Post # 1
..repetitive if you remember some of my other posts.
Have any of you experienced a broken timeline? What were the circumstances around it and how was the timeline made?
My SO and I have been together 6 years (both were 19 when we met) and we’re one of those couples where people have told us that they would lose faith in relationships if we ever broke up. Before recently he’s always groaned at marriage talk and says he’s not at all ready. Recently, I asked him for a timeline for engagement because he said he’s been “thinking more about marriage for a while.” He said he’s bad at giving timelines and asked me for mine and would let me know if it was something he could meet. I said 8 months (by Sept) and he said that sounded about right and seemed confused when my reaction was muted and cutely asked why I wasn’t excited; I explained I didn’t want to get my hopes up & the convo ended sweetly.
I guess I’m just having trouble wrapping my mind around him actually meeting that timeline!! Assuming he follows the timeline and proposes this August, it would mean just 13 months before he proposes, marriage was the last thing on his mind! I also see these other waiting bees who’s SO’s actually talk about getting engaged and do so for months/years prior and feel like we’re so far behind in that respect… though I know he was once really surprised to hear that people talk about getting engaged/weddings/marriage before getting engaged.
What are y’all’s thoughts on the bolded questions up top and our situation? It just seems so… unbelievable and unreal that the end of waiting could actually come for me!!
Post # 3
Anyone? Did I make it too long?
Post # 4
I find it strange, you guys never talked about marriage or engagement before this?? I’m not engaged yet and my bf and I have been together now for three years. We intend on getting married within this year even though we cannot say it offical. I do not this 8 months is long for him to commit to you. But I think you need to talk to him. How does he really feel about the whole situation because it is alot of pressure on him. Do guys live together already?
Post # 5
@ItsDestiny: This isn’t the first time we’ve talked about it, I’ve brought marriage up countless times, he’s just always been super resistant until the past 2 months or so. A few weeks prior to this timeline agreement, he jokingly agreed to propose before September. We’ve also talked about our future kids pretty concretely. I don’t want to bring engagement up more to him because THAT is pressure, I want to let him come to engagement & marriage on his own time (I prefaced asking him for a timeline as it being a guesstimate and not binding). He knows full well that I think we should get married and that I want to. Plus, he was the one who asked for my timeline to use instead of him making one up.
We don’t live together and don’t want to until marriage. We’ve also been LDR since August and will be finished with that in July.
Post # 6
@LaurenK0105: I’m kind of in the same situation. My boyfriend and I have already looked at rings and I pick one back in June. He told me then that I would probably get in Feb. I KNOW it’s not going to happen this month since my ring is custom made from a picture I found online and it take at a month to make.
Trust him…My bf brother has been with his fiance 7 years before proposing. I think they are around your age, I believe him to be 26-27. He bought a house recently Oct 2009 and prosposed by july 2010. I know she joked around when we had family parties that she been waiting forever.
It seems you guys are both the same turns, talking about kids and not intending to live with each other until marriage, I think that is good.
Post # 7
I don’t think it’s odd. You were young when you met and probably have both changed a lot over 6 years. So, yeah he wasn’t thinking about it. My FI wasn’t thinking about it in May when one of my friends asked him if he saw us getting married, but then we were looking at rings in August and he proposed in December. He asked my timeline before we looked at rings…I told him ideally end of 2010 but Spring of 2011 was probably more realistic. Later I found out he was thinking end of 2011. So I wouldn’t stress over it 🙂
I think some guys need a nudge…not pressure…but something letting them know this is what you want. Things are probably great now, and some people are always concerned about it changing…but it only got better for us.
If he doesn’t meet the timeline I wouldn’t be upset…at least you know you’re both on the same page now and it sounds like he is excited about the future.
Post # 8
I’m in a similar position. we’ve been together a similar amount of time (5.5 yrs) though we’re a little older. until recently, it just wasn’t a topic he could entertain. We were very recently (last week) able to have a real conversation about marriage and he said that engaged within a year sounded good. it did happen really fast, and i had a hard time believing it would happen as well.
from what you wrote, it sounds like he is maturing if he couldn’t even talk about it before. it doesn’t sound like he would just throw a number out there to make you stop talking about it (correct me if i’m wrong), so i would just try to go with the flow and see what happens (but it definitely is ok to continue having conversations about the future!)
Post # 9
In my experience with this, guys go about thinking about marriage completely differently. My FI and I had a loose timeline. It was loose in that we talked about when we could see an engagement happening, but it wasn’t that we would break up if it didn’t happen by this point.
My FI and I had been together for nearly 6 years by the time he proposed. We started dating when he was a freshman in college. I can’t remember an exact “OMG, this is the one I want to marry!” moment. For him, he said that it was when I didn’t hold him back from going to his grad school program (we are also in a LDR).
