Post # 1
I’m so ready to elope and I still have 33 months to go.
Not doing any offical “oh you’re invited, oh you’re not” stuff until closer to the date. Just slowly getting ideas and working things out so its not all one giant cluster of “I don’t know what I’m doing” in the months leading up to the big day.
But with my wonderful biological father, I know I have to let him know at least what the Month and Year are soon, because he lives on the opposite end of the country and he needs notice to start putting money aside for 4 plane tickets (him, step mom + 2 siblings)
The problem is my parents (mom and adoptive dad) would probably prefer I not invite my Biological, or his wife (moms former friend) but I want my siblings there (even though I haven’t seen them in almost 10 years) And can’t very well invite them without inviting the Biological.
I already know that my Dad (not my biological) will be walking me down the aisle and doing the Dad/daughter dance NOT my biological.
My first question is, how do I tell my Biological that if he comes he is NOT doing any of the traditional Dad stuff?
My other question is about siblings. My FI brother is very close to him, FI wants him in the wedding party. He also has a sister, and I have a brother and a sister. Problem is; I am not very close to his sister, but since his brother will be in the party does she need to be as well? And if his siblings are in the wedding party will mine need to be as well? His siblings live in a different part of the state and mine live in a seperate part of the country. So I don’t know if it is logical to include them as it may be hard to cordinate dresses and such from a distance. And my FI has never met my siblings, or biological, and probably wont until the wedding. But is it considered rude not to include them? And if it is, how to I go about asking his sister? And letting my siblings know?
Post # 3
It’s YOUR wedding. Invite whom you like. Ask the people you REALLY want in your bridal party. I personally do NOT believe in obligatory wedding party participants. You should have the people who have loved and supported you stand up with you on your wedding day.
Post # 4
I’d love to do that, but I don’t want to offend his sister/his family by including one but not the other, and I don’t want to offend my siblings by not including them even though I haven’t seen either one for almost 10 years and I don’t even talk to my little sister.
Post # 5
@Wildflower2016: As for your Biologcal father, just tell him ” I know you will understand when I tell you that ___ will be walking me down the aisle and dancing with me.” It sets up your expectations. How old were you when your Dad left the marriage to your Mom?
You do not need to include siblings on either side. I had 5 sisters and none of them were in my wedding party, nor was I in any of theirs. I chose my friends to be my BM’s.
You should howver practice how you are going to respond if they raise the issue. I would say “We wanted to keep the wedding party small, so we had to limit the numbers.” Don’t say you picked the people you were close to, or the most important people – those phrases are likely to be interpreted as hurtful.
Post # 6
@Wildflower2016: If you haven’t seen one in ten years and you don’t talk to the other, they should NOT be surprised to not be in the wedding party. I imagine they would be shocked if you asked them. Would you expect to be in theirs? I have a sister that I was never close with and don’t talk to and I didn’t even invite her. Not out of animosity or anything, just… We only invited people we know.
Just have who you’re close with. It should be fun, not stressful. The people in your wedding party shouldn’t be strangers.
As for his sister, ask her to be a bridesmaid IF you like her and think you will be close. Also consider if that’s her kind of thing or not.
Tell your biological father your plans sooner rather than later. Just tell him. He probably can guess that your step dad is close since you grew up with him. You don’t have to include them, but you can if you want to. Either option is acceptable. I chose not to include mine because my biological dad always acts like we’re so close and plays the proud dad- Which is so fake I can’t stand it.
Post # 7
I was 3 when they split. Not 100% sure why they split but I’m pretty sure the date of there divorce being final and my half brother’s (who’s mom is my moms former “best” friend) birth being less then five months apart has something to do with it.
My siblings and I aren’t close because they are 18 and 13. We have only seen eachother twice, ever because their mom can’t stand me and often would ruin plans of them to visit my state or me to visit theres, and often would cut conversations between me and my siblings short by suddenly needing to use the phone.
Post # 8
@Wildflower2016: It is YOUR wedding, and I agree with trueblue14. I wouldn’t feel bad about not including them. You are inviting them and that should be plenty as far as including them in your day. It is so hard to plan for desses and such for the bridal party when there is huge amounts of distance. As far as your Biological Dad goes, do you not get along well with him?? I would at least let him know what your wishes are and who will walk you down the aisle. I don’t think that the “bridal party” has to be all family, I think the bride should pick those who SHE WANTS to stand up for her, not those SHE FEELS OBLIGATED TOO. It is YOUR day, and YOU should have your closest girls with you.
I don’t have a broken family and I have not chosen ANY siblings to stand up for me. But that is just me. You will figure it out. But try not to lose focus of the fact that is is YOUR WEDDING.
Post # 9
@Wildflower2016: I won’t comment on who walks you down the aisle, because it wasn’t even a question for me and my sister. But I can relate to divorced parents who don’t like each other. And the way to deal with it is: invite both (and their partners) and tell the other parent they’ll be there; and on the day sit them well apart. It is your day, and your parents can tolerate being in the same room as each for a few hours.
It’s not normal to have SIL as a bridesmaid. No need for you to include her. A common way to include the sister of the groom is to have her do a reading. You don’t need to include your siblings just because FI has his brother on his side. But it would be very odd to have his sister has a bridesmaid but not your own sister. So I say let FI choose his party (including his brother) and you choose your own (whoever you want, and not his sister since you’re not close).