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My FI and I got the sweetest Yorkie puppy in January. Bertie is everything anyone could want in a puppy-- he's excited to see us, he snuggles, he fetches, he sits, and he's rapidly getting potty trained.
But FI is allergic. That's why we chose a Yorkie--hypoallergenic! We have HEPA filters running 24/7, vaccuum with HEPA, shampoo with special shampoo, use Allerpet-D and we're giving the baby fish-oil capsules to reduce the dander. But FI wants to rehome him if we can't make it work! He's not wililng to take daily pills, and not willling to try allergy shots. Bertie makes me happy and loves me unconditionally I don't know what to do.
aww, I'm sorry:( I don't really have any advice, but I'm sure this can be tough.. Hopefully with the change in season things will improve?
:( so sorry to hear... maybe you should your husband a shot in his sleep (kidding) dont do that.. but hopefully something works out so you can keep you doggie
@Beansy: Aww I'm sorry. But if he isn't willing to take pills or get shots there's nothing you can do. I would be really angry with my SO if he pulled a bait and switch like that.
I would be devastated, and I can't believe your FI isn't willing to do anything to help you.
Im so sorry! I hope that yall can work something out to where you can keep him!
Is there a reason WHY he won't take pills or get shots? It sounds like you're doing everything possible to help. Your FI KNEW he was allergic, and that's why you chose the dog you did.
For the record--no dog is totally hypoallergenic. Just like with cats, it's saliva and dander that trigger allergic reactions. Some dogs shed significantly less and some dogs are tiny (like yorkies) and that affects the size of the allergic reaction. But all dogs shed and produce saliva to some degree.
To be quite blunt--your FI did a stupid and irresponsible thing. Shame on him for agreeing to a dog, doing the research, then deciding he doesn't want to do his part in controlling his allergies. I'm furious with him on your behalf.
I'm furious too! Especially every time I look at my sweet puppy who really wants nothing more than to live in our happy home and go for walks and sniff the flowers! We had done tests as well-- my sister and her two yorkies have spent weeks with him without a sniffle!
The shots are not covered by his insurance and would cost thousands of dollars. My parents offered to pay for the shots but he (and I have to agree with this one) is not happy to take that money from my parents especially as he could afford it himself. The pills and inhaler are because he says he doesn't want to spend his life on medicine hoping not to have an asthma attack.
I just can't understand why I have to give up one thing I love for someone I love...isn't it enough that the puppy makes me happy?
@Beansy: He should have weighed those options before you got the pup. The pills and inhaler sound like the better option, although his reasoning to me is just that he doesn't feel like doing it. It's not convenient to his lifestyle. Well he shouldn't have agreed to a puppy then.
@MissHoneyBun: It sounds like he did weigh things a little bit. If she had trials with other Yorkies no problem, there's really nothing to prepare them that things could get that bad.
Honestly, I don't think someone should be expected to take daily pills/shots/inhaler just to keep a pet, when it puts your health at risk. Asthma attacks are serious business, and you don't really want to dance with that danger. Yes, he probably should have considered what would have happened if it didn't work, but with OP's excitement and initial good "test" results, why have that worry, you know? It sounds like he originally wanted to make you happy, and now that it's a health issue, he's not too keen on the pup anymore.
If the coin were reversed, and he loved say, a Komodo Dragon (sorry so random, I just wanted to pick a "man pet" that you wouldn't necessarily love, like another dog or cat!), but the dragon gave you bad hives, would you take pills or shots to keep it, when it would cost thousands of dollars? I don't know, personally, I can say that I wouldn't do it either. Maybe I'm hard-hearted, but I just can't see myself taking daily pills or getting injections or suffering health risks just to keep a pet indoors. It seems like he gave it a shot and tried to make it work for you, but it just doesn't seem like it's working out for him.
So my question is, is it fair for you to keep something that makes you happy, but makes his health suffer?
