- 4 years ago
- Wedding: September 2013
I have been on here for the longest time, reading you guys great advice. But I’ve never posted anything until now! My Fiance and I had been friends for 5 years before dating for the past 2… he proposed in April, and it was perfect, I was so happy but I was immediately struck with panic about the wedding. (I have been married and divorced before. That’s another story but he was an abusive guy and after three years I divorced him.) We had a big wedding, and it went badly. I hated it. I am socially anxious, I get panicky, I don’t like being the center of attention, and there was tons of things going on that was bothering me, bachelor parties, liquor, driking, it was bad.
Anyway, I always knew after I got divorced that I wanted a no fuss destination wedding. I had always dreamed of my fiance and I getting married on a beach somewhere with just immediate family and friends. For weeks after the engagement I researched and researched and made calls. Finally he told me that he didn’t want to go anywhere too expensive for his family to fly. So I gave up the beach, and decided to look for closer places to his home state Michigan. I looked at beautiful venues in Maine, Vermont and New Hampshire, a day’s drive from Michigan. And then I found it! The most beautiful lake house nestled in Vermont, and it was a great price. I was so excited. I showed my fiance and he sat me down and told me that although we had always dreamed of a destination wedding, he wanted to have it in his home town in his parents backyard so all his family could come. I was heartbroken, and I felt SO selish for being so devastated. I couldn’t stop crying! I even woke up crying the next day, and I felt bad.
His family is huge, 10 aunts and uncles on each side, lots of cousins. I was afraid nothing was going how I wanted it now. So I got over it after a few weeks and decided that I couldn’t forgive myself if I pressed the destination, if he was disappointed his family couldn’t be there. I came to a compromise- that we would have a small private ceremony in a garden an hour and a half from his parent’s and then have everyone invited to the reception. Only immediate family and friends would be invited to the private ceremony. That was the only way I could think that I could get the intimate ceremony I’d always dreamed of. AND THEN his sister was complaining about the hour and a half drive, telling us to seriously consider changing it, that it was inconvenient and that I should just get married somewhere close. Ugh, way to try to squash dreams.
Well, it was met with a lot of anger by his mother. But she didn’t realize that I was already heartbroken it was going to be in Michigan anyway so I was so SO MAD that nobody was giving me any credit at all for having the ceremony where his family wants it. (MY family lives in Texas, and THEY will have to fly all the way over- meaning only 12 of my family and friends can come- 120 of his)
Anyway, I sucked it up and I knew I needed to be happy because I am finally marrying my favorite person who I love so much. So I flew up there to do appointments with my MIL. I was still a bit sad it wouldn’t be a destination, but I was going to make the best of it. Then- she started completely taking everything over. She didn’t listen to ANY of my ideas, nothing at all about what I wanted even though I’d given up the wedding of my dreams (I felt) she was taking it over! Everytime I would make a suggestion she’d complain!!! She didn’t take my family into consideration at all- and acted like her family was more important than mine anyway. We disagreed on everything, and she acted like I was stupid for having a private ceremony.
My parents are paying for everything. I wanted to have elegant, but simple and romantic in the tent. She wanted grand, expensive to impress everyone. I wanted buffet and she argued with me about it for weeks. She took us to a caterer that was 10,000$ and I was disgusted. I’m not going to make my parents pay for my second wedding and spend money like it grows on trees, I’m lucky they are able to pay for it at all. We suggested plastic plates to cut down on costs and then recycle after the wedding, and she was furious “MY FAMILY WON’T EAT ON PLASTIC PLATES” What!? REALLY! So my parents are paying for this wedding- 120 of MIL family 12 of my family. OMG. It makes me mad just thinking about it. Anyway, I stopped telling her anything and just setting it all up myself from Louisisna (where I live) which is hard because I CAN’T meet the vendors. So I worry about the quality, but I have no way of doing it with her because she’ll take it all over and break my parent’s.
Did any of you guys have this problem? : / I just want to be happy that day because to me- it’s all about my fiance and I, nothing else. To me, it’s about our love. But I worry that if things do go wrong- I will be wishing I had a destination wedding! : ( That makes me sad because I am so grateful to my parent’s for paying for a second wedding that they didn’t have to, but I am just hoping she doesn’t turn it into something I don’t even want. I don’t want to not even feel like it’s my wedding, and theres nothing I feel like I can do from this far away. When my fiance tries to stick up for me, she tells him it’s none of his business and that it’s not traditional for him to be invovled at all?! He’s never been married and waited 43 years!!!! It makes me mad.
Did any of you have a regular wedding after dreaming of destination? Did you make the best of it but still think of the destination or did you go with the flow and forget you ever wanted that? Or were you just so happy nothing else mattered? (What I’m hoping for)
Lots of love guys, Thanks.