant to be you should be take peace in the fact that you are now free to find the one that will make you happier than you ever knew possible. Please feel free to send me a PM if you need support - I know what you're feeling, and it wasn't too terribly long that I felt that same way.
So, regarding my feelings about becoming engaged again? Elated. Ecsatic. Happier than ever before. During my first "engagement" I thought I knew what I wanted...this time I KNOW what I want and it is hard to explain the distinction to others, but I understand it myself, which is all that matters.
I promise - it gets easier. I promise - you will be happier for this someday.
Best of luck. And, truthfully, send a PM if you like. My thoughts are with you.
I'm with Cyd.. It hurts now, but in the end YOU are the one who will be the luckiest. This gives you a chance to figure out more about yourself and grow into the wonderful woman you are - the one that will be very loved by a lucky man out there. Don't rush it. It's a terrible cliche' but so true - you find love where and when you least expect it. When it comes around again, don't be afraid. What good is life if we don't embrace every experience all the way!
I agree with Cyd. You will find peace someday and time will be your best friend to heal. In the end, it will work out for the better. I completely understand your pain. I have survived it which I never would have thought I would with my ordeal in the past. I have made it and going to marry a better man. Keep your chin up.
Breakups are the worst, especially after an engagement, but if he was having doubts then better now than later right? I kow it is hard to see the bigger picture right now, but I always think there is a higher plan for us all - like everything that happens was meant to be or something. Maybe this was meant to happen so you true dream man can come along or so you can be the best future wife to your future Mr. you can be by having some time alone again or whatever you know?
Anyway, in the mean time I would recommend:
* relying on your friends, making plans with them so you are not sitting at home
* making an effort to meet people as friends (I met my fiance online as friends first)- try metup.com (and you can neet people with similiar interests as you)
* Join netflix or get tivo (they are fun when you get into it)
* Hang out with family if they are close by and don't drive you nuts
this happened to my sister, but hindsight is 20/20 .. she's the happiest she's ever been, and their marriage would have likely ended in divorce pretty quickly. I know it's hard to get over this now, and you shouldn't rush yourself. absolutely rely on friends and family, but do give yourself time to grieve the relationship and then move on. You will find other ways to fulfill your life and probably when you least expect it, someone special to share it with.
definitely come up with a snappy answer if you have some crazy relative like we do that likes to make rude comments to my sister. and make a list of all the things you might have missed out on (travel, learning a language, rollerskating, girl time, etc) and DO those things!!!
Thanks so much... and Cyd thanks for sharing your story with me. You all don't even know how much this means to me! Just a bunch of strangers saying they can relate! I've heard that 25% of all engaged couples don't end up marrying each other but it sure feels pretty lonely until you actually hear from others.
Today I talked to my ex and gave him a piece of my mind. Not just for the sake of being angry at him but because I felt it was important that he know how I feel/think about him.
I feel so much better now... I don't think I would have been able to do it without hearing from you all... Not that I'm saying that completely solved everything (haha) but I think it was a good thing.
Best wishes for you all and your marriages!!!!! :) I am so happy for you. And if you hear of anybody that wants an LDS temple-ready wedding gown... send 'em my way. I don't think I'll be back on Weddingbee for a loooooong time (Strawberrybaby is absolutely right).
Hey all...
I was just wondering if there were any other ladies here who are in/have been in my situation.
It's probably okay to spare you the details, but long story short, I met the man of my dreams, we got engaged, and then he broke it off.
I didn't know it was possible to feel so low and heartbroken (although my heart works fine, that's why it hurts so much. His must be broken since it's so void of love!!!). I know that eventually I'll get over it... but I was just wondering what your experience was like if any of you are out there. How long did it take for you to "get over it"? How did you feel about getting engaged again? Were you more scared than you should have been because of your previous experience?
I know this isn't exactly wedding related but I figured it was close enough for this board.
Thanks for your support!
posted by elizzard87 16 posts 5 months agoI don't have any advice. I just wanted to say that I'm so sorry, and that my heart goes out to you. Hang in there!
posted by bethgraced 105 posts 5 months agoI obviously know nothing about your situation, but I tend to assume that broken engagements happen for a good reason. I know it doesn't help heal the pain, but be thankful that you got out before you made a serious lifelong commitment. Now you're free to find the person that you're truly meant to be with. Good luck, and have faith that things will work out eventually!
posted by saltyveruca 61 posts 5 months agoOh dear... that sounds terrible...
I hope it all works out for you... take good care of yourself... It's really good you're reaching out and getting lots of support.
But that being said... I don't know if surfing wedding related websites will be very good for you and the healing process... sort of like picking at an open wound isn't it?
Good luck and hang in there.
posted by StrawberryBaby 106 posts 5 months agoIt will get better. Please trust me. I have first hand experience and now I am so happy that i am literally floating.
