I just want to respond and say that I likely know much of what you are feeling. I dated my ex for over six years; we were engaged not long after our fourth anniversary. Around year five he had doubts. After a terribly traumatic, dramtic, tear-filled year, we split shortly after our sixth anniversary. It was, in short, the most horrific experience of my life. When he proposed, I never expected it, had made no effort to secure myself a diamond and did nothing to prompt the action. To then have him have doubts….well, devastating. There are no other words. I will spare you most of the details – they are ugly, they are unpleasant to remember, and they will do little to help you in your current moment of anguish. Ultimately, it was myself who called it off, but it was inevitable – it was the ugliest of situations.
Today, I am the happiest I have ever been. Not long after our split, I met my future husband. After just about a year together, he recently proposed. I never expected to love another, I never expected to be ok with the idea of becoming engaged again and rather ironically, I could not be happier for the way things turned out. Mike, my future husband, is hands down the greatest thing that ever happened to me. I, in large part, believe I never knew true love until I knew him. Cheesy as it sounds – he is everything I never knew I always wanted and needed. I wake up everyday and thank my lucky stars that we found each other…and in turn I thank myself for making every decision I made in the past few years that ultimately led me to him.
I know I’m rambling…but I need you to understand, if it wasn’t meant to be you should be take peace in the fact that you are now free to find the one that will make you happier than you ever knew possible. Please feel free to send me a PM if you need support – I know what you’re feeling, and it wasn’t too terribly long that I felt that same way.
So, regarding my feelings about becoming engaged again? Elated. Ecsatic. Happier than ever before. During my first "engagement" I thought I knew what I wanted…this time I KNOW what I want and it is hard to explain the distinction to others, but I understand it myself, which is all that matters.
I promise – it gets easier. I promise – you will be happier for this someday.
Best of luck. And, truthfully, send a PM if you like. My thoughts are with you.