Post # 1
I’m a regular poster but for the sake of preventing any further drama (just in case my Future Sister-In-Law is on weddingbee) I’m posting under this username. Now, I realize that this may seem like a minor issue but it has me reeling mainly because I feel that my brother and his fiance have disrespected my family. And I really need opinions as to whether I should voice my opinion or keep quiet. Here’s the situation:
My parents helped my brother and his fiance (who are both in their mid-twenties and have jobs) to buy their first home. My parents contributed a great deal financially, and made it clear to my brother at the time that he could use the money for the house or the wedding. He said he would use it for the house. This was two months ago. Now they are in the midst of wedding planning and low and behold they expect $ from my parents. Well, my parents told them that unfortunately they didn’t have any money left to give since they gave so much towards the house. My brother and his fiance said OK, but it was clear to my parents that they were not pleased. Ever since that conversation, my brother has cut off contact with my parents–as in he doesn’t answer his phone or contact my parents.
I’m so angry with my brother for acting like he is entitled to anything after my parents gave him and his fiance SO MUCH. I am also upset with his fiance for not having the courtesy of telling my parents that she would not even expect money from them after they helped them out for the house. Rather, she was sweetly trying to convince them that $200 a person for the wedding reception doesn’t really come out to all that much (as in, it shouldn’t be a problem for my parents to pay that much). I think it is very telling that once my parents told them that they didn’t have money for the wedding, neither my brother or his fiance come around anymore.
I’m torn because I want to tell my brother how much he is hurting my parents by acting like this. But at the same time I know this is not my business. I just hate to see him treat them like they are a bank account. In fact, my brother at some point told my parents that if they didn’t contribute to the house (which they did) he and his fiance wouldn’t come around! Well, now that they aren’t contributing to the wedding, that is exactly what has happened. UGH I’m so mad!!!!
Bees what do you think of this situation?
Post # 3
Geez,it sounds like a mess.Personally I would tell my brother,thats just who I am.I would tell him hes acting like a spoiled jackass.Our parents didnt have to give u anything,but they gave u some.Now u expect MORE?!?!
Parents dont ever have to put any money towards their childrens wedding unless they want to.
My brothers and I have gotten into arguments about our bahaviors.We still talk though.
It all depends on u and your family.Have u guys called each out on your behaviors before??
Hope it works out.Maybe having your brother and his other being away is good.If they only are around for the possibility of getting money,your parents should just be grateful that they dont have their kid hanging around them for money anymore.U can think about it like that.
Post # 4
Thanks for the advice and actually my parents are in a way glad that they got to see the REAL reason why my brother and his Fiance were coming around before, and at least now my parents know that they were basically being used.
In terms of whether my brother and I have called each other out before on our behavior, it used to be that I could tell him exactly how I felt and he would usually respond appropriately and listen to my advice/concerns. But since he met his Fiance, he has changed. He doesn’t listen to anyone but her. And he basically treats my family like strangers. It’s really unfortunate that we’ve basically lost him and he only really comes around when he wants something.
At this point, my parents don’t even care to be invited to the wedding. So maybe I should not even try to talk to him about anything.
Post # 5
I would try to talk to him if it was my brother. And I know how hard it is, I’ve seen my brother treat my parents this way (granted, he is quite a bit younger than yours) and it would kill me to not say anything.
However, if you show animosity towards his Fiance he will get defensive, as he should. How many posts have you seen here where the FI’s family is saying nasty things about the bride, and we all say that her Fiance needs to stick up for her? She is going to be his wife, his main family, so I wouldn’t say anything nasty about her, I’d focus the discussion on the money.
Post # 6
@Wonderstruck:Yes,dont diss the future wife,but try talking to him if u think it would help.If not then let it go.At least u and your family know the truth now.
Post # 7
Is her family contributing at all to the wedding? Or is your family the only ones expected to contribute?
Post # 8
Ugh, this sucks. I would have a really hard time keeping my mouth shut, but if you say anything you should expect that brother and Future Sister-In-Law will stop talking to you as well. If you do talk to him emphasize 1) that your parents havent heard from him in a while and they are hurt/concerned and 2) in this economy, your parents financial situation may have been affected too and they might not have money to give out – they need to think of their own retirements.
Post # 9
I wouldn’t not be able to say something if this were my brother. He needs to be put in his place, and if this is how he is going to treat his family because of some chick, then maybe he does deserve to be “cut off” from the family. I would be livid if my brother treated my parents this way
Post # 10
@temporary: Wow, dick move. I would at least voice my displeasure. I mean, who cares if he gets pissed? Did he care about offending your parents? Just think about it.
Post # 11
I’d defintely call him out on it, but with expectation that he won’t care nor change.
Post # 12
I would probably say something because I tend to get myself in trouble by speaking without regard for pissing people off…. but I think his behaviour definitely needs a reality check.