Have you tried bathing the dog more often (at least 1x/week)? I have severe allergies and asthma and when we slack on baths for our pup, even with my daily allergy and asthma meds I'll start wheezing and having really bad reactions to him. That said, I love my dog and refuse to get rid of him much to the dismay of my allergy doc. When I told the doctor I wasn't getting rid of the dog, he suggested we bathe him with Head & Shoulders to reduce dander. I haven't tried it since we manage with once a week baths but might be worth a shot? My dog is also a terrier but he keeps lots of dust and other outdoor allergens in his fur so the extra baths help.
Good luck!
@sand dollar: I thought she meant that her sister brought her yorkies over AFTER they got the pup. For like a play date. Now I see what she meant. Still, being around them for a few hours and living with one is different. My dad had bad asthma growing up and into my teens. Cats set him off, but his inhaler keeps it at bay. My mom loves cats. I do, too. Cats are non-negotiable. Maybe he should see a doctor. We don't know from this post just HOW bad his allergies are. Watery eyes are different from lungs that don't work. I maintain though, that it was a bad decision to go along and then change his mind.
High qualtiy food (especially going to a raw diet) can reduce dander.
@abbyful: Very true.
You aren't just combating the fur, some allergies are to pet dander or saliva.
Also, yorkies are not hypo-allergenic they just are low (or no) shedders so there is a reduction in fur shed.
The only truly hypo-allergenic pets are the genetically engineered ones.
I used to ride horses with a girl who was allergic to her dog and her doctor manufactured these special allergy droplets that got made specifically for her dog (with a fur sample). I really wish I remembered what it was called because it worked wonders for her and that is a super lame explanation of what it was. I will send her a text and ask for you though. More or less it made her build up an immunity to her specific dog's dander.
Otherwise, I kind of have to agree with @MissHoneyBun. I'm of the mindset that when you commit to getting a pet you are responsible for everything that comes with it. You don't just get to pawn them off when things aren't working out in your favor. It's irresponsible and it's why shelters are stock full of perfectly good animals. I wouldn't give up on my kid and I think it's equally unfair to do that to your dog.
There is some special droplet that isn't approved in the US yet that doesn't require being injected-- sadly Europe is yet again ahead of us! I agree with you wholeheartedly though, we agreed to be this dogs family and you don't just give up on family because they bother you from time to time, otherwise I'd have long ago given up on FSIL!
Honeybun:
We took the dogs in for a full week to see if he would have any allergic reaction-- not just a playdate-- and absolutely nothing. It seems that his asthma symptoms are the ones bothering him the most, but since he can go through a day totally symptom free so long as he takes his medicine I really don't feel that I'm asking him for very much.
Broccoli:
I just gave him his bath, actually and we were advised that we could bathe him twice a week and use allerpet D. I am going to give the head and shoulders a try if he still seems flaky on a two baths regimine.
Sand Dollar:
I am trying really hard to figure out what I would do in a situation where there was something that made him so happy and stress-free and made me sick. The thing is it's hard because I took four years of allergy shots as a child to overcome chocolate and orange juice (weird right!) allergies, so I just can't see that it is such a big deal!
I would advise AGAINST using Head & Shoulders on a dog, unless advised to do so by an animal doctor and not a human doctor. Reason being, human shampoos are formulated with different PH than dog shampoos. Using the wrong kind of shampoo on your pet may do more harm than good in trying to reduce the dander/allergens. So of the allergy-reducing stuff he's on now isn't working, talk to your vet first. S/he may tell you it's completely okay, but better safe than sorry.
Like others have mentioned, NO breed is completley non-allergenic because all of them shed and produce dander to some degree. It sucks though, that you guys have done testing with the breed and had no problems, but are having problems now. Sometimes it's just the individual animal though. I am semi-allergic to cats. I have built up a resistance to it for the most part...sometimes I get itchy eyes if I pet them and then have my hands too close to my face before washing them. But my neighbors have three cats, two of which I am fine with, but one that makes my skin, mouth, and eyes itch like crazy if I pet her. If she comes around me, I'll pet her for a few minutes, then immediately go wash my hands with soap and water, and that seems to help.