Hope you feel better!
posted by LovelyRita 16 posts 5 months agoElizzard,
I just want to respond and say that I likely know much of what you are feeling. I dated my ex for over six years; we were engaged not long after our fourth anniversary. Around year five he had doubts. After a terribly traumatic, dramtic, tear-filled year, we split shortly after our sixth anniversary. It was, in short, the most horrific experience of my life. When he proposed, I never expected it, had made no effort to secure myself a diamond and did nothing to prompt the action. To then have him have doubts....well, devastating. There are no other words. I will spare you most of the details - they are ugly, they are unpleasant to remember, and they will do little to help you in your current moment of anguish. Ultimately, it was myself who called it off, but it was inevitable - it was the ugliest of situations.
Today, I am the happiest I have ever been. Not long after our split, I met my future husband. After just about a year together, he recently proposed. I never expected to love another, I never expected to be ok with the idea of becoming engaged again and rather ironically, I could not be happier for the way things turned out. Mike, my future husband, is hands down the greatest thing that ever happened to me. I, in large part, believe I never knew true love until I knew him. Cheesy as it sounds - he is everything I never knew I always wanted and needed. I wake up everyday and thank my lucky stars that we found each other...and in turn I thank myself for making every decision I made in the past few years that ultimately led me to him.
I know I'm rambling...but I need you to understand, if it wasn't meant to be you should be take peace in the fact that you are now free to find the one that will make you happier than you ever knew possible. Please feel free to send me a PM if you need support - I know what you're feeling, and it wasn't too terribly long that I felt that same way.
So, regarding my feelings about becoming engaged again? Elated. Ecsatic. Happier than ever before. During my first "engagement" I thought I knew what I wanted...this time I KNOW what I want and it is hard to explain the distinction to others, but I understand it myself, which is all that matters.
I promise - it gets easier. I promise - you will be happier for this someday.
Best of luck. And, truthfully, send a PM if you like. My thoughts are with you.
posted by Cyd 83 posts 5 months agoI'm with Cyd.. It hurts now, but in the end YOU are the one who will be the luckiest. This gives you a chance to figure out more about yourself and grow into the wonderful woman you are - the one that will be very loved by a lucky man out there. Don't rush it. It's a terrible cliche' but so true - you find love where and when you least expect it. When it comes around again, don't be afraid. What good is life if we don't embrace every experience all the way!
posted by thecoolestsarah 11 posts 5 months agoI agree with Cyd. You will find peace someday and time will be your best friend to heal. In the end, it will work out for the better. I completely understand your pain. I have survived it which I never would have thought I would with my ordeal in the past. I have made it and going to marry a better man. Keep your chin up.
posted by nvo 5 posts 5 months agoBreakups are the worst, especially after an engagement, but if he was having doubts then better now than later right? I kow it is hard to see the bigger picture right now, but I always think there is a higher plan for us all - like everything that happens was meant to be or something. Maybe this was meant to happen so you true dream man can come along or so you can be the best future wife to your future Mr. you can be by having some time alone again or whatever you know?
Anyway, in the mean time I would recommend:
* relying on your friends, making plans with them so you are not sitting at home
* making an effort to meet people as friends (I met my fiance online as friends first)- try metup.com (and you can neet people with similiar interests as you)
* Join netflix or get tivo (they are fun when you get into it)
* Hang out with family if they are close by and don't drive you nuts
Hang in there, I feel for you!
posted by IndianBride 179 posts 5 months agothis happened to my sister, but hindsight is 20/20 .. she's the happiest she's ever been, and their marriage would have likely ended in divorce pretty quickly. I know it's hard to get over this now, and you shouldn't rush yourself. absolutely rely on friends and family, but do give yourself time to grieve the relationship and then move on. You will find other ways to fulfill your life and probably when you least expect it, someone special to share it with.
definitely come up with a snappy answer if you have some crazy relative like we do that likes to make rude comments to my sister. and make a list of all the things you might have missed out on (travel, learning a language, rollerskating, girl time, etc) and DO those things!!!
posted by missrae 88 posts 5 months agoThanks so much... and Cyd thanks for sharing your story with me. You all don't even know how much this means to me! Just a bunch of strangers saying they can relate! I've heard that 25% of all engaged couples don't end up marrying each other but it sure feels pretty lonely until you actually hear from others.
Today I talked to my ex and gave him a piece of my mind. Not just for the sake of being angry at him but because I felt it was important that he know how I feel/think about him.
I feel so much better now... I don't think I would have been able to do it without hearing from you all... Not that I'm saying that completely solved everything (haha) but I think it was a good thing.
Best wishes for you all and your marriages!!!!! :) I am so happy for you. And if you hear of anybody that wants an LDS temple-ready wedding gown... send 'em my way. I don't think I'll be back on Weddingbee for a loooooong time (Strawberrybaby is absolutely right).
posted by elizzard87 16 posts 5 months ago