Post # 1
New here all, but was hoping for some advice. I was thrilled to find an amazing wedding gift for a good friend while on a business trip overseas. The gift was quite unique and beautiful, and I really thought she and her FI would love it. Despite my careful packaging and trust in DHL, the friend informed me pretty immediately that the gift arrived broken. She said she “wanted me to know, in case [I] wanted to replace it with something else.” I’d obviously already returned from the trip so couldn’t make a direct replacement even if I wanted to. Now I know she generally wanted cash, so I can’t help but wonder if she’s not secretly delighted that the gift broke, and I didn’t love that I didn’t even get a cursory “It’s beautiful, I’m so disappointed it broke, how thoughtful, etc.” I spent more on the gift than I normally would, and I can’t really afford a cash gift on top of my travel expenses to her DW. Am I terrible for thinking it’s the thought that counts? (Though, obviously, she doesn’t feel that way, which is probably why I’m also a little soured on giving a second gift.) TIA.
Post # 2
Errrr “in case you wanted to send something else?” She wants you to spend more money than you already spent on a very thoughtful gift? Hell no. Grabby and entitled.
Post # 3
madameskc : I would not give a second gift. She didnt compliment it and thank you ANY??? I bet it WAS beautiful and obviously, very well thought out and it meant something to you that when you saw it… you thought of them!
Post # 4
Don’t send anything. It’s not your fault it broke in transit and she can deal with DHL if she wants to get something out of it but this is nothing on you.
she sounds like an entitled bitch.
Post # 5
madameskc : Maybe send her a tube of Superglue?
Post # 6
madameskc : hmm. I received a broken gift but I said nothing. The retailer replaced it and I said nothing to the gift giver.
So first see if DHL will give you money back I know some will at a certain value.
Once you get your money back it’s really up to you if you get her another gift. I also don’t like the way she handled it. I would have absolutely told you as the bride how bummed I was that it broke. Since you’re close enough to have traveled for a DW, can you talk to her about it? Maybe she’s awkward? Sometimes people blurt things out when they’re upset.
Is she generally materialistic?
Post # 7
madameskc : No. Don’t send her anything, she’s gift grabbing.
Post # 8
Wow. I’d send my apologies instead of another gift.
Post # 9
madameskc : I’d check with DHL and see if there’s any insurance that will cover it. Did you buy it with a credit card? Sometimes those hae crazy insurance policies that might cover it as well.
If not, I probably wouldn’t buy another…
Post # 10
madameskc : I’m so sorry that this happened to you. That is extremely rude. I’m not sure what you should do, but I would definitely file a claim with DHL and inform the friend because she needs to cooperate with you: http://www.dhl-usa.com/en/express/resource_center/claims.html
Post # 11
I would guilt trip her a bit and say “oh I’m sorry that happened, I found it in [wherever you bought it] and thought of you instantly but I won’t be able to replace it. Perhaps try and file a complaint with DHL and see what they can do?”
Post # 12
- Wedding: December 2017 - Lake Louise Canada
Wow. If I got a gift that was totally unusable I’d thank the giver and never mention there was anything wrong with it. No one should expect to receive any wedding gifts let alone 2. Ridiculous.
Post # 13
madameskc : Your friend is greedy and self-serving. I received a wedding gift that was in a million pieces (an expensive crystal vase, from my boss no less) and when I called the shop they said they couldn’t replace it because he didn’t ship it through them (he took it and shipped it himself).
The correct thing to do (which I checked 100 times, because, in another interesting twist, my boss’s mom is Miss Manners. The actual Miss Manners) is to say nothing. Nothing. I sent a lovely thank you note and that was the end of that.
Post # 14
fredthebasil : Good to know! I didn’t say anything either when I got a broken thing. But if I sent a gift I’d want to know that it broke. What’s the rule if the guest asks if it got there ok?
Post # 15
This is one of the worst examples of ungrateful rudeness yet. Who tells the sender of a generous, thoughtful, unique gift that it is broken and you’d like them to send another gift.
not sure I could manage a reply but if you can, follow PP’s advice re DHL insurance.