Also, are you guys SURE it's the dog causing the allergy problems and not something else in the environment? Might be worth it to do some investigating. Oh, I've also heard vaccuming more frequently can help, too. Yay, more vaccuming! lol
Oh boy do I vaccuum these days!!!! Who knew that a puppy would make our apartment so substantially CLEANER!!! Isnt' it supposed to be the other way around?
I'm furious for you and I feel terrible for you.
A dog takes time, work, engery and money. Any animal does, they aren't cheap, and they surely aren't something to be disposed because your FI doesn't want to do his part. My DH is allergic to cats, and we have 2. He knows they mean the world to me, and he loves them just as much as I do. He is no longer bothered, but when he was having issues he did his part to reduce his discomfort and knew in time they would go away. Puppies have the most amount of dander, and as they get older the dander lessens, but there can be times that there are more flare ups then others. I'm not allergic at all, but when my dogs tend go through periods of increased dander due to the whether or stress or whatever, I feel it, I get stuffy and sneazy. I just clean more and dust more and know that in a few weeks my minor discomfort will go away.
Exactly what I was thinking.
After dating my last LT bf who was allergic to everything I swore my next S.O had to be the opposite.
How frustrating.
Is there any convincing him to get the shots?
How bad are his allergies? I'm slightly allergic to cats, but when I'm around them a lot it doesn't bother me much. Living with a cat my allergies are less than when I'm not around them then I'm around them all of a sudden when I visit someone.
If he doesn't want to take medicine every day, taking a colostrum supplement may help. It helped my nephew's allergies.
Bees thank you so much for the sympathy. That and puppy-cuddle are the only thing keeping me going!
His allergies are pretty bad in terms of the impact they make on his daily life, not when he's on pills, but we took the pup for a marathon walk last week, which we usually do often, and he was short of breath and really complaining about it.
I agree that it's his part to manage his allergies...as a pet-owner he has almost NO part in taking care of the puppy, which I don't mind, since the reason I wanted a puppy is that I *like* six a.m. walks, early Saturday couch snuggling with a cup of coffee, throwing sticks outside etc. So is it so much that, since he doesn't want to wake up early (weekdays or weekends) or chase sticks for me outside I have a puppy that loves to and he pops a claritin a day (I know I'm oversimplifying)
The thing is. We have the time, we (at least I) have the energy, we (at least he) have the money. What is missing is the willingness on his part and it's killing me!
@Beansy: If you are outside on a walk, then it is not probable the allergic reaction is caused by the dog (unless he is carrying the dog).
Could your getting the dog be corresponding with seasonal allergies?
I have to agree with Sand Dollar. While it sucks that he agreed to get the dog and seems to be going back on it and it's hard on the dog/owner to give the dog up, it sounds like he was pressured into this decision and when it affected his health more than expected, he wanted to change his mind and you're trying to hold him to it. With any major decision like this there needs to be an ongoing committment it -- you can't just say "but you agreed!". You don't want to live with a sick husband who resents your dog. Try to see it from his perspective - it's really not a lack of willingness but a health consideration. Frankly taking drugs every single day doesn't sound fun to me either! (I try to avoid taking advil even because I don't want to take drugs.) Sometimes life doesn't work out how you like, and better to give the puppy to a good home now, than need to in a year or two if his health problems are excerbated.
I love dogs. I want nothing more than to move to a larger place to get a dog, but I would (reluctantly) give up on that dream if my boyfriend were allergic. As it is, it's tough because he has a cat and many of my friends are very allergic so although I'm social and like to invite my friends over, I can't.
Seriously, with what you've just written, I kind of think it might be time to pull a "hyper" bitch. Put your foot down. He sounds like he is being a bit of a baby, I hope you don't mind me saying.