I also think guys take things one step at a time. FI and I talked in July 2009 and decided that we wanted to be engaged by the end of summer 2010. FI had to accomplish some things personally before he could propose. He wanted to wait until after his brother’s wedding, because he didn’t want to steal their thunder. FBIL and FSIL got married in May 2010. Then, he had a huge grad school presentation due. This was in June 2010. He had to re-do the presentation, so it pushed that back to mid-July 2010. He passed that. When he came back to our hometown to visit shortly after that, he took his dad on a “secret mission” (later, it was to take him to look at the ring). After his dad saw the ring, he ordered it. He surprised me with a proposal in August 2010 (I was, but wasn’t expecting it. He made a surprise trip to our hometown, asked my dad for his blessing, and proposed the next day. I had no clue he was in town until he walked into the restaurant that my parents lured me to!).
In short, if he hasn’t given you a reason to doubt him during your relationship, I wouldn’t doubt him now. Keep your lines of communication open! I can understand you not wanting to get hurt, but give him a chance, too :-).
Post # 10
I’d like to say it sounds good that he’ll hold to the timeline, and that he’s almost at the age where lots of men seem to start thingking marriage. BUT, realize that lots of things CSN pring up in the meantime, car repairs, job issues, tht might delay him. If you have friends getting married around you, I could see him being willing to get more settled. If he was looking at purchasing a house, moving to a location you can both live with your careers, etc., it’d definitely show a thinking of the future mentality. Not all guys reach this at the same age, many don’t hit such thoughts until about 30.
So, be happy, enjoy your time together, don’t make watch “Say yes to the dress” :P. Follow Mr. Bee’s plan of making sure you just enjoy your relationship at this point and if it happens, it happens. If something big, like a family emergency comes up, cut him some slack. If nothing untoward happens by September, no new financial problems, no family emergencies and he hasn’t proposed, then you should pick a time to sit down with him and ask again how he feels about it. He knows how you feel… his feelings are the ones that would need exploring.
But, so far it sounds good – we’ll keep our fingers crossed 🙂
Post # 11
Oh my gosh you ALL helped me soooo much!! You guys just spoke to me and our relationship in a way that I have not found on other posts.
@BluegrassBridetoBee: That is so good to hear about how fast your FI changed his tune! It just seemed so… weird to me! I definitely wouldn’t be upset if he didn’t meet the timeline. A little disappointed but I totally trust him so I know it would be for valid reasons.
@KatM: We are sooo in the same boat! Yes, you’re right, he would not agree to a timeline to shut me up. He has no problem saying what he can’t/won’t do and we’ve had similar conversations end with tears and blech. He’s good at dealing with my emotional reactions versus white lies to avoid upsetting me.
@keepsmiling19: That is sooo sweet!!!! 🙂
@Isilme: Yea I totally understand stuff may crop up and I would not at all hold that against him as that would be quite diva of me. We’re actually talking about starting a business together (we’re in the same profession) so I guess that’s pretty future focused! I’ve also been looking for fun at houses online and he’s joined in a bit.
Thank you all so much for your support and similar experiences!
Post # 12
I have no experienced a broken time line but I do agree to just see what happens. I hope you get a proposal in Sept. or sooner.
Post # 13
LaurenK…. I get the story you’re telling. My boyfriend was the same way. He wouldn’t NOT talk about marriage but he didn’t really say much about it either. Your conversations sound so similar to mine and my boyfriend’s. I told him once that I was concerned that our timelines might not match up before I was tired of waiting. I started following Mr. Bee’s plan and my boyfriend started talking about marriage. He’s been talking about it a lot, even so much as to tell me he is going to marry me. I have to wait though, he wants to surprise me. So…. I wait.
Post # 14
I know I already posted to this topic, but I thought of something else. I also interpreted the timeline differently. Even though FI said it would be by the end of summer 2010, I thought that it would be happening much earlier before then. From my own experience (and I feel like I see similar stories around here), even though he had until the end of summer 2010 to propose, I was expecting it to happen RIGHT AWAY, and would get nervous/anxious/frustrated that it hadn’t happened yet (even though he still had time, according to the timeline). Do what I didn’t do, give him the time to propose, and if you feel worried about it…vent on the board and not always to him. I drove my FI nuts with my questioning of things and probably almost ruined my proposal.
Post # 15
@LaurenK0105: I know exactly how you feel. I was given a timeline of June/July by my SO and it’s hard for me to believe that anything will actually happen! He also doesn’t talk about engagement or marriage at all. Sometimes I freak out inside thinking he should be doing/saying something. But I think I’ve come to a conclusion that works for me, and maybe it will help you too: I trust my SO and love him dearly, so I’m going to give him this “time” to do with as he wishes. He can talk/not talk all he wants and I plan to NOT bring anything up to him or make him feel pressured. If for some reason he hasn’t done anything by the time the deadline arrives, then I will have a calm conversation with him and see where we stand. I’m trying not to think too much about “what ifs” and hopefully won’t have to have any conversatino with him because I will have a ring on my finger by this summer. Hopefully this helped you and I wish you the best!