Post # 1
About two weeks ago I spoke to my brother about our engagement party we are having at a local restaurant for lunch. This was probably Christmas week. I told him he and the family were invited and he didn’t seem interested as he says he hates dining out (which he does, he will only ever get take away and gets anxious around other people). Anyway, the lunch is today and my mum brought it up with him and he said I never invited h but he wouldn’t have gone anyway. My mum said he seemed offended that I hadn’t brought it up again and she is upset as she feels I didnt invite him. I have worked extra hours the past few weeks at work so bringing up inviting him to something he didn’t want to go to was the last thing on my mind. But now my brother and my mum are stroppy with me :/ I feel bad as he is my brother and maybe two – three weeks advance was too early, but I dread seeing him tonight knowing that he was offended about this.
Post # 3
@sunshinewish15: He’s an adult and clearly offended that you treated him like one, lol. He and your mom need to get over it – you invited him and it’s not your fault he didn’t trouble himself to write it down/remember.
Post # 4
@MoonlitMagnolia: umm yeah what you said.
2-3 weeks notice is a-ok in my book. If this was something he wantrd to attend he would have wrote it down and showed up. You don’t need to coddle a grown person and send follow up requests/ reminders.
Post # 5
@sunshinewish15: Was he invited around the same time as other family members, or did you invite everyone and then tell him much later?
I don’t understand why he would get the impression that he wasn’t invited, and why your mother would agree, unless his invitation was indeed like an afterthought. Regardless, based on what your relationship with your brother is like, it should be clear that there was never an intention to not include him.
By your mom being offended because you “didn’t bring it up again” — is that because she expects you to have reminded him close to the date? If so, this is really not fair to you and I’m sorry it’s been thrown on your lap before such a joyous occasion. He’s an adult, and he should know how to organize his own calendar. You’re not his personal assistant.
Post # 6
@letigre: I invited him the same time as the rest of the family, probably the same day or day before as the rsvp date was the monday of this week. We only had to give the restaurant five daus notice so I gave everyone about two weeks or so in advance time to rsvp. My brother is actually almost ten years older than me, but I think my mother was more upset that he wouldn’t come that I am getting blamed for not inviting him.
Post # 7
@sunshinewish15: Meh, I’d say you DID invite him. I would have interpreted it that way if I were him. I’d bring it up with him and blame miscommunication, apologize for being unclear. (For the record, I don’t think you were. Just an easy thing to say in terms of smoothing it over.)
I heard the other day that my brothers gf was pissed for not being invited to our wedding. They have a kid together and have been together for 3 years. The thing is, I DID invite her. I sent my brothers invite to him with his name, her name specifically on it, and the baby’s name. They aren’t/weren’t living together right then, (they frequently breakup and get back together) so I just sent one to my brother. She expected me to send her another one, I guess? Strange expectation given that she doesn’t know my husband and she and I are not close. I also hadn’t seen her for about 6 months prior to that so… I suppose sometimes people have different (and sometimes questionable) ideas about what constitutes an invitation.
I don’t think I’ll be able to smooth things over with the gf, as I never see her. Oh well.
Post # 8
Your brother is acting like a child. How many direct invitations does a freaking adult really need?