@Oneeleven: Interesting how people get different takes from the same information, because I see the OP as acting like the baby. He said yes based on a test that went well and the actual dog experience is unfortunately nothing like the test. The OP wants him to take shots and pills on a daily basis and he has breathing issues!! that she is sweeping under the rug. Your health is nothing to sneeze at (sry, bad pun). By insisting on keeping the dog, she's compromising his health. Yes, they both probably made a mistake in trying on too little information, but she seems to be insisting that he has to stick with it because he promised, which is ridiculous and she is "being a bit of a baby."
@kay01: I am not asking him to stick with it because "he promised" I am asking him to stick with it because it is something that makes me genuinely happy and ALSO because it is not a mattress we were trying out and had 90 days to change our mind, it is a sentient living being with needs that we promised to provide a home for. It is not what we expected, certainly, but aren't a lot of things in life going to be not what we expect? Are we going to just get rid of everything that poses a challenge? Again, I say we start with the SIL!
I'm a dog lover and have fostered several dogs through various organizations, but I'm going to have to agree with sand dollar on this one.
Yes, you tried to pick a dog that would work for both of you... but it's not working! Your FI health should be a priority on your list, and as hard as I'm sure it must be... his health should outweigh your desire to have a pet.
I think the responsible thing for you to do would be to find the dog a new home. Perhaps your parents would be willing to let the dog live with them? That way you know he's going to a good home and you'll still get the chance to visit.
and not willling to try allergy shots.
He could try. Not trying shows lack of empathy for his S.O, and lack of caring toward keeping live breathing thing.
@TamiN: I know some of this is my very emotional state getting the better of me, but I can't help thinking, I am *never* going to have a pet???? NEVER?? The rest of my life and I can't come home to a wonderful creature that wants to love and snuggle and play? I get even MORE upset at the idea of having KIDS who are never going to have a pet, never run around the yard for 5 hours straight playing with a dog like I did, not have a dog nap with them and protect and love them. I always feel that people who were raised without pets lack a certain something...the idea that something depends on you for its care and is your responsibility and cannot speak to you so you have to be patient and understand it.
I am thinking of asking my parents to take him, because my mother loves dogs, but that to me seems even more irresponsibile "Here Mom and Dad, I took responsibility for this creature and now FI doesn't want it-- your problem now!"
Aw my heart goes out to you. Your S.O should leave no stone unturned. I can't imagine a life without pets.
@Beansy: Oh it sucks that you have already brought the dog home, I agree. It would have been better if you had tested the allergies with multiple pets over extended time and had a better idea beforehand what to expect. My cousins borrowed my sister's dog for two weeks to test their son's allergies (he desperately wanted a dog and insisted - through swollen face - that he was fine). It's a good thing they tested for two weeks while my sister was on vacation, because the allergies, like your FI's, didn't show up on the afternoon trial earlier. But that's over and done with now. It's a sunk cost, you can only move forward. But, there is plenty of time to find a new loving home for the dog and for him to bond with another family. Do you really think the joy you get from having a dog is more important than his health? My two cents: Talk to the allergy doctor together.
And yes, you may never be able to have a pet like a cat or a dog. Fish I hear are relaxing. If this is *really* a nonegotiable that you can't live without, you may need to contemplate if having a pet is more important to you than your fiance is. (And he may need to consider if he is willing to risk his health in this way, deal with the daily aggravation, or marry someone that would make this request of him.)
I get that you are sad. I would be too. What I don't agree with is insisting on keeping the dog because it makes you happy and it's a living being, when it's making your FI sick and unhappy. He should be more important to you.
Ah, yes, I would have guessed that your posts came from a mother of a child with allergies.
Seriously are you just glossing over the fact that her FI refuses to try the shots which are a permanant solution? I mean, for a child I could see this perhaps not being an option but he is a full grown adult.
For the record: I would never date someone who didn't like cats/was allergic to animals, etc. This was always non-negotiable to me. It's something that's important to me. Always has been.
@kay01: I think you misunderstood-- we DID have dogs with us for more than a week, not just an afternoon.
I think it's interesting that you make a blanket statement about "his health". If FI was overweight (he's not but lets pretend) and the puppy made him get up and take a 20 minute walk twice a day, isn't that *better* for his health? Pets have been shown to reduce blood pressure, also good for his health. Does taking a pill every day and a precautionary inhaler really risk his health?
I'm sorry :(. IMO it depends on if your FI can't handle the allergies, or won't handle the allergies.
If he's only midly allergic, I would suggest maybe allowing the puppy only in some rooms of the house. Not allowed in the kitchen or bedroom. You don't want puppy fur around where your food is, especially if you're allergic. Work out a compromise on the allergy pill. Maybe he could try it for 3 weeks. Do you take a daily pill, like a vitamin or BC? Maybe you could take the pills at the same time? You don't want to handle your pup wearing your pjs & then go to bed because the dander/saliva may carry in with you. I'd also get a throw blanket to put under you when you're on the couch with the pup so that will help the dander not get all over your furniture.
Does your FI have other allergies? You can develop new allergies randomly. I used to be around cats all the time, no problems. Then I moved to a no-cat place & then I became allergic. Then I was around cats again & now I'm not allergic anymore. If you're around something enough you can get used to it. He could be allergic to a flower or some random plant that's outside.
Washing your pup: Be careful not to overwash. Talk with your vet & also maybe a groomer. Some breeds you can't wash very often or it'll affect their skin. My dalmatian I'm only supposed to wash her like 2x a year or else it will make her skin very dry & itchy. Plus, make sure its ok to wash puppies with the specific shampoo! Some shampoos are great for dogs, but not ok for puppies.
You don't want a sick FI & you don't want him to resent the pup or you. However you may resent him if you feel like he's not trying at all & have to rehome the pup. Talk it out with your FI, let him know the pup is important to you & there are more things you guys could try. Let him know that you care about him & his health. He may feel like you care more about the pup than him being able to breathe. Maybe get an air purifier to help reduce the amount of dander floating around.
I am kinda embarressed at how long this post is :(. But I hope everything works out & that both you & your FI are happy!!
@Oneeleven: ? Not sure why are you assuming I have allergic kids. I don't have any kids at all, I was talking about my cousin's kids. (I also don't think if I did that means my opinion should be discounted!) Moreover, I always had a dog growing up - after our first died, I begged my parents until they let me get another one. After he died, I did not get another because I've lived in small apartments where it was unfair to a dog to keep him or (previously) worked too long of hours. As soon as I get a house, I'm going to get a dog.
And I'm not glossing over the shots, I just weigh it more than a momentary inconvenience. Shots are painful (particularly if it the shots are every day) and inconvenient to do every day. Pills/shots may not fully resolve the problem, moreover you don't know if the allergies will get worse. I work in healthcare, so maybe that is why I weigh the health side as the trump card. But at this point, we will simply have to agree to disagree about what is most important since going back and forth here clearly isn't persuading the other.
Ah, yes, you are right, I did misunderstand. That still sucks, but at least you tried to do due diligence beforehand, it just unfortunately didn't tell you how life with this particular dog would be.
Yes, you weigh all health benefits. I agree animals can make people feel better/live longer (from getting exercise to simply caring about someone else, in the case of the elderly), but those benefits are outweighed by daily shots/pills. (There are ways to achieve those benefits without having a dog & needing shots/pill. For example, they found with the elderly it needn't be a pet, but a plant would suffice, or the two of you could take walks together w/o a dog.) I think serabell had some good points you may want to consider.
Sorry, I misread your post.
My allergic-to-the-world ex who I mentioned previously was mostly so because his mother babied him to death (still does, but bless her heart). I'm sure he wouldn't be if she hadn't brought him up that way *waits to catch flack for this comment*
But seriously, if it's so important to his future wife, try the friggen shots. Suck it up if its because they hurt. He's not a two year old